(Closed) Big fight am I wrong, how to fix it?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@HappyHannah1980:  You should have discussed your plans with him, but he’s acting like a petulant child. 

Post # 33
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

You should have talked to him, but I think he’s being a bit silly. 

If he’s unhappy with his career or job, then you should talk to him about that and figure out a plan of action.

 

Post # 34
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I agree with others that his behavior seems a little much. However, I don’t want to put ideas in your head that are total speculation, but any chance he was going to propose to you over the vacation and so he might be consequently much more upset about it being canceled? And why he is trying to get you to postpone the start of the internship? It seems like that is very clearly not what you should do, so I am just trying to think of why he is trying to put your finishing your program in jeopardy (especially if he feels like his life is “on hold” because of it).  Either way, he needs to just suck it up that things don’t always go as planned and that you’ll just need to reschedule your vaca.

Post # 35
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Just wanted to say that I think you definitely made the right choice and if it were me I would absolutely NOT email the director. I was in school for the first 4 and a half years that DH and I were together and it was no secret that school was my absolute number one priority. Finishing school benefits not just you, but him as well. I don’t think you should do anything to jepordize the opportunity you’ve been given, that you say you’ve been waiting and waiting for. I feel like because you’ve already agreed to begin your internship on a particular date, if you ask now to begin later so that you can take a vacation, it’ll come off as though the internship isn’t a priority in your life.

I hope when you explain all of this to your SO, he shows some understanding!

Post # 36
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it was obvious that you should put off the vacation and take the internship.  I don’t think you should’ve done it without talking to him first.  And I know a lot of PP’s have said he’s being selfish and a brat – but I think if you put yourself in his shoes you’d be upset too.  Maybe not quite to his level.. I do think he’s overreacting by taking it this far…

HOwever, even if the decision was already made in your mind, I’m sure he’d appreciate you at least give him the courtesy of talking it over and including him in the decision.  Particularly if he feels he’s had to put off his own education etc. while waiting for you to finish yours. 

He’s probably having a bad day or frustrated about a few things and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I mean, you said he hates his job, and that vacation would’ve been 2 weeks away from his job too.  I had to put my education on hold and keep working as a teacher (which I HATED) for 3 years while my Fiance was in school .. and i had to live with my parents.  I understand how frustrating it is feeling like you’re putting your life on hold while someone else reaps all the benefits.  But then, that’s part of being in a relationship.

I’d let him blow of steam, then I’d apologize for not including him in the decision but that ultimately, even he should know that it really was the only option for you.  And the sooner you finish school and move to start your new job, the sooner he can go back to school and look for his new job!  I’d put it to him that way… Mexico/Cuba/Dominican etc will still be there…

Post # 37
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  I think he will get over the trip postponement but the issue is you should have at least run it by him before deciding or have a heads up that this was your decision before you actually committed. Just tell him you will be inclusive in the future but this was a right decision and you wanted to jump on it. 

Post # 39
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@HappyHannah1980:  I really do think that this is mostly about your blindsiding him and taking away an awesome, happy goal and moving it forward. Not about the actual vacation.

Just continue to give him time to cool off. During the time that the actual vacation will be, perhaps try to create a vacation-like atmosphere at home (if possible). For instance, have music playing when he gets home with a cold drink waiting and dip – or something similar. It obviously won’t be exactly like the vacation, but it might make the days at his awful job more bearable.

Also, DO NOT email your internship person about your vacation, that would be an extremely bad move. Congratulations on getting it too btw!

Post # 40
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  He is overreacting at this point, but I do think you should have discussed it with him prior to accepting and arbitrarily cancelling the vacation. I think it was a bit disrespectful for you not to at least ask his advice/opinion. Put yourself in his shoes…I’d be pretty upset too. 

Post # 41
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

A vacation never trumps education. He’s behaving like an ass. Disappointed I would understand. But he’s being over the top.

Post # 42
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  I’m sorry — but why are you having to constantly apologize in this situation? The reason you accepted the internship without discussing this with your Fiance first is because it was a no-brainer. Seriousy jeopardize your career vs go on vacation? Shame on him for making you feel like that was even a choice to begin with.

I would sit down with him once he’s calmed down and explain that this is just one of many, many curve balls life is going to throw at you both. And you have to be able to talk about these things without yelling, without screaming, without passive aggressive treatment. Explain that you taking the internship now is best for both of you; it’s not about your future vs. his future anymore. You’re doing this for each other.

 

Post # 43
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It sounds to me like he’s been very spoiled and used to getting his way and in return he’s acting like a spoiled brat. My advice would be to put your foot down and put this internship first and tell him that you will not email the director because that wouldn’t be in your best interest. Sometimes you have to say no to earn respect and to prevent yourself from becoming a doormat. I wish you luck and hope it all works out!

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