- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Sorry for the fake login – couldn’t bear to post under my real account.
Fiance and I got into the biggest fight last night.
The short version? He slept on the sofa and left for work this morning without saying a word. All the other times we’ve fought, we’ve resolved it by morning and he’s left with our traditional goodbye kiss. This time, as he left silently, it killed me.
The long version:
Some background: Fiance has been going through some financial issues. He is not the financial wizard, to say the least. I know this, I’ve accepted this, but it still frustrates me from time to time. Yesterday, he did his taxes and got a 4K tax bill (a total relief to both of us, as I was expecting 10K (he had to short sell his house). He’s also trying to get out of a ridiculous car lease (7 years, $500 a month!!) by selling it to a private party. To get out of the least, he’s going to have to front at least $3-4K (since the selling price is less than what it’s worth). Last week, we agreed to have him take $2K out of the wedding fund to purchase a car to use when his other car sold.
Fast forward to last night: he thinks he might have a buyer for the leased car – which is a huge relief and I’m excited to get rid of it. I made the comment: well, there goes the wedding fund (because now it will pretty much depleat it) and he flipped out on me – and I flipped right back. While we are both contributing to the fund, I’ve done about 75% and I’m floating household payments while he gets on his feet from credit card debt he incurred while trying to keep his house. Getting rid of the car lease and figuring out taxes was the last huge hurdle we had to cross.
I told him that I knew it was the right decision (to take the money out of the wedding fund to get rid of the car lease) but I told him that he’d need to understand that from time to time, I’m going to get frustrated at our financial situation.
From that point, it was a downhill spiral. He said he felt like it was all his fault, and I didn’t do anything to change his mind (I actually said: yes, it is all your fault!). I didn’t bitch at him more than that, we just huffed around all night in silence. At some point, he started getting all snappy with me, and I asked him why he was snappy at me and he said he didn’t know. He pulled the “Are you PMS’ing” card which infuriates me to no end.
When it was time for bed, he beat me to bed and I was so frustrated that he wouldn’t talk to me, I told him that I didn’t want to sleep in the same bed with him, if he wouldn’t talk to me. So, after some more angry words, he slept on the sofa (another first for us).
I realize I hit his manhood button, but I’m always the one who reconciles fights – not just in our relationship but in all relationships. Quite frankly, I’m sick of it and think that sometimes the other person needs to step up to the plate.
I usually have no problem extending the olive branch, but for whatever reason, wanted him to be a man and accept the fact that he’s bringing serious money issues into our lives and not be a jerk about it. I don’t think what I said to him is unreasonable – and I KNOW I didn’t get all that frustrated (other than showing disappointed that the wedding fund would be poof). I reiterated that it was the best long-term financial decision, but at that point, it was too late.
I feel like this fight is setting some sort of standard for us. While I fumed and didn’t sleep last night, I couldn’t help but start to wonder if we should even get married. I know my frustration and anger fueled my feelings, but I kept saying to myself – if he doesn’t come in here and resolve this, it’s over. It didn’t even dawn on me that he wouldn’t say goodbye in the morning. When he didn’t.. it felt like a nail in the coffin.
I don’t even want to wear my e-ring today. 🙁
I guess I’m trying to figure out if I’m being unreasonable or if I should have said something to him last night to make the peace.
At this point, I think it’s best to wait for him to extend some sort of communication with me. What sucks even more is I have plans tonight and tomorrow night and he works during the day on Saturday. Who knows if he’ll even be here when I get home tonight….