- 2 months ago
- Wedding: October 2019
I’ve been on here seeking relationship advice in the past and here I am again. Hoping for some outside perspectives to provide some clarity.
Hubby and I have been married almost 1 year, together for 3. For the most part, very happy years. He is supportive and loving and goes above and beyond to show me that he is thinking about me. We got together when we were 34/35 and both being very indepedent and headstrong, have bickered about some little things but nothing serious.
Some background about me that will help understand the current issue: I am extremely self conscious, and especially when it comes to photos. This goes back to pre-teen years. I am a relatively good-looking and conventionally attractive person. NOT a supermodel by any means, never the most attractive person in the room, but to most people, I have nothing to complain about. Despite understanding this (on a… logical level? I guess?) it hasn’t helped me feel really and truly beautiful and self confident. Especially not in photographs.
DH is very good looking and doesn’t mind taking/posting photos of himself. He doesn’t have an overly huge ego but let’s just say he doesn’t struggle with self confidence. It has irritated him all along that I don’t like taking photos and that I especially hate when he posts photos of me without checking first. I rarely post anything on social media and when I do it’s hardly ever a photo of myself. So I really hate it when a photo of me is put out there without warning. This is something we’ve bickered about on an off over the last 3 years. And yes I get that it’s annoying. And that the issue is ME and my lack of self confidence. And maybe I need therapy. But as of right now, the fact remains: I hate photos of myself, and I wish that DH would be a little more understanding about it.
His sister is getting married next month in another country and we can’t attend due to COVID. Tonight he casually mentioned that a while ago he ordered a 5-foot photograh of us on some sort of stand to be present at her wedding since we couldn’t actually be there. My initial response was that this was a joke. But he assured me it was not. He planned and ordered all of this without checking with me, because he “knew I’d be mad.” Then he showed me the picture he’d chosen and it’s a legit horrible photo of me looking like I have a baby bump – I know I am terrible with pictures of myself but if he had discussed it with me there would have been several other pictures that I would have approved of that I don’t completely hate. Truly, I promise you all: the way the shadows fall over my dress in this particular photograph highlight my belly, and looking at this photograph truly makes me feel terrible.
Granted, I wouldn have approved of the idea at all, which is why he didn’t run it by me I’m sure. But isn’t that my right? What if I don’t want a gigantic photo of myself present at a wedding reception with 75 people? Even a good one? Aren’t I allowed to not want that? DH and I are in a horrible fight now because he’s once again so mad at me for not liking pictures of myself. And I am upset wishing that he would be more understanding and gentle about it. He also seems to think that if he says I look beautiful in a picture, I should believe it’s true, and there’s something wrong with our relationship if his opinion alone doesn’t make me feel better. I tried to explain to him that this isn’t how insecurity works – not mine anyway (it goes back years and years) – but he’s too mad to even listen to me.
In my opinion he’s being a complete jerk right now. He says he will do nothing to stop the huge picture from being on display at his sister’s wedding and that I once and for all just need to get over it. My feelings are hurt because he isn’t listening to me and he isn’t respecting my feelings about it. Bees, if the consensus is that I am being ridiculous about this issue I will really and truly try to get over my insecurities and apologize about getting so upset. But I really don’t think I’m wrong for wishing he had spoken to me about it first and at least let me be a part in choosing the picture.