(Closed) Bi sexual fiancé?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Rockfield Manor - Bel Air, MD

This is probably going to come across as aggressive, but it doesn’t sound to me like you’re actually “fine with him being bisexual.” If you’re not certain about your feelings, you should definitely postpone your wedding, and I would recomment couples’ counseling for the two of you.

I am bisexual, and coming out to my Fiance, at that time my girlfriend, was scary because of misconceptions about bisexual people. If he has not cheated on you with anyone (male, female, or nonbinary) up to this point, you have no reason to believe he will cheat on you now just because you discovered his bisexuality.

Post # 3
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Have you had sex with him? If so, is he enthusastic? Does he like going down on you? If so, he is unlikely to be gay. But I understand why you’d be uncomfortable with him keeping this secret from you. I also personally find hookup ads on craigslist to be icky so that might be against your values as well. How long have you been together?

Post # 4
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

I cannot imagine the shock of finding what you found. Maybe he is secretly gay and feels he will not be accepted for his perference. Maybe he is like you said Bi sexual which there is nothing wrong with.

I would just let him know that you are ok with his past and that you will be supportive whatever the case turns out to be. Maybe suggest going to talk to someone either together or apart whatever makes him more comfortable if this was me I would like to know one way or another. If my Fiance was gay I would like to find out in time for us to be able to be friends still.

Post # 5
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

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dances123:  I wouldn’t necessarily say that because he has sex with her he isn’t gay there are many gay men who have wives and children.

Post # 6
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

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sway0060:  Doesn’t sound like she’s ok with it, though.

Post # 7
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i think there is a difference between “being ok with it” and still wanting to be with him. and that’s ok too.

Post # 8
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

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ClaudiaKishi:  If she is not ok with it that’s her choice , I took the last sentence about saving her relationship as she could maybe move past this. I guess she also did say she didn’t know she could be with him , she sounds a little confused which I don’t blame her.

Like I said if my Fiance turned out to be gay I would still like to salvage a friendship if I could maybe that might be an option if she can’t be with him romantically.

Post # 9
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Think about if this was reversed. Ever kissed a girl or danced dirty with a girl? Or have any friends that have? I certainly have (hello college!). What would you think if your/their current fiance got freaked out about it and was worried they were gay and considering ending the relationship. What would you say in that situation?

Post # 10
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

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JenGirl:  If i had hidden it I would expect my Fiance to be upset and my Fiance would not want to see me with another girl as he would consider that cheating.

I’m probably going to get grief for this but personally a) I want someone to be honest with me when I meet them so i understand who they are and can make an informed decision about whether I want to be with them and b) I want to be with a straight man, not a bisexual man or a woman.

I’m actually really liberal and when i first realised this I was uncomfortable but I have to be honest about what I want – i would prefer a man who loves women exclusively. I am very, very comfortable with others having their own sexual and relationship preferences, including say if someone only wanted to be with bi or gay people. It’s not fair to be railroaded into sexual or relationship preferences to make others comfortable

Post # 11
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

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sway0060:  I didn’t say she had to be, just that she doesn’t seem ok with it. And being bisexual is different than being gay, so I’m not sure why you’re bringing that up? Plenty of people who are bisexual are in monogamous relationships with an opposite-sex partner. It’s not a deal breaker unless you want it to be. 

Post # 13
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know…it seems like, at the point where you decide to marry someone, you should know all of each other’s major “things.” Like, have they been married before, do they have kids, what is their sexuality, their religion, their politics, addictions, and so on. If I was in OP’s position of finding out something like this, this late in the game, I would be 1) hurt that it wasn’t discussed before. Where is the openness and trust? and 2) reconsidering the relationship. You can be tolerant of everyone’s sexuality, and happy in others’ relationship happiness whoever it is with, WITHOUT wanting that same relationship for yourself. If you had known about his bisexuality before you started dating, would you have dated? Would you have accepted his proposal? The choice is completely yours, but if the answer to those questions is “no,” then I think you are okay to back out now. He really should have mentioned this to you earlier on before letting your heart get so engaged.

Post # 14
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

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Incredible7:  Just read your update that you are cool with it, so my questions are moot. Sorry! Now it is just a matter of trust – do you trust him? 

Post # 15
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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christabel:  agree with you 100%

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Incredible7:   I’d be interested to know the back story on why you were snooping to begin with, you already had a trust issue regarding him I suspect. I don’t blame you for being blindsided, anyone would be. 

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