(Closed) Big extended family, not close to many of them…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@AnneNM82:

Small venue and small budget. I’m not inviting anyone I see once a year and only at holidays who do not call during the year. If you do not talk to them, they will not know about the wedding. Explain to your mom that weddings are for those who love you and that is how to intend to keep it

Post # 4
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What about just sending them announcements after the wedding with a picture?

Post # 5
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@LuvMySailor:  agreed. And I understand: our wedding is kept small because there are only a handful of people who genuinely care about us. We decided a long time ago we weren’t inviting his huge family (I don’t have a big one) simply because we didn’t want to cut the budget anywhere to have extra people! We also want it to look lovely and in doing so, we’re keeping it tiny! 

 I have no idea what a good excuse is anymore, “our venue can’t hold many people”… “we don’t have enough money to feed everyone, hence us doing an after-dinner reception in the first place”…. I think those have worked so far. I have no idea if these extended people know yet, that is up to FH’s family to tell them since they all live together far from us and no one has contacted me with questions. 

Post # 6
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Our parents didn’t like that we didn’t invite every family member either and it’s unfortunate that they are unhappy, but we are relieved that it will be a much simpler event. We’ve just told people that we are having immediate family only. We also made sure we’d planned several details before we even started to discuss the event with anyone. Therefore, even if they complained or questioned us we’d already made or decision. Just be aware it won’t placate some people and they’ll be upset anyway.

Post # 7
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We compromised.  Small ceremony venue, and dinner served at the reception only for ceremony guests.  The small venue forced us to limit the guest list, and I cut it cleanly at just immediate family, VERY close friends, aunts/uncles, and only first cousins that are spending money to fly in from out of state.  We did invite the ENTIRE extended family to a cocktail reception following the dinner, as well as friends of our parents that they wanted to include.  This kept our cost down, and kept the intimate part of the day limited to those closest to us.

Post # 8
Member
2822 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am in the same situation I have a HUGE family but I am not close to all of them. We want a very intimate destination wedding so I will only be inviting the family members that I am close to. We will have a casual AHR for everyone else to join and this keeps the wedding costs low for us as well. Good luck 🙂

Post # 9
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think these suggestions are great… some people really do fish for invitations, and they’ll just come for the party- not to celebrate your marriage. PP said that she only invited those she sees more than once per year/speaks to periodically… I did the same thing. If I couldn’t remember a meaningful conversation I’d had with them in the past year or so, I did not include them. We had a big family reunion last summer, most of them I hadn’t seen in 3-5 years. It was honestly awkward with some of them, and I do NOT want that environment at my wedding. Could you imagine the guests saying oh how do you know the bride? and their response: She’s my second cousins stepdaughter! nooo thank you.

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