(Closed) Bi-racial babies/children

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think that is a really interesting question.  In my opinion I think it totally depends on the environment the child is raised.  

Post # 4
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I think this is a very interesting question as well.  I agree with caszos that it depends on the environment.  I don’t have any personal experience with this, but I have talked about it a little with friends who are bi-racial.  It seems like those who were raised in diverse neighborhoods in larger cities didn’t really think about it all that much, have friends of different races, very social, etc.  On the other hand, set of bi-racial siblings I know who grew up in a largely white community and felt like it was pretty hard trying to fit in, find their place, etc.

Of course, there are so many facets involved, and I’m just adding little tidbits from convos with a few friends.  I’d love to hear from those who have actual personal experience.

Post # 5
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I do not have children, but I agree with the previous post that it really depends on the environment. I have three bi-racial cousins whose parents are both white (step dad, biological mom). They live in florida where there is diversity, but their group of friends does not seem to reflect having a preference for one race over another.

Post # 6
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

I read a book called Caucasia about this subject. It doesn’t have an answer, just an interesting perspective. A very brief synopsis is this: two biracial sisters, one passes white and the other does not.

Post # 7
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Amani: What you said is true of my experience. I live in a really diverse city and have lots of biracial friends and friends of all different races. It’s not much of an issue here.

 

Post # 8
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree that it has a LOT to do with how the child is raised. My husband is half white, half Asian, and even though most people view him as Asian (black hair, brown eyes, olive skin), he self identifies as white (in fact, he rarely checks asian on forms, even when he could check both). He was raised almost exclusively by his white father, and his asian mother was hardly in his life at all.

We joke that I’m more Asian than he is, even though I’m all white – I spent the last 3 years living in Asia, haha.

I think if he had been raised around his Asian relatives, he would have a much stronger affinity for that culture, but the truth is that he just doesn’t know much about his mother’s culture. He does have a fondness for other Asians though. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am biracial (half Nigerian/half chinese), and I have to say that it TOTALLY depends on your environment AND the children’s individual personalities.

We grew up overseas  and moved to the US when I was in highschool. I have never really had a preference but my Fiance is white. My younger sister has always preferred to hang out with AA, and has two children with a AA. My youngest sister has always preferred to associate with caucasians but thats because she was only 5 when we moved to the states and went to prep schools in the heart of texas where the vast majority of people in her honors classes where white (sad, but true) and now she goes to a small private Christian college so….

However, we are all MUCH MUCH closer to our asian side and spend a lot of time with them. So i think there are a lot of factors and there really is NO way to predict.

Post # 10
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Well, I do have some experience here….

Although I consider myself black, many would consider me biracial as on both sides of my family, my great-grandparents were one white and one black. My grandparents were considered “mulatto” as were my parents.

First off, people are going to perceive others as they choose to. What I mean is, if Lenny Kravitz and Barack Obama were not famous, people wouldn’t just roll up on them & say, “One of your parents is white, right?”

In my family we have people who others would think are white, people who others would think are black and people who fall somewhere in between. We often joke about how our ethnicity changes with our environment and surroundings. If you put us in a room with white people, people assume we are white; we get plenty of comments about being Hispanic, Italian, Greek, Middle Eastern, Polynesian, etc. However, many if not most black people can look at us and tell that we are of black descent.

One of my brothers is brown-skinned and most people would just see him as a black guy and not think he is of any other heritage; my older brother is more often than not mistaken for Hispanic/Latino. I have skin whiter than many of my white friends, green/blue eyes and reddish-brown wavy/curly hair with freckles to boot. None of us harbor any ill feelings toward another or have a preference for one group over another.

Perhaps our experience is a bit different because we know our heritage and our family is in tact and very close. Growing up, we thought all families were like ours and assumed everyone had relatives of all hues and persuasions. Maybe because we were brought up very “Cumbaya” we are different from others? I dunno… And for those who will ask, “Then why do you consider yourself black?”—the short answer is because I have witnessed and experienced racism and it was always from white people who felt the need to try to make me/us feel “less than” because we are proud of and happy with who and what we are.

I don’t mean to be harsh or rude, but for your mom to say “You can’t have one black baby and one bi-racial baby, they’ll hate each other! And then one would feel favored over the other!” it speaks to her preferences and predjudices. I know that many, many black people covet/prefer light skin, light eyes, “keen features,” and “good hair.” However, as my dad once explained to me when I was a child and said, “Why do we say we’re black? We don’t ‘look’ black or ‘sound black…'”—my dad said, “Because while people might not look at us and know we are black, racist bigots look at us and know we aren’t 100% white. And if they started hanging *n-words* tomorrow, we’d be swinging in a tree too.”

