(Closed) Big fight am I wrong, how to fix it?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 19
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@HappyHannah1980:  Find a time when you’re both home and in good moods. The discuss it with him. Reiterate that you’re sorry that you made the call without consulting him and that you understand why he is upset. Then explain why you took the placement so quickly and that next time something that impacts both of you comes up you will be sure to consult with him first (you don’t need to agree with him or do what he wants you to do, you just need to let him know what is going on ahead of time).

I understand where he is coming from, especially the hating your job part. . . but education comes before vacation and he needs to realize that. Your education is something that will give you both a better future and will allow him to go back to school to pursue his interests and find something that he really loves. If he can see the positives in this then that is a good thing.

Post # 20
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If I were in his spot, I would be upset that I wasn’t at least consulted first before making such a huge decision. It’s not “giving permission” but moreso respect in the relationship. I would want to feel like we are making major life decisions together, not with one calling the shots (even if you knew it was inevitable that this would be your decision)!

Post # 22
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  I don’t think you should be worried that he’ll stop loving you, unless there are other reasons…but I really think he’d be a big butthead if he left you over this. I think you did the right thing by taking the internship, but I can see why he’s hurt. Fiance and I talk about everything before we make decisions because it’s important for both of us to have input. I think what you should do is apologize (which you did), promise better communication in the future, and make this vacation the next most important thing in your life.

Post # 23
Member
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You doing this will only BENEFIT the both of you.  So you miss a vacation?  Can’t you do that later in the year?  

If rolls were reversed would he still feel he should go on vaca, and fall behind on the program(for possibly 2years) and out 1200.00?  

The timing sucks (i’m sure you would love to go away) but you have to do what’s right for progressing in your program.

Post # 25
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  Your question was directed to someone else, but my answer would be that I would need to know that this is the absolute LAST time an important decision was made without my input, considering the decision has an impact on both of our lives. The decision was already made, so there’s nothing you can really do, especially since you made the right choice, except promise that the future will be better.

Post # 26
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@HappyHannah1980:  Oh man. That is so tough. Of course you are making the only decision you can make. You can’t risk having to repeat most of your internship! But I can also see why he’s upset. Even though there really isn’t another option, you probably should have talked to him before telling the program yes. 

At this point, just apologize for making the decision without him and that you know what he’s giving up/putting off for you and how much you appreciate it. Talk to him about the “options” and he’ll see that there isn’t any other choice. 

Post # 27
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think it is really important for you to take this internship. I guarantee it will not be considered a good thing to ask the internship director to start after vacation. You have already invested so much time and effort into your education and you are so close to getting it done, please don’t screw it up now. You said you have both gone on vacation several times over the past year, so it really should not be that big of a deal to postpone this one. I would be really perturbed if a man considered a vacation more important than my education.

 

Post # 28
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You should probably have consulted him first with your plans.  I think that’s probably why he’s upset the most.. that you made the plans without him.

Post # 29
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

@HappyHannah1980:  My Fiance wouldn’t be mad for taking something to further my career. Career/School always comes before vacation.

Usually I tell him before I accept, but if I can’t he understands. You need to sit and talk with him about this.

Post # 30
Member
796 posts
Busy bee

@HappyHannah1980:  Looking from his point of view: he was looking forward to a much needed vacation. He’s in a job he hates with no opportunity to change that situation at the moment. Then your circumstances changed, and you postponed the holiday without talking to him about it. Not to say that what you are doing doesn’t make sense – it does, but he missed out on the opportunity to be part of that decision, or at least feel like he was part of that decision. In my opinion, what you did ultimately wasn’t wrong, but not having a discussion about it first was.

Post # 31
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  If it were me, it’d take time to cool down and really think through it. I think a sincere apology and explanation of your reasoning at that moment in time would suffice. If he drags it way past that, then there might be other issues bigger than a one time event.

The topic ‘Big fight am I wrong, how to fix it?’ is closed to new replies.

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