(Closed) Big vs. Small Wedding

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 16
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

How about courthouse wedding with just your respective parents (or parents and siblings), then a larger reception at a time and place convenient for you? Heck, we skipped the ceremony altogether and did a self-uniting marriage (in PA, you get the paperwork, have 2 witnesses sign it within 60 days, and you’re considered married). For a reception, we rented out a room at a restaurant for 60 people. The only traditional elements we had were some impromptu speeches from guests.

Post # 17
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee

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alltheusernamesaretaken:  Agree to disagree I suppose. I still don’t understand the whole concept and why one is okay but the other causes you to basically have a breakdown.

I just answered your question as to why people consider this to be rude. You continue to try and justify why you (and your family/friends) don’t consider it to be rude. You do you! But just because nobody has said anything to you, doesn’t mean they aren’t insulted. Keep that in mind.

My argument has less to do with traditions and more to do with treating your family and friends properly. But I’ve said a few times now – OP should do what makes her and her husband-to-be happy.

Post # 18
Member
7681 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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ellep91010:  I was very shy, and like you also would have preferred a smaller wedding and I come from a large family, and people would have been very hurt and offended if we hadn’t invited them, all, so we did end up having what I consider having a big wedding (125-150 people.)   While walking down the aisle, I took my dad’s arm, and, I completely focused on walking down the aisle, locking eyes my husband.  During the ceremony, My focus was completely in the present, during the ceremony. and only the two witnesses and officiant we had with us at the front of the church.  I never looked out at anyone walking up or down the aisle.   With doing that, I never got nervous and everyone got to enjoy our ceremony.  That’s what worked for me.  I don’t have any regrets.

Post # 20
Member
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Like PP have said – I am not sure the point in an intimate ceremony with a larger reception. I suffer from anxiety, etc. for most of my lifetime, but honestly the reason we decided on a 50 guest wedding was because it fit us more as a couple. We wanted to be surrounded by those who supported and new us as a couple – not just for appearance sake. We invited 50 – immediate family, aunts/uncles, and close friends. No children except for Flower Girl. 

Our wedding was extremely traditional – minus bouquet and garter toss. No one said a small wedding and reception couldn’t have all the bells and whistles of a larger one. Looking back – it was perfect for us. 

Post # 21
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

Prior to the evolution of the middle class, marriage ceremonies were considered intimate, private affairs held in the bride or groom’s family home. No receptions, no nothing. It wasn’t until the upper class started hosting a few activites after the intimate, private ceremonies in the early 1800’s that wedding receptions started to evolve. It’s only in modern day North America that receptions are considered a hospitable thank you.

In terms of offensive or rude, it really depends on the size of the family and the situation. My Darling Husband and I wanted to have a small ceremony and dinner after – no reception. To us, the ceremony should be private and intimate and we wanted to focus on being the genuine, authentic versions of ourselves, something that we know wouldn’t have happened with 100+ people in the crowd. Together we have 12 aunts/uncles who are all married and all have children who are now grown up, half of them have kids. Darling Husband is extremely close to the bazillion cousins that he has and their families so we couldn’t invite aunts/uncles without them. Our list was either 20 or 150 – there was no inbetween and it seems like your list is somewhat similar. Based on previous family actions, regardless of whether we wanted a reception or not, DH’s family was going to host one for us. So we didn’t have much of a choice as to hosting one after our private, intimate ceremony. Darling Husband had a panic attack before we arrived at the reception and my introverted self sucked it up for the evening. Our families were so delighted and overjoyed (they’ve compared our wedding reception to wedding ceremonies + receptions, favouring ours) that we threw one so for that I’m extremely happy. Our ceremony though was the most amazing thing ever and our immediate family members (even a few people who opposed that idea) actually saw the meaning behind why we wanted it small.

At the end of the day though, it’s your wedding and you and your Fiance should do what you guys feel is right in your hearts. 

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