It shouldn’t be that serious and honestly, as long as the parent/parents love the children and treat them fairly and do not pass on feelings of inadequacy or preferential treatment, the kids will be alright.

Post # 11
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It seems that at the core of this issue, you’re asking the question, Should I only date black men or is it okay that I date any other race for the sake of my child?  And answering that question will decide whether or not you even have a bi-racial baby.  So I think the answer to that question isn’t based on how a child will turn out whether it be nature or nurture but on who you are attracted to. And can we really decide this?  Afterall, love is blind!

Post # 12
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m 1/2 Korean and 1/2 white, but I grew up 100% white.  That means that my father didn’t want me learning Korean from my mom because he thought it would negatively affect my English (crazy, huh?).   I didn’t have any contact with her side of the family because they all disowned her when she decided to marry an American soldier and move to the U.S.  There were no other Asian influences around me, and it’s awful to admit, but as a youngster I was embarrassed by my mom’s different culture.  I didn’t want any part of it, and I was only attracted to white guys.  Now that I’m older and wiser, I’m trying to embrace my Korean heritage, and I’m so proud to be biracial. 

I have a son by a white man, and he looks all the way white.  He has friends of all nationalities, so I’m not worried that he’s picking one race over another.  I have a daughter by a black man, and she is light-skinned w/blue-gray eyes and light hair, but she’s obviously black.  Her daddy, my fiance, has a son who is 100% black living with us, too.  They don’t hate each other at all!  We have a wonderfully blended family, and I will strive to make them each aware that they’re perfect the way they are.  I look forward to seeing my little girl (she’s 20 months old) grow up and become a beautiful multi-racial woman.  I hope she doesn’t just consider herself “black” though.  My fiance thinks because society will always view her as black that she should just go by that, but I disagree.  I am quick to tell people that I’m 1/2 and 1/2 even though I look all Asian.  I’m proud of both sides, and she will be, too!

Post # 13
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@ribbons: I love the book Caucasia! Excellent suggestion.

Post # 14
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

There really are so many factors that go in to answering a question like that. On top of the cultural environment, family environment, there is also the impact of personal experiences with people from each racial group.

I’m white and grew up in a white small town. I was raised liberally and to accept all people. But once I moved to college, my experiences with black kids in my dorms were AWFUL. I felt very disrespected, and that definitely affected my oppinions and feelings. I’ve since had more positive experiences with people of various cultures, and have a very diverse group of coworkers that I really like. But for a few years, those experiences with the kids in my dorm totally swayed my opinions on the entire racial group.

Post # 15
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It really just depends on where y our raised/your environment. Being a biracial person myself, I know that when I was raised and growing up in a more culturaly deiversed city, I had very many friends of deifferent ethnicity, and backgrounds. When my family moved away to a smaller, more white dominant area, I had only white friends, and was also seperated into an “outcast”. It wasn’t very enjoyable, but as I grew up this is just the way it was. Being biracial doesn’t change who you are, just the way other people may percieve you. As for if your other child is half white, chinese, east indian, I don’t think it would matter much as long aS YOU SHOW EACH CHILD THE SAME AMOUNT OF RESPECT AND LOVE, WHILE ALSO ALLOWING BOTH TO EXPLORE EACH OWNS IDENTITY AND CULUTRE, WHILE ALLOWING THEM TO EXPLORE EACHOTHERS. sIBLINGS ARE COLOR BLIND, THEY LOVE EACHOTHER FOR WHO THEY ARE, NOT WHAT THEY ARE. sorry about the caps. lol.

Post # 16
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My daugher is 1/2 mexican and 1/2 white.  Her father (who’s mexican) and I are divorced and she’s only 4.  We each have her about 50% of the time and I often wonder what ethnic group she’ll identify more with when she gets older.  He speaks English and I don’t speak any Spanish.  We live in an area that’s very diverse.  I think she will lean more toward my culture because she’s more exposed to it (all his family still lives in Mexico) and because she doesn’t look Mexican.  If you didn’t know her history you’d think she’s Italian.  At the end of the day, the most important thing to me is that she feels included at school and feels like she fits in somewhere (well….at least until she’s 15 and then all bets are off!).  I am engaged to a white man now and we try to be respectful of Mexicans (as well as all other races) and try to embrace the other half of her heritage and never put it down or anything. 

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