(Closed) Big Ceremony Problem…need advice PLEASE

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 4
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hmmm…I’m actually surprised the priest of the Catholic church said he was ok with it.  In the Catholic church, if you are not a practicing Catholic, you can’t partake.  I’m also surprised as non-Catholics, you are able to have the ceremony in the church.  Don’t they make you take classes?  Actually, when my mom passed, the Catholic church I grew in said my sister and I couldn’t partake b/c we were no longer practicing Catholicism.  You may want to, on your own, go speak with the priest and especially ask them about their guidelines.  The priest may have only spoken to your Fiance because he was Catholic and he knows you are definitely not Catholic.  Really, you should sit down and discuss this with the priest as there are guidelines in catholicism.

Post # 5
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would find another church – they will understand that you want to change churches.  Since neither of you are Catholic (and you NEED to tell the other priest that) I’m surprised they are letting you get married in a Catholic church.  You really need to talk to the preist at the church and see what your options are.  If neither of you are Catholic, he definitely won’t marry you, but you might be able use the chruch at an extra fee.  I don’t really know how that works.

Is there a reason you don’t have the ceremony in the church you attend? 

 

Post # 7
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@michelejosephine:  Oh oops!  I missed that part, sorry about that.  That makes sense.  Good luck finding a church!

Post # 8
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

I think it’s pretty clear that the local priest originally agreeing to let you have your wedding there was based on a mistaken assumption – and your failing to correct that misconception when you were aware of it kind of is a lie (Catholics call it a “sin of omission” – failing to do something you should have done – as opposed to a “sin of commission”, actively doing something you were not supposed to do.)

The Communion thing is going to be an intractable problem because Communion in a Catholic church is fundamentally different from how Protestants view communion. (The difference in capitalization just now was not accidental, btw.) There was a long discussion about it the other day on this thread if you’d like to see some of the ins and outs: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/calling-all-catholics

It’s also never okay in the Catholic church to only give Communion to the couple at a wedding, because Catholic weddings are intended to be public celebrations with the entire community, and Communion is part and parcel of that. It’s a sign of unity, so the Church tries to avoid having it take place in ways that emphasize division or exclusion. This is why when a Catholic marries a non-Catholic, the Church recommends (although it doesn’t require) that they have a wedding without Mass, so you don’t have the situation where one half of the couple gets to receive and the other doesn’t – that would introduce division in a rite that is supposed to focus on unity. The Church even recommends that when both parties are Catholic but much of the congregation isn’t (if, for example, one or both of the couple’s families are largely non-Catholic) it might be wise to have the wedding take place without Mass so that a big part of the congregation doesn’t get excluded.

Given that neither of you are Catholic in any real sense, the most honest thing for you to do is to find another church. You don’t want to do anything that compromises your own beliefs, and it’s not fair of you to ask either priest to celebrate a rite in a Catholic church that isn’t in accordance with what the Catholic church believes and teaches.

Post # 9
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Why not do a private communion after the ceremony in another room in the church?

Post # 10
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m not Christian (neither Catholic nor otherwise) but I don’t understand why you would even consider getting married in a Catholic church if neither of you believes in Catholic doctrine.  That seems rather disrespectful.

Post # 11
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Do not get married in a Catholic church if neither of you is a practicing Catholic. You are both lying, even if by omission. That’s not a great way to start off a marriage. 

Post # 12
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@ElbieKay:  Agreed. It’s strange that youre talking about being such a devout Christian and how important the religious aspect of the ceremony is to you, yet you lied to a priest (yep, lying by omission is lying). That may be harsh, but that’s the truth. Do you really want to start your marriage in a building that you got into by lying about yourselves? 

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