(Closed) BIG VENT- A guest invited her friends to my small intimate destination wedding!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow. Socially retarded barely covers this girl’s goof! You are completely within your rights as the bride (or as anyone hosting a party!) to veto them. I think it’s very accomodating of you to say they can be around for the rest of the weekend! I think what you did was perfect. Tell her that you’re sorry, but you cannot accomodate any more people at the wedding. If she pushes, simply tell her that they are not invited and you hope she will still attend. 

I’ve never come across people this unbelievably rude, until I started planning a wedding! Were these people raised in a barn?!? 

Post # 5
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Oh…my…goodness! I seriously cannot believe your friend had the nerve to invite her own friends to your wedding…a destination wedding nonetheless! You were completely right in how you handled the situation. She had no right to invite friend of her own, and you have every right to tell her no way! If she still insists they come and that she’ll pay for their dinner, then explain to her the other additional costs that will arise if they attend (overage fee, bar cost, etc) and tell her that there is absolutely no way that you can allow ANYone else to come. Hopefully she gets the picture. And if she seriously plans on starting a wedding planning business, she needs to start learning her etiquette now because that has to be one of the biggest (and rudest) wedding blunders I’ve ever heard.

Post # 6
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You acted exactly as you should!  Don’t even second guess that.  I can’t believe your friend!  What a moron move!  lol  I don’t know what she was thinking…

Post # 7
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

A few years ago my friend was planning on going to a destination wedding in Jamaica. I mentioned how fun it would be to get away, and she asked me to go too. She at least talked to her friend before I booked my plane ticket but they were very excited to have me, even though I had never met them.  They had a very small wedding but they welcomed me and I was so happy to share in their special day. Depending upon where you are having your wedding, it’s possible that maybe she felt uncomfortable travelling far on her own and felt that it would be more comfortable to have friends with her.  She should have spoken to you first, but I don’t know that she was wrong to want to have friends to travel with especially if she didn’t really know anyone else going to the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

You listed all the reasons why it isn’t that easy to bring extra people, even if someone else is paying for their dinners.  You were in the right.  And you were kind in trying to oblige these people for the other wedding activities you are doing that weekend.  She shouldn’t have thought that she’d be OK to bring them.  (And to think she’s going to be a wedding planner…)

I’m assuming she is trying to make a vacation out of it, and wants to vacation with these friends.  Is she a friend traveling by herself?  She didn’t get any plus one?  Will she know anyone else at the wedding? (And I don’t mean, "well of course she knows my parents".  I mean someone else she can really hang out with.) Again, she wasn’t right in assuming she could bring two extra peole, but it sounds like she is making an attempt to go to your wedding.  (And if she is doing this all solo I can understand why she wants some friends to vacation with.)  If she asks again, or is huffy about it, maybe you can research a great place for the two friends to have dinner that night, take in a show, shop, do something touristy.  Then they all can enjoy their vacation, and can bridge the gap, over the hours your guest will be at the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Two people? Not just a date? Who is this girl? I’d think that being invited to a wedding of 30 people means you’re very close to her and she would understand and respect your decision to have an intimate wedding.

I see what you mean about it being a logistical nightmare. 

However, like the FuturemrsBLT mentioned, it can be nice to be welcoming when things like this happen. I’m trying to remind myself of that right now. I’m having 34 guests at my wedding and just found out that FI’s childhood friend wants to bring some girl. They’re not even dating, they’re in a "band" together and want to write songs while they travel. Grr. 

Post # 11
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Goodness… Well I still say if you can arange or provide alternatives to these "others" who are going to be vacationing but not attending the wedding, it will help.  Then you can call your cousin, or whomever is next, and say, "Hey, I thought your friends might be interested in this activity, or this restaurant, etc.  to do while you’ll be at the wedding.  Some other guest are bringing people, who aren’t attending the wedding, along for vacation too.   I thought they might like to hang out together, while the guests are at the wedding."

That way:

1.  You’ll be following up with people to tell them it’s not OK to bring extras to your wedding, in a delicate way.

2.  Everyone will be less tempted to buck the system and bring their vacay pals, if they have something to do, other than sit in a hotel room all night.

Post # 12
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think I would have been as gracious as you were with your guest.  I guess in the end, it’s a free world and if someone wants to invite their friends to an exotic destination it their business.  THEIR business, not yours.  You should not have to plan anything for people you didn’t invite and don’t know, and your guests should not invite anyone to your wedding.  It’s your wedding and your money,  not theirs.  It was extremely rude for them to even suggest that they attend, and a really bad attempt to salvage the blunder by attempting to pay for the meal.  I hope she stops pushing you and drops it–if they come, they come.  But they should not expect to be part of your wedding day. 

Post # 15
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I had something similar happen at my destination wedding!  One of the guests we invited decided to bring his girlfriend of the week at the last minute and I had to scramble to rearrange everything.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have the option of veto-ing the guest because my Grandmother-in-law preapproved without asking my family – the ones footing the bill.  Needless to say there was tension!

 I completely understand how you feel and you have every right to be upset and veto the guest.  I hope that everything works out for you.  Just remember that at the end of the day, all eyes will be on you and it’s your day to enjoy!

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