(Closed) Big brother's wedding… Mistake?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 122
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had to actually stop planning and hand it over to fiance and Future Mother-In-Law. I just really want to elope but he doesn’t. We compromised and settled on a smaller intimate ceremony. I just did not want to have to take a Xanax or anything else on my wedding day. I want to remember that day, not forget it entirely.

Post # 123
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@Glenda_the_good_witch:  I did the same thing! That’s a great decision and I still had a lovely wedding. Why does it have to be the woman who plans anyway. 

Post # 124
Member
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Dude.  It is OUT OF YOUR HANDS.  Know when to just drop it!  (Even in discussing with your mom, and in your own mind.)  Ultimately it’s their business and your concerns are not what matters!

When you get married, you can control it.  Until then, chillax.

ETA:  Not taking his name = a snub?!  What century do you live in?  Here in the 21st century, we don’t judge women’s love for their husbands or their in-laws based on a freaking name!  Good god, I wish I knew what WB member is your sister-in-law so I can message her support for having such batshit crazy in-laws.

Post # 125
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I wasn’t even going to comment but you think her keeping her name is a snub? What the eff? What sort of old-fashioned sexist bullshit is that? Her name is hers to change or not change as she pleases. It has nothing to do with you or your family.

Honestly, if any inkling of your feelings has been felt by her or your brother, I’m not surprised they’re eloping.

Also, you keep talking about how you’re assuming about your brother’s feelings. If you’re so concerned about them, why don’t you talk to HIM about this rather than his fiance???? You are much less likely to upset or alienate him with your harassment.

Post # 126
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@bbones:  I would say if they want to elope, then they should elope.  I understand your (and your family’s) concern, but it is not up to you (or your family) to decide.  I guess you can talk to him?  But if this is what she wants, then this is probably what she will have.  Regardless of what you or your family thinks.  I don’t mean to sound mean about it, but I don’t think your opinion will weigh much in their final decision.  It is their wedding not yours.

 

Post # 127
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This is not your wedding. You have absolutely no say in what your brother and his fiancee want to do with their marriage.

Post # 128
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s not your decision and not your business to get involved. They’re adults and free to choose whatever type of wedding they want. Though your feelings are valid about feeling left out, I don’t think you have any place to confront them. If a privte elopement is best for them that’s all that matters. Maybe you can offer to take them to a celebratory dinner when they get back.

You’re bro is a big boy and can take care of himself. 

 

abd yes it’s super tacky to throw a celebration dinner for yourself and expect everyone else to foot the bill. Your future sister in law has manners you could learn a lesson from. You sound really pushy and downright obnoxious about this so I can see why they don’t want you there. Just let them have their day. When it’s your turn you can plan your weddig however you want. You certainly won’t want people pushing you to do things you dot want to do so have the same respect for them.

Post # 129
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@bbones:  I hardly think that not taking your family name is a snub.  If she’s a graduate student, then perhaps she wants to publish under her name? There are MANY reasons to keep your name; none of which have ANYTHING to do with snubbing your husband’s family.  FYI: I kept my name because I felt that IT WAS MY NAME. My DH had no issue with it and if his family had given me grief (there have been some passive agressive thoughtless things that have happened), I would tell them to pound sand because it has nothing to do with them…at all.

 

I wasn’t going to say anything because I think that others have covered most stuff, but you do realise that you are seriously making this about you?  Do you think that perhaps your brother just wants the suit he wants for his wedding?  I’m not really sure how you can say that she delibertly has decided that he needs an expensive suit because she obviously wants your mom to not buy the suit (although, if your mom was going to force any choice for a suit on them, for whatever reason, I can see why they would want to go it alone)?  I mean, talk about thinking the absolute worst of someone.

 

I was with you about being hurt regarding the elopement because that’s your right. I can understand being hurt about not being invited.  However, my sympathy stops there because your family is being ridic.  If you want to throw them a party, do it.  I agree with your Future Sister-In-Law that you were basically asking her (or her famiily…which I  can’t believe you actually did) to pay for your family or be rude.  So….she’s supposed to throw a party that a) she doesn’t want, b) can’t afford, and c) in a way that her family will find offensive, only to prove to you that she isn’t snubbing your family?  Crazypants.  Maybe you should have more empathy for her position.  It isn’t all about you or your family.  Actually…this has nothing to do with you at all. 

 

Post # 130
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

OP, be a supportive Future Sister-In-Law.  They can (and should) plan the wedding that they want.  i’m sure you wouldn’t want them to exert their influence on your potential future wedding plans…

Post # 131
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@bbones:  Not your wedding. Not your buisness! Don’t try to make your future sister inlaw out to be this villian because they are not doing what you and you mother think is right. Dont get mad at them becuase your missing out on a chance to play dress-up.

 

Just becuse she does not like to be the center of attention certainly does not mean she has a personality disorder also. I would assume she avoids large family gatherings becuase your family sounds a little hostile/nosey. If you want to have a nice relationship with her and your brother, you and your monther should bud out and support whay they want to do!   

 

Post # 133
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@bbones:  I don’t think people (or at least I have not) are attacking you.  You came here and asked for advice.  We have given you advice.  If you don’t agree with the advice then don’t take it.  Really it is just that simple. 

ETA  It is not terribly difficult to find your Future Sister-In-Law on this site.  This is very hurtful to her, please shut this thread down.

Post # 134
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@bbones:  I think everyone here that is in the process of planning a wedding or has planned one recently probably has had someone try to force ideas on them and understand where your sister inlaw is coming from.

It’s not up to you. Get over it. The more your push what YOU want on them the less you will be involved. If you care about the relationship that your going to have with her and your brother just stop and accept what will make them happy.

Post # 135
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
@bbones:  please don’t feel like people are attcaking you, I think we brides just sympathies with your Future Sister-In-Law as many people do not understand how stressful weddings can be until you plan one. I think people are just strongly defending the brides decisions, which are hers to make. With regards to the meal, why don’t you do what a previous post suggested just you 4 go out for dinner and you guys pay. She can bring along pics talk about the day and not feel pressured. Just a casual meal. If they don’t want that then you have to respect it. They may see that as an extention of their wedding and they probably just want to keep the whole wedding experience intimate, special and just theirs. Their memories, their moment, the start of their new life together. 

Post # 136
Member
7506 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
@bbones:  OP, when you’re planning your own wedding, you’ll be annoyed with others who want you to do things their way instead of yours. Don’t annoy another couple by trying to make them plan their wedding and marriage your way. It’s really not your concern.

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