Post # 1
I’ve never wanted a huge wedding. However, it was always important to us that our families share in our special day. But, I’m starting to think, IS IT ALL WORTH IT?
We’ve been saving so much and even decided to have a very long engagement so we can afford to have a decent (by no means over-the-top) affair. I’m second guessing if we are doing the right thing. In the end, it’s just ONE DAY – that costs an awful lot of money. The fact that my venue charges 21% admin fees and 8% tax on everything doesn’t help either.
I’m just feeling down thinking about the whole thing. I know either way, big or small, 100 people or 4, the day will be amazing to US. And who knows if the guests would think the same (I can plan and hope all I want, but in the end, it could be “just another wedding” they’re obligated to attend).
So, how many other bees have felt this way? How many decided to forfeit the “BIG” day and simplify things, maybe even just elope?
Post # 3
I’m right there with you, sister! I can’t believe how much money can be spent on ONE DAY. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I just keep thinking of all the things I deprived myself to save money for just that one day. That makes me sad, like I shouldn’t feel that way.
Post # 4
@HaveGroomWillTravel: I’ve been having similar feelings for a few months. Especially when I saw my dads cousins this summer and they didn’t even know my name, yet they are on my guest list for my “big fat italian wedding”. We are pinching pennies and living paycheck to paycheck. Our engagement lasted over 2 years – and we’ll be getting married in less than 2 months. Had I known then, what I know now (basically that no one except you will care as much about your wedding, and why do I want people who don’t even know my name at my wedding) I would have done things a lot differently. Cut the guest list in half, do it for half the cost… with only our #1’s there.
Post # 5
@HolyVowels: Ah, the big fat Italian wedding…the obligatory guest lists…crazy, isn’t it?! My Future Mother-In-Law looked over our guest list, came up with an additional 10 or so guests and even wrote “+5” on the bottom. No idea who these 5 mystery people are but apparently she needed a buffer LOL.
I suppose much of this just goes with the territory for having a wedding which has a guest list in the first place. We will absolutely be cutting down on the guest list (which is already relatively small at about 120). But I’m still just wondering if maybe the elopers and those who just invite their “#1’s” are the smart ones here.
Post # 6
Omg it’s so good to hear other people having the same doubts… I have already done so much for our wedding that we are comitted to doing the whole BIG wedding thing.. I get really caught up in things and spend so much time perfecting all these tiny details.. And I wonder if anyone else will even notice or appreciate it.. We have spent so much money! We actually entered all of our costs on an online budget calculator (my FH idea!) I would have rather not known.. But i just gotta keep going and hope everyone is wow’ed! I’m sure we are just worrying over nothing!!
Post # 7
Lol Im on the other side of the fence and it feels good not to have to worry about this stuff,but something we learned: we invited just under 60 people to our wedding. All of them RSVP`d. Less than HALF turned up. And th half that didnt turn up,for no good reason, we realised that we didnt even really want these people there. We didnt miss them, the party wouldnt have been a million times better if they had been there, and to be honest we didnt even really notice until later on in the night.
What Im trying to say is, keep it to people that you know will really appreciate being there and be genuinely happy and supportive of you as a couple. People who would be honoured to be there with you on that day, not people who see it as “just another wedding they have to attend”
On a side note, every single guest came up to either me or my husband during the day/night and commented how lovely it was to go to such an intimate wedding-even if we didnt plan it that way lol!
Post # 8
Oh, I am joining this club.I tend to waffle between “It’s our wedding! Let’s do it!” and “This is just costing TOO MUCH!” attitudes.
So much money for one day. So much money that we could use for so much else.
Guest count isn’t my worry – we’re really having all of the people that we want to celebrate with. Between our large families and our close friends, this is about 180 people. What drives me crazy is the money. Especially a couple of contracts that we got stuck in after family members promised to pay, then backed out. Ugh.
Post # 9
I’m a negative Nancy when it comes to how much we spent on the wedding. Relatively, we spent way less than a lot of couples. The day was perfect, but we would’ve been happier with a more toned down affair.
Post # 10
I understand completely! A big part of me wanted to elope but my Fiance has a huge family and it cannot even be considered.
We never even had a budget and are just planning and buying stuff paycheck to paycheck and selling things like old jewelry and his Harley.(he hasn’t ridden it in years)
I ofter wonder if it’s really worth it. He keeps telling me everything will be fine but I lay awake every night worrying and adding costs up in my head.
In the meantime we are sharing a car with over 120,000 miles on it and have hardly any furniture!
Of coarse I dream of a big beautiful wedding but reality is reality.
Post # 11
I definitely agree with the ONE DAY sentiment! I mean, I think we’re doing good, spending wise, but things keep adding up and popping up. Like the decorator I never planned to have, and transportation that I never thought of (esp since 5 of 6 of the Bridesmaid or Best Man and the 3 Groomsmen are from out of town).
Post # 12
I have had these feelings before!! I know that things can become very overwhelming especially when the costs start to add up. We thought about eloping, but we really wanted to be able to experience everything with all of our family. We knew that if we went away to get married not everyone would be able to make it. Thats just the reality of the situation. Oh well. So now here we are getting married in 54 days. Its still overwhelming but I think that in the end we made the right choice for us. I hope you start feeling better soon!! It is a lot of money to spend on one day, just search around and do your homework on what you are getting. We are still spending a pretty penny on our day about 8k but that includes everything. Its by no means a little bit of money its a lot but around here, its almost unheard of!! You can make any budget work if you get creative!!
Post # 13
This is why we decided to do a small (30-40 person), intimate, destination wedding. We couldn’t imagine spending $30,000 on a wedding and living paycheck to paycheck to pay for a big 200 person wedding in our hometown, while also saving to purchase a home. We are now able to pay for our whole wedding and still save for our future home with money to spare. Do what works best for you & your fiance.
Post # 14
Thanks lady 🙂 Lots of greats advice. I think i just need to refocus, get a little more creative, and definitely trim that guest list down to those who really matter to us.
Post # 16
I can understand your feelings. My Fiance have decided to have a ling engagement and save because this is a one time deal for us and we want to have a nice day. We dont do alot so for one day we can do it right and have a good time.