Big argument over photograph – help!

posted 2 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
1285 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve honestly never heard of a wedding guest printing a 5 ft photo of themselves to be placed at a wedding in their absence. The bride and groom support this idea?? That is bizarre. 

But beyond that, I think he should respect your wishes even if they are based on personal insecurities. 

Post # 3
3034 posts
Sugar bee

I say this as someone who hates being photographed and rarely allows a photo of me to be shared.  It’s not about self confidence, it’s about simply not liking the way I photograph.

I’m sorry, but he is being an asshole, here.

You have the right to say how photos of yourself are used, if they are shared with others, etc. 

He is being insensitive and dismissive.  The fact he went around you to arrange an enormous blown up photo of you to be displayed and shared because he knew you wouldn’t like it or consent?  That’s the sort of thing that is unforgiveable, to me. He has violated your trust.

Any chance you can get someone to intervene and intercept the photo?

Post # 5
9104 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@doglovingbee:  I think he’s being awful. I would be mortified at this. I see this as a violation and a betrayal. You are the only owner of your body and you have the right to not want a giant photo of it set out for people to gawk at. How does he not understand that?

Post # 7
181 posts
Blushing bee

First of all, the giant picture of you guys at a wedding is incredibly tacky. Other, more thoughtful ways of saying “sorry we couldn’t be there” would be a gift, card, flowers, or some sort of private gesture. He is being crass. I’m not sure that the couple will appreciate it, and it looks like a gesture from the both of you even though this is a unilateral decision. It reflects poorly even though you had no say in the matter, so you absolutely have every right to be mad. 

And in general, you ALWAYS have a right to your image and how it is publicly displayed. You are under no obligation to post anything on social media and your husband has no right to post pictures of you without your permission. Your marriage does not give him implicit consent to do so. You also have every right to be mad about this. The fact that he cannot see this is rather disrespectful. Don’t budge on this, OP. This for me is a hill to die on. It doesn’t matter what your reasons are for not wanting your pictures shared. You don’t have to have a reason at all. It’s your picture, you decision, the end. It’s his job to respect your autonomy and agency. 

Post # 9
8262 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My husband is not active on SM (has like 4 posts on insta and doesnt use fb), and hates how he looks in pictures. I am medium-ly active on SM, and you know what I just do? I just post other pictures, and not pics of him! Its really not that hard. 

The life size cutout is a bizarre addition to this story LOL. I asked my husband his thoughts, and he thought it would be hilarious as a joke (if his brother couldnt be at our wedding). He said it would probably end up in MORE pictures being taken of it, like moving it around and putting it in random family pics and whatnot. So I have a feeling your pics may be used a LOT more than he is expecting. 

Post # 11
798 posts
Busy bee

Your post inspired me to come out of lurkdom. You sound like a lovely person. Your husband sounds like a real asshole. There is nothing cute or funny about his actions. This is just plain ugly. It shouldn’t matter the reason – if you don’t want a picture of you presented in *whatever* fashion, he should respect that. This is gross behavior and a violation of your boundaries. I would find this a very disturbing look at a person’s judgment (the stunt itself) and character (making you feel badly, ignoring your perfectly reasonable request not to have your likeness on display at someone else’s wedding). Very sorry you’re dealing with this. You deserve better. 

Post # 13
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

In marriage I’ve learned that it’s not primarily about being right. It’s about hearing your partner and respecting their limits and priorities. It’s about…not picking a fight. In this case, he may feel confident that you are wrong about your appearance in photos in general or this photo specifically. He may feel right that it is your error because you are overreacting and it is your insecurity to deal with. He’s not seeing the more important issue. He knew this was a sensitive issue for you and tried to get his way in an underhanded manner. Hiding what he was doing because he knew it would make you mad… that’s the dead give away that he shouldn’t be doing it. Posting photos aren’t worth upsetting your life partner over. And blowing up a photo to life size proportions is not something many people would be comfortable with for many reasons besides aesthetics–it also gives an egocentric impression even if that’s not the real sentiment behind it. When picking our battles, so to speak, my husband and I weigh things based on how important an issue is to either one of us. When the issue in question is very important to him, I tend to defer to my husband’s request or preference. He does the same for me regarding things that are very important to me. If everything becomes a debate about who is right then everyone loses. It’s a sure way to sink a relationship. There’s a time when going with who is right is worth the struggle… like when I insisted we take my son to the children’s hospital in a rough part of the inner city when my son said his arm hurt (badly) from nothing more than hitting a red bouncy ball in pe. Not the local urgent care, they’re not highly trained and not doctors, I explained. My husband wanted to “wait it out.” I put my foot down. No. He had a benign growth on that bone that we knew about already and I wasn’t playing around. My husband knew to go with my decision. Turns out the tumor had weakened the bone and it snapped. My son needed surgery. But pressing that argument was over a broken arm. Your husband shouldn’t be pushing your boundaries about something as inconsequential as photos. He’s trying to bulldoze you on this and that is destructive to the relationship.

Post # 14
1517 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I would be so embarrassed to have a 5 foot high photo of myself at someone else’s wedding. That’s an egotistical, thunder stealing move. 

A lot of people don’t like having their faces on social media. Your husband is being an ass

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