Post # 137
It’s because there is no justification that makes what you’re saying sound in any way okay. Your position is very clear, and nobody agrees that you are right. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be on you.
How would YOU like it if you made what you felt to be a good decision and the right one for your relationship/wedding then had your FI’s family treating you like you were an evil bitch and questioning everything you’re planning?
You are completely in the wrong here. COMPLETELY. Let it go and be happy for your brother and Future Sister-In-Law. That’s the adult thing to do.
Post # 138
You can have that meal, I guess…but just with your family and only if your Future Sister-In-Law and brother want to do it….as they don’t….yeah.
I’m guessing that if they do anything that smacks of an “at home” wedding reception and don’t invite her family, there will be hell to pay. As her family will be offended it isn’t truly a party that’s hosted, she doesn’t want to invite them. If she can’t have them there, she doesn’t want to have any event that could be construed as an reception. She thinks your idea is rude (now, you have most peeps here agreeing with her-I do-, but that’s beside the point…she thinks it’s rude, so it is). She doesn’t want to be rude. End of story.
At this point, it may be you that’s being obtuse about this situation.
Post # 139
I’ve been a regular visitor to this site for some time now but rarely felt I could contribute to a thread.
However, based on your comments in this thread I’ve already figured out who your Future Sister-In-Law is on here. I have no intention of inflaming things by identifing the other poster publicly – I’ve flagged this thread to warn a moderator given how easy I found it to identify the other party. You need to close this thread down and let things calm down before it turns into a public spat.
Post # 140
I really haven’t seen any attacks on you. You came here for advice and opinions and everyone has given that to you. Your Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t want any kind of celebration. Period. Send them a nice card and leave it alone.
ETA: I agree with the poster right above be. You already said you know your Future Sister-In-Law is on here. Why in the world haven’t you deleted this yet? Just by searching my memory I think I remember some of her posts.
Post # 141
This is exactly why I’ve considered eloping multiple times. “You HAVE to do this, you HAVE to do that”. I don’t HAVE to do a damn thing other than say “I do” and sign my name in front of a JoP and a witness. We made a different decision than your brother and Future Sister-In-Law, we decided on a small wedding (under 75 people). And the answer to every single “But you have to” was “We appreciate your input. But we’re doing it our way, thank you”. They decided, as a couple, to elope. I’m reasonably certain that she didn’t hold a gun to your brother’s head and force him to book a flight to wherever they’re off to.
As far as the last name goes, that’s their decision. We’re not in the dark ages anymore, and we’re no longer barefoot and preggers in the kitchen. We can choose to change our name, or not. Both my fiance’s family and mine have women who kept their name and those who changed it. I’m choosing to take his name, but no one would have batted an eye if I hadn’t. He was fine either way.
When you get to the point of being engaged, you can make your own decisions on what you want to do. If you want a 300 person wedding with all the extras, you can have it. If you want to take his name, you can. Your wedding, your way. Their wedding, their way. It’s really that simple.
Post # 142
If you want a wedding to happen that bad find yourself a husband, and have the wedding you and your mom are pushing on your FSIL/brother.
You are looking for reason to dislike this girl. You’re reading way too much into things and making a big deal out of nothing. At the end of the day your brother/FSIL owe you nor your mom any explainations for their decisions. Get over it, find youself a husband, throw a lavish wedding, have a casual dinner afterwards and force your guest to pay for their own food and mind your own business.
Post # 145
I don’t agree with the OP
But I do agree with the fact that she is feeling attacked.
Post # 146
You and your family need to sit back and let your brother and Future Sister-In-Law get married in the manner that their finances, time, and emotional stamina permit. You also need to be sensitive to FSIL’s comfort level with who pays for what.
However, if your family wants to acknowledge their marriage in a celebratory fashion, is there an upcoming occasion that your brother and Future Sister-In-Law already plan to attend where you could provide a special cake or something for them? You say they are eloping in October — will there be any family holiday celebrations in the foreseeable future where you could toast to them and serve cake? Not a reception or anything specifically for them, but 5 min where you could formally welcome Future Sister-In-Law into the family?
Post # 147
- Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC
good lord. OP, you’re being absolutely ridiculous. Every single other person on this board has said it so I doubt my repeating it will have any effect, but I’m going to say it for my own sake. you HAVE to let them alone! I get you’re upset. Fine. Be upset and then GET OVER IT! You’re acting incredibly immature, and that’s coming from someone younger than you. Be a big girl about this and let it alone. Even if you’re not saying out loud (which I suspect you are) its not healthy to have this sort of obsession over their elopement. And yes you do look completely obsessed.
If your mother has an issue, she can deal with it herself. This dinner idea y’all have is terrible, unless a) your family pays for EVERYONE or b) the bride and groom actually want it and are willing to pay for it themselves. As far as the name taking and choice of suit…who cares? It’s 2013, she can keep her own name if she wants to for goodness sakes. And why are you so bent about his choice of suit? And it IS his choice…he’s a big boy and if he wanted something cheaper or for his mom to buy it he would have spoken up. This elopement is HIS choice too, whether you like it or not.
Post # 148
@bbones: “I just do not understand why we can’t have a casual family dinner where we all chip in. It’s not a reception, it’s a catch up for people who weren’t able to go to the wedding, it doesn’t have to be a big deal.”
OK, so find someone or several people in your family who is willing to plan and pay for it, and offer the option to your brother. Or just have a dinner for the four of you. It is that simple. If you aren’t even willing to do that, then stop expecting your brother and his fiancee to finance and plan a huge celebration for your family that they don’t even want.
As a side note, the average median wage for the UK in 2010 was £20,801. Your mother earns 50% MORE than that. She’s in a much better position to fund a party or buy a suit than much of the UK. So it might be a good idea to keep that in mind that if she wants something, then she should consider saving for it herself rather than just expecting other people to come up with the money. Perhaps she has unusual expenses, but she is still far from poor in the current economy.
Post # 149
There’s no reason not to go out to dinner! Go! Everyone can pay for themselves even! Just don’t make it about the wedding. That’s what you Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t want. She doesn’t want all the pomp and circumstance. She doesn’t want everyone giult tripping her about not being at the wedding. She just wants to be married. So again, have a family dinner. Don’t have a wedding celebration.
Post # 150
If her SIL sees this thread there will be even more drama.
Post # 151
+1. I’ve just figured out who her Future Sister-In-Law is and good lord, PLEASE OP, take this down before she sees it!!!