(Closed) Bidesmaid for my cousin – need advice PLEASE

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@kal78:  I’m sure that she will understand.  The other family members can stuff it!  Don’t go.  It will be fine.

Post # 4
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

I have a cousin in Philly (I live 500 miles away) that I’m dreading her asking me if I can be her bridesmaid.  I’m almost positive she will.  I’m going to tell her that I would love to stand at her wedding for her but I can only afford the dress and maybe hair and makeup.  I’m going to be upfront with her that I will not be able to fly in for showers or B parties.  I’ll only be able to attend the wedding.

Boom – over – done.  I think you should do the same.

Post # 5
Member
3101 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

ok, you are not horrible and cheap. i will say, though, that getting to boston from philly is not THAT expensive. you can take amtrak for $59 each way.

if you can’t make it, you can’t make it. this is life and no one should be able to hold it against you. it’s not down the street, you know?

Post # 6
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It seems to me the most logical course of action would be to talk to the bride and explain what’s going on, and why you don’t think you’ll be able to go–regardless of whether she said it’s okay or not, I imagine she’ll be totally okay with it.  I understand about the money bit.  You’re not being cheap or anything like that, you have to have priorities, and Bro from Afghanistan hits the top of the important meter.  ’nuff said.

Post # 7
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you were my cousin, I would want you to be honest with me. If she were close enough to be in my wedding (my cousin is), I would probably really want to find a way to get her to my shower, either by subsidizing her ticket, or helping her deal hunt within her budget. If even that wasn’t doable for her, I would totally understand.

If you want suggestions to cut costs on travel, though, have you considered waiting until the week of, and trying to get a “fire sale” type ticket. A lot of companies offer $99 RT tickets if you purchase the week of. You could also go to the shower, but decline the expensive dinner after. I know that kind of sucks, but it is what it is. (ETA: if you went this route, you’d obviously have to be willing to not go to the shower if tickets aren’t available, and should let your cousin know this)

 

Post # 8
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

She knows your situation, she totally understands, no reason to feel guilty. You are doing the best you can and that is all she expects you to do.

PS-if you were my Bridesmaid or Best Man and I found out you put the BS trip on a credit card, I’d be pissed. I’d want you to be there for the wedding and everything else is bonus and not worth putting yourself at financial risk.

Post # 9
Member
12953 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mamadingdong:  Agreed.  I fly from DC to Boston all the time for like $120 roundtrip, so I’d imagine Philly wouldn’t be that much more.  I always find good deals on US Air, and my mom finds great deals on Jetblue to come see me ($39 oneway is her most recent flight).

Honestly, I’m torn about this.  I really get why you’d like to skip and the financial cost of things.  But on the other hand, you agreed to be a bridesmaid even after she said she understood if you couldn’t afford it.  She gave you an out there, and you didn’t take it.  Either way, I think you’re either going to resent her for going if you do go, or you’re going to feel uncomfortable/left out if you don’t go. 

Like PP said, you need to be honest with her and explain the situation.  Maybe she’d offer to cover your trip up there so you can be there. 

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@kal78:  I agree that you can totally find something cheaper from Philly to Boston for cheaper than $275. 

I’m looking at what abbie017 said and totally agree with her. You agreed to be a bridesmaid even after she gave you an out if you couldn’t afford it. Now you’re starting to back down on your responsibilities, and that’s not very fair to her.

Post # 11
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Have you checked out Megabus?  I live in Philly as well, and my fiance and sister have both taken Megabus to Boston- they agreed the ride wasn’t too bad.  I just took a look on their website, and you can get a round trip ticket for $15-$20 by purchasing you tickets early.  They are not selling May tickets yet, but they should be available soon.

Post # 12
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like the bride would understand if you don’t attend and she seems to be very realistic in her wedding party expectations. You could always send her a bouquet of flowers or some homemade yummy treats for the shower with a card. If I were in your shoes I would probably stay and see my brother, especially if he’s based far away or facing another deployment in the near future.

If you do decide to attend, maybe train or bus tickets would be more economical? Or maybe just make the drive and stay at a relative’s place?

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