(Closed) Big or Small Wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s a really personal decision. For me I really just thought about what I like best at family get togethers. My favorite holidays are when the whole, huge, gigantic family gets together and there’s a million people doing a million things and everyone is smiling and laughing and talking over one another. So we are having a big wedding. But that’s me.

Post # 5
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I prefer the smaller weddings. There’s more attention towards each guest, although the day is about the bride and groom. I’d like to offer that to my guests too. I’m not really fond of big parties or crowds, and my Fiance shares that sentiment. We’d like to keep it at a minimal and it’s an added plus that it’ll generally be softer on our wallets to go this route.

In short, I’d have quality time over quantity time. But like PP mentioned; it’s about preference and persepective.

Post # 6
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It is a really personal thing – but here is my persepctive from an ‘encore’ bride…. so my first wedding was a large 175 people affair.. I HATED it!!!!  for me just never felt a connection on the day to any of the people that were there as you never have time to speak to them all..mingling therefore became stressful instead of enjoyable!!! Family want you to meet Aunt so and so etc etc and friends want your attention too!! 

I was so concentrated on making sure that everything was perfect and that everyone was enjoying themselvs that I myself was not able to REALLY soak it all up and enjoy it for what it was…The day was more of a Blur than anything enjoyable and afterwards I was left with a very deflated experience from it all and one of ‘Did I just get married’!!!

So this time around we are having a Destination Wedding with a VERY small intimate group (20 max!!) and already I am so much happier as I know that this time around I will not get ‘Lost’ in the crowd so to speak 🙂 

I think it all depends on the type of person you are and how you handle your day..we’re all different go with what your heart tells you to have 🙂

Post # 7
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Angkinah:  My first wedding had 110.  Really wish I hadn’t paid for pictures of all those people I didn’t know.  Second wedding was a Destination Wedding with 27 people.  There were a few we wished could have been there but I have NO REGRETS about my wedding.  It was much more personal…and more us.  

Post # 8
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@texasbee:  LOL I soooo know what you mean about the people you didn’t know!!! Half of the guest list I think was filled with people my mother invited or his mother that I did NOT know and had no way of getting to know at my wedding!! 

Good to hear you enjoyed your Destination Wedding with a small number – I am SO looking forward to this wedding which is something I could never say about my first one!!

Post # 9
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

How long is your engagement?  Our ideas have changed sooooo many times, sometimes it’s good to sit on an idea for a while and talk it over, run it past the key family members that you want to be there.

If you have a destination wedding (would Hawaii be destination for the majority or vice versa?) I am of the school of thought that it should be a full event.  Lunch seems kind of casual/short in my mind (although Im sure there are very nice luncheons), but I’d feel like I’d need to provide a longer event with dancing and even non-wedding activities for people that have to pay so much to see you get married.

Maybe that is just me as I did plan a Destination Wedding once and that was the overwhelming feeling I got from my family – they asked, “What all is there going on, because this is a long way to go for a wedding.”

You could have a celebration party in one of the locations – an event after you are married if you wanted to be with family to celebrate your marriage?.

Post # 10
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is the first and possibly most difficult decision of the whole wedding.

It sounds like you would be happy with only 40 people at your wedding, and in your mind you’ve already designated them to being more important than the other 85 people, so I would recommend inviting those 40 whether its in Hawaii or not. Those are the people that you’re going to remember being at your wedding, and who will remember it too, and those are the people that you’ll want pictures taken with.

Of course, in the end it’s your decision.

Post # 11
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

I had what most would consider a small wedding (about 60 ppl), but it felt HUGE to me. It was a lot of fun. I think whichever choice you go with will be great.

Post # 12
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Fiance and I have battled this same exact issue for the last couple of months; last night we just decided to go with a “big” (between 100-120 guest) wedding.

For me an intimate wedding seemed fun, more relaxed, more us, etc. We got engaged Thanksgiving weekend, and I left that weekend thinking I wish my wedding could be exactly like that. Close family sitting around eating a great meal, celebrating our engagement, playing games, bonding, etc. It felt like the perfect way to join us together and the cost compared to a big wedding is amazing. But my mom and my entire family was upset about it; I’m an only child, the only granddaughter, and the only niece so my wedding has been a huge deal since I was little. It got me to thinking, what’s so bad about the big wedding? Why can’t be celebrate with more people? We don’t have to, and we won’t be inviting everyone and their neighbor we will just be inviting those closest to us and that have played a crucial role in making us who we are as individuals and as couples. I want to be able to share the joy with those people. So we are having a big wedding, but making it intimate. Yes there will be more then 50 guests, and we might not get to talk long with every single guest, but I can’t not allow them to come to our wedding when they have played such a big role in our lives. Plus, our wedding will be just like we dreamed of a small wedding, only more guests; there will still be amazing food, we are setting up a game area, we will be celebrating with those closest to us, and every guest will feel like a big part of the wedding and feel included.

Besides, I only plan on getting married once and when I get married I want to experience everything. I want to be able to have a bridal shower, and bridesmaids, and a bachelorette party, I want a big party the morning of, etc etc etc.

Really the only advice I can give you is to follow your heart, and listen to your gut. If you will forever be happy with a wedding of only 40 guests, and you don’t have any feelings like you’re missing out by not celebrating with everyone you dreamed of. If you don’t wish people would be there who can’t because of the small wedding guest list then go for it. If you at all feel like you will be missing out if you have a small wedding then go with the big wedding. Yes its more stressful, and cost more money, and takes longer to organize but enjoy the time being engaged to the love of your life because all too soon you will be married and will never be able to go back in time to when you were just engaged and planning the wedding of your dreams.

Also something Fiance and I are considering is having an intimate first look ceremony type thing. We really want to do traditional vows, but we love the intimacy of the intimate wedding. So we might be doing a first look, and saying hand written vows to each other. It would only be us (and the photographer) and maybe our moms, saying vows to each other, before going into the big ceremony in front of everyone. Just something to consider.

Post # 13
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We had 65 people at our wedding and it was PERFECT. I couldn’t imagine having any more. I had plenty of time to make the rounds and talk to every single person without feeling rushed. Our guests were our family and very closest friends and it turned out to be a wonderful, personal, intimate wedding. My mom wanted me to have a big wedding and I fought for months to have a small one. It was the right choice for us.

The other plus was that were were able to spend more money per person, which equated to a better venue, better food, open bar, etc. We would not have had our gorgeous wedding if we had more guests because we wouldn’t have been able to afford it.

Post # 14
34 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

We originally planed a wedding for 150 people but then we decided to cut that in half and we are having 75 people. I am so glad we decided to trim the guest list. We are paying for our wedding ourselves and let me tell you savings are huge, and also I will be able to talk to everybody and enjoy everybody’s company which is much harder to do when you have a big wedding.

Post # 15
4431 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would have had a smaller wedding, but my fiance has a large close knit italian family..so it wasn’t really possible without hurting feelings of close relatives that we see often. 

I would also, in MY opinion, regret not having the full lavish reception and excitement that I personally feel a larger wedding brings.


We are having about 135 people.

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