Big age difference between your kids

posted 9 months ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
476 posts
Helper bee

5 years is nothing. My husband has a brother who is thirteen years older than him. I know several people in the same position—-and they are very close and loving siblings! 

Post # 17
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

swissbride :  My cousin has two kids that are five years apart after an early MC of a middle baby, that gave her a wider age gap than she wanted but the girls are so good together and play well and have caught up to eachother in their ability to interact now. I can’t imagine her not having both of her curly haired girls. Second story, my Darling Husband is 5 years younger than his sister. While they weren’t as close growing up, they are very close as adults and became closer during DH’s college years and beyond. With sports and activities they were kept pretty busy as kids and had lots of other cousins to play with. Third story, DH’s sister married a man with children from a prior marriage and they just had a baby this summer who is 5 or even 6 years younger than his youngest. That baby has big siblings who look after her, help in the house, and are the best caretakers for her to help my SIL and Brother-In-Law out and love their baby sister so much. 

All that to say, 5 years is not too much, and while they might not be able to play together for a year or two, they could still grow very close as siblings as they age. My second will be almost 4 years younger than my first and I worried (worry) about the gap too as it’s more than I wanted but we are given what we are given and it must be what was meant for us. 🙂 Good luck TTC again, I hope it happens relatively quickly for you. 

Post # 18
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

My siblings are 8, 11 and 12 years older than me. We weren’t very close growing up, but are much more so now (actually my 2 sisters (11/12) and I are the closest, my brother (8) and I aren’t that close). 

It definitely made a difference when we were all adults because that 10+ year age gap doesn’t matter as much. 

I have a 4 year old son who will be turning 5 in August and I am pregnant and due in July. So they will be almost 5 years apart. I am not super concerned about it. My son was a surprise and so I knew if I had another it would likely not be for a few more years. I don’t think age is the biggest factor in if your kids will be close or not. I know siblings who are 1-2 years apart who didn’t get along growing up. 

Post # 19
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

My siblings are almost 6 and 9 years older than me. Hubs has siblings exactly 2 years older and 3.5 years younger. I think he was closer to his siblings growing up but they barely talk or see each other now. I was always pretty close to my sister 6 years older but did often feel left out. We are close still and see each other and talk on the phone  often. I get along better with both my sisters than they get along with each other (3 years apart). I have heard that for good sibling relationships they should be less than 2 or more than 5 years apart. Not sure if there is much research to back it up but anecdotally it seems true to me.

Post # 20
Member
1439 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I have a brother who is 9 years younger than I am and we are very close! I babysat him a lot when he was young and now he’s 22 and he still looks up to me, but it’s more of a peer relationship than it was when he was younger. Don’t sweat an age gap. Just make sure to teach your oldest to care for his little sibling. If you foster a good relationship, the age difference won’t be important.

Post # 21
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My sister is 13 years younger than me. Admittedly when she was little, high school-/college-aged me spent most of my time at home trying to get away from her following me around like a lost puppy.  But now we are very close.

It’s an interesting dynamic because I’m still young enough to have fun with her and enjoy a lot of the same things she does, but old enough to where I can take on a mentor/parent-like role at times too. For example, I had “the talk” with her when she was 10 because our parents weren’t going to touch that with a 10-foot-pole.  I also feel like when I give “when you’re older you’ll understand” type of advice, it goes over a lot better than coming from our parents, because of the peer-like part of our relationship.  

Post # 23
Member
2844 posts
Sugar bee

They may not play with each other necessarily, but that doesn’t mean they won’t have a relationship. I have two older sisters, 6 and 7 years older than me and we were close growing up – just in a different way. One sister taught me how to do my makeup, the other one helped me with my homework a lot. I also listened to good hip hop and grunge rock in middle school instead of backstreet boys because I got it all from them…Got major cool points for that. They were role models for me, especially in my teenage years in a way my parents couldn’t be. 

Then once I was about 16 or 17 we developed more of a proper friendship relationship and we’re super close now. 

Every situation is different and depends more on personality than anything else. But you’re definitely not setting yourself up for a disasterous sibling relationship just because they’re far apart in age!

 

Post # 24
Member
7732 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My kids have a large age gap- they are 15, 7 and almost 2. I think it comes down to personality, rather than years as to how well they get along. My oldest two are just complete different in personality so they clash. But both the older girls adore the baby and she loves them both. My 2 year old and 7 year old are very close and play together all the time.

Post # 25
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m 17 years older than my youngest brother lol. My middle brother and I are 5 years apart.

My SO’s kids are 10 and almost 14, and we plan to start TTC next year, so there will likely be 15+ and 11+ year age gaps between our kid and their older brothers.

My brothers and I all have a fantastic relationship, and we aren’t worried about his older two feeling resentful. We definitely won’t try to force them to have a relationship with their younger sibling, but we will do our best to foster a bond between them and to make sure the boys know we aren’t trying to replace them or anything.

Post # 26
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My husband’s sister is 11 years older, and we all have a great relationship. Despite the age gap, we all have quite a few shared interests, so we love hanging out when we get to see her, her husband, and our niece. My best friend has two older brothers who also are considerably older, and they were the classic overprotective big brothers who adored their little sister. Five years is not a bad age gap at all!

Post # 27
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

My husband’s brother is 6 years older than him. They rarely speak even though they live 15 minutes apart. They rub along comfortably, just have nothing in common. Completely depends on personalities. Kids close in age won’t necessarily play together. It’s a roll of the dice. If you want another kid, go for it 🙂 

Post # 28
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I have a 7 year old son (8 in april) and a 2 year old son (3 in march) and I’m now 34 weeks pregnant. I love the gap between my boys and they play well together (for the most part) and I can tell they do love each other. I kind of wish there was more of an age gap between my middle and this baby because it’s sooo much easier to deal with kids as they become more independent. I’ve seen people struggle with kids who have them close together. It’s exhausting.

I have 3 siblings and there is quite an age gap. My younger sister is 21, I’m 31, brother is 35, sister is 39. I’m actually super close with both sisters and I would be closer with my brother if he didn’t live an 8 hour drive away. I’m probably closer to my younger sister and there is a 10 year age gap. 

When people talk about having kids I always recommend a having an age gap. Have the baby!

Post # 29
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Echoing everyone on the gaps don’t dictate the relationship. I have a brother only 3 years older, another 8 years younger, and then my sister who I am closest to that is 12 years younger. We’re all pretty close though  

My husband is closer to his sister who is 6 years older than his brother 3 years younger.

It all depends on the people in the relationship.

 

Post # 30
Member
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

My sister is almost five years older than I am, and she has resented me since the day I was born. She asked my parents to send me back. Since then, she has never, ever regarded me as a sister, just a bother. Now that we are adults, I see her once a year at a gathering at my mum’s house. We both put on a civil facade and get on with it. It is likely that when my mum passes I will never see her again.

Now, is that due to the age gap? Emphatically NO. There are LOTS of families with similar age gaps between their children who are happy and loving and get along quite well. This is all about personalities and resentment (my sister tends to be resentful towards a lot of people; it’s just who she is). Have the family you wish to have, and don’t let potential issues you have no way of predicting stop you. Your children may end up very close, despite the gap; or they could end up not close at all due to personality differences. That’s never something you can predict.

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