(Closed) Big Time Bridesmaid Drama! Need Advice!(little long sorry) pt 3 THE OATH

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

What will you do if they break the contract?

In all honestly, while I do like the idea of a bridesmaids “oath” I don’t think it will go over well or work the way it’s supposed to. 

Post # 4
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m going to be honest here, if I were asked to do something like this as a condition to standing up for someone in their wedding, I would either have to back out or politely decline being in the wedding. It’s not even a matter of being offended by someone thinking I can’t behave myself (I would be a little offended, but  in reality, I know that adults can be worse than kids when it comes to cattiness) but more of a matter that if I knew me being in your wedding with another bridesmaid had the potential to put a damper on things, I would want to save you from having to deal with that.

I read through part 2, and it sounds like there is in fact a lot of drama between B and C, and if I understood everything correctly, C is the one starting and perpetuating it. You also mentioned you had a potential back up bridesmaid (your brother’s FI). I’m certainly not trying to change your mind, but have you asked B and C yet? If it were me, I would avoid not only the drama between B and C, but the drama that asking them to sign an oath might cause and pick either B or C and your Future Sister-In-Law.

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

huh? you asking people to recite and sign this dribble?  if it was me i would be running for the hills to get away

Post # 6
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yeah….I wouldn’t sign that. If you have concerns with them, talk to them openly and treat them as adults. This comes off as very patronizing. Also, if they accidentally roll their eyes in front of you and you ask them to step down, will they be out the cost of the dress? That’s really not fair to them. 

Post # 7
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yea–I would recommend having an honest talk with each of your bridesmaids rather than making them sign something. It just doesn’t come off right.

Post # 8
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

having sign an agreement for them to be your BM’s on YOUR wedding day seems a bit all too much. If they cause drama and a fuss at the end of the day you’ll have learnt who your true friends are…

In my honest opinion i would be offended if i had this given to me, but each to there own.

Post # 9
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee

I could understand if you wanted to do this as a joke Bridesmaid or Best Man contract as a way to let them know that you wanted them to stand up with you, but if you are doing this because you have real concerns about their behaviour or manners then I think you are better off having a talk with them privately.

Granted I also believe that your BMs should be people you love and respect for who they are, and from what I gather you are most worried about their attitude towards each other. I would sit them both down and say that you love and care for them both and want them to be in your wedding party but only if they can be calm and civil. Then its their decision from that point onward. So maybe more of a verbal contract would be much much better than something signed like you posted.

Post # 10
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yea, I’m sorry, but I would not sign that. 

I sent a “contract” to my bridesmaids, which I got from Offbeat Bride, and I changed it only slightly to be more about me (and I don’t actually care if they sign it or not):

– I will look however I want, because Sheena doesn’t care (mostly).

– I swear to “be there” for the bride, just like I always am, because she is my friend.

– I will NOT let Sheena’s wedding detract from other parts of my life.

– I will not forget that while I am Sheena’s friend, she is MY friend as well, and is there if I need her.

– I will eat drink and be merry whenever possible.

– I will engage in as much laughter and “inappropriate hugging”.

– I will tease Simon whenever possible.

– I will tease Sheena whenever possible.

– I will not feel the need to spend a ton of money on a dress/shoes/jewelry/manicure/WHATEVER.

– I will have an amazing time.

wow. sorry that was long, but yea.

Post # 11
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sorry, I’m going to join the crowd and tell you in all honesty that if I received this from a “friend”, I would at first think it was a joke (okay, funny). Once I found out it wasn’t a joke, an immediate “WTF” would go off in my head and I would seriously think twice about being in the wedding.

I haven’t read all 3 parts (sorry, but way too much going on there)… but if you are concerned enough about these 2 BMs that you feel the need to write up a contract that would insult most adults, then why are they even in your BP?? That seems like way too much stress for something so petty. If I received that letter from you I would question our friendship, and maybe even your bridal sanity.

Post # 12
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

… i am just not thinking this is a good idea or going to make things ‘better’ by any means..  I think it could come across as a little paternalistic and condescending

Post # 14
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You solicited the Bee for opinions. Maybe you did this because you thought everyone would think this was cute or reasonable. In any case, the consensus (which I agree with) is that this is a straight up ridiculous idea. Complete nonsense. Really.

In no way am i saying you are a controlling hag, nor is anyone else, but it seems that you are trying to restrain your only friends. Any kind of rules one must abide by is impossible. People are only human. Sometimes we stumble and you are sure as hell not going to enforce me to be happy ALL the time and be there for you ALL the time. And as far as behaving, no, you’re not going to force me to do that either. I’m going to do that on my own accord. Give your friends some credit. If they start eye-rolling or talking smack, ignore it and go about your day. It’s not going to stop based on a contract. They are WOMEN.

If you don’t fuel the fire eventually it will burn out. And if you keep positive and focus on what needs to get done, they will have no time to even mention issues.

Instead of a silly contract, you need to talk to them, in a non-hostile way, about the issues.

This contract is basically just a gigantic highlighter pen on all the drama and it will cause even MORE drama and backfire on you.

Post # 15
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

oh my it seems you are all immature.  Sorry, but if your Bridesmaid or Best Man are fighting between each other tell them to work it out, as adults.  You can say that verbally.  This “oath” thing makes you seem like you’re going back to 8th grade as well.  It’s throwing lighter fluid on the flame.  All of you grow up.

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