(Closed) BIG Vent

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2615 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Normally I’d say that her life doesn’t revolve around this one day, but the fact that you’ve been checking in regularly and she’d been OK with it all until the last minute makes it seriously inconsiderate.

Post # 3
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

If it makes you feel better, my sister is blowing off my wedding for her sons football game. Yeah.. My own sister. I’m pissed. A cousin missing a spa day, I would not be upset over. It sucks, figure a way around it if needed, move on. 

Post # 5
8682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

alyssaC:  I wouldn’t sweat her missing it but I would make it clear to her that since it is past the spas cancellation date that she still owes the $100 for her spa day whether she comes or not. 

Is there anyone else that might be able to come and take her place? Even if they pay 50%?

Post # 6
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

alyssaC:  It sucks but I think it’s pretty common for people who organise events like this to have to wear the costs. It seems to happen pretty frequently that someone flakes out. Not saying I think it’s okay, it’s just that weddings in particular definitely highlight just how inconsiderate some people can be.

If you think it won’t cause too much drama, you could try letting the cousin and aunt know that you expect the money back seeing as the cousin was fully aware of the commitment she made.

Post # 8
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

alyssaC:  I understand where you’re coming from. It’s not the fact that she isn’t going, but because she’s flaking last minute when she confirmed she’d be going all along. I would be really PISSED – I hate it when people bail last minute and would never do that to anyone (unless I was in the ER or something). Anyway, I agree with PP – it’s worth a try to see if anyone else would like to go in her place so you’re not out the $100. 

And yes, Vegas is aweomse! Have fun!!

Post # 9
8682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

alyssaC:  Just accept that that is her personality. Unfortunately it is rare for people to change their personality for someone elses life events especially if they are self centred. In future don’t count on her until she pays upfront.

Post # 10
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Ugh that sucks.  I hate flakiness.  Agree with PPs.  Make it very clear that she is responsible for the money for her place whether she is coming or not. 

Post # 11
5141 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

Pickle7:  I think it’s less about the “wedding” aspect and more about being flaky. It’s rude to say your going to something and then cancel last minute for no good reason, especially if there was a prepayment involved. If I were you, I would make her pay the cancellation fee if you can’t find a replacement. It’s the least that she can do since she flaked out last minute. 

Post # 12
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Pickle7:  Shes 18, so of course she doesnt really care about the spa day and her whole life its the HS drama so of course she has to go see her Boyfriend or Best Friend play football 😛

I would explain to her ( and her mom) that you would really like her there but if she can’t make it they are responsible for the cancellation fees because you did give them PLENTY of time to back out

IF they agree to pay you the cost, just drop it and let it go. And as you said now you know what to expect for next time.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
Post # 13
152 posts
Blushing bee

Pickle7:  I’d tell her mother that you’re expecting the $100 right now because if her daughter is going to be a little flake then she’s going to pay her share… its only fair!  There’s no point in talking to her about it because she’ll just shrug and go off to the football game.

I hate the “she’s 18” excuse… OMG she’s an legal adult and obviously quite immature but still an adult!  I’d let her take off to the game (after ensuring you’ll be paid back of course) and then go on with the rest of your weekend without her.  You know that she’ll be on her phone the entire time anyways and probably cry at one point during the night for whatever reason  – probably because everyone isn’t paying attention to her.  Sorry, but she seems like this type of girl.

I’d do your plan of Vegas and leave her out of it.  When she whines to her mom and then her mom whines to you, calmly and sarcastically remind her of her ‘obilgation’ to this wedding and how she didn’t fulfill it so why would your girls go through the planning of something like this again knowing she’d do it again? 

I’ve been in the bridal party where there was minor and OMFG – the planning of the bachelorette party was a pain in the ass because the minor (14 years old at the time) couldn’t do anything!!! And instead of planning a day plus night type of deal where the minor would participate during the day then go home at night so the adults could go out, the bride kept vetoing those ideas so the bride literally ended up getting a kids day at the go-carting park then whined that she didn’t get drunk at her bachelorette party… I threw up my hands at that point!

Post # 14
890 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

it’s definitely rude of her to  back out this late in the game, and i think it’s absolutely justified of you to tell her (or her mom) that you still need the $100 for her backing out. however i think it’s also a good time to realize that as one of the hosts, there’s always the chance you’ll have to eat some of the cost. it happens, rude or not, and it is part of being a host. 

i will say though, in your cousin’s “defense,” that while she is technically an adult i would cut her a little slack and here’s why:

-she’s 18 and in high school. presumably, this is her senior year. it is a big deal to you that she’s cancelling, but senior year homecoming with a quarterback boyfriend is a big deal to her. even if her delivery of the cancellation was rude, try to remember that for her this is her last homecoming, her last football game, etc. as an adult we probably don’t care about our senior homecomings anymore, but to her, these are big moments with friends that she’s probably way closer to than her cousin and cousin’s friends (who are also probably all way older than she is).

-it’s entirely possible that she agreed to everything before realizing the dates were the same/a conflict; her being good with all of it could have been genuine up until she realized the scheduling issue. at that point isn’t it possible that she just didn’t know how to back out gracefully? i mean she’s 18 but age isn’t automatically a qualifier for maturity you know.

-her mom trying to cancel behind your back is uncalled for; that one isn’t okay and i totally understand why that would piss you off.

i don’t necessarilly think her mom should be punishing her; my parents wouldn’t have punished me for this. like i’m sorry i wouldn’t have been grounded or whatever for backing out of my cousin’s spa day. i would have been told that it’s my decision to make, but that i need to understand the consequences if i do back out (i.e., that i was being rude and would still need to pay the $100, which i’m sure i’d have to come up with on my own). 

Post # 15
7339 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

She’s 18 so of course she is flaky and more interested in her boyfriend’s activities than hanging around with her cousin.  That describes probably 90% of 18-year-old girls out there in the world. Tell her you’ll miss her company and remind her that since she waited till after the cut-off, she’s stuck paying the deposit, and just keep a mental note to not make plans involving money with people who are generally flaky in the future.  

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