Post # 16
How about courthouse wedding with just your respective parents (or parents and siblings), then a larger reception at a time and place convenient for you? Heck, we skipped the ceremony altogether and did a self-uniting marriage (in PA, you get the paperwork, have 2 witnesses sign it within 60 days, and you’re considered married). For a reception, we rented out a room at a restaurant for 60 people. The only traditional elements we had were some impromptu speeches from guests.
Post # 17
Agree to disagree I suppose. I still don’t understand the whole concept and why one is okay but the other causes you to basically have a breakdown.
I just answered your question as to why people consider this to be rude. You continue to try and justify why you (and your family/friends) don’t consider it to be rude. You do you! But just because nobody has said anything to you, doesn’t mean they aren’t insulted. Keep that in mind.
My argument has less to do with traditions and more to do with treating your family and friends properly. But I’ve said a few times now – OP should do what makes her and her husband-to-be happy.
Post # 18
I was very shy, and like you also would have preferred a smaller wedding and I come from a large family, and people would have been very hurt and offended if we hadn’t invited them, all, so we did end up having what I consider having a big wedding (125-150 people.) While walking down the aisle, I took my dad’s arm, and, I completely focused on walking down the aisle, locking eyes my husband. During the ceremony, My focus was completely in the present, during the ceremony. and only the two witnesses and officiant we had with us at the front of the church. I never looked out at anyone walking up or down the aisle. With doing that, I never got nervous and everyone got to enjoy our ceremony. That’s what worked for me. I don’t have any regrets.
Post # 19
Thanks for the opinions everyone! There are certain points I definitely agree with. I feel like if we were to have a big wedding with everyone there (around 200) I would be able to just focus on my husband and not let all the eyes looking at me freak me out too much. Hopefully. But I do also agree that the ceremony should not be this grand, theatrical production. It’s not a show, and I’m not trying to prove to those 200 people how much we love each other by how grand of a production the wedding is.
And for what it’s worth, it won’t be a formal event. It’s going to be a ceremony around 11 am with a brunch reception after (like 12 to 4 probably). So no dancing, no garter/bouquet toss, definitely no toasts, so ya I’m pretty much planning on laying low for the reception. I don’t have a problem walking around saying hi to everyone, thanking them for coming and stuff but on a smaller scale, where the attention won’t simultaneously be on me dancing, tossing the bouquet, etc. and people will be floating around and mingling with one another instead of watching my every move.
But I also realize that since the whole day will only last from 11 to 4 I can suck it up since I’ll be thinking in the back of my head that it’ll all be over soon. Just get through the day and have the rest of the evening/night to unwind. At this point it depends on how much money we have to work with. I’d rather not stretch $5,000 to cover a 200 person wedding and having to cut corners. We’ve been considering taking out a loan to cover what us and both of our parent’s cant, depending on how much his parents can contribute, but we’d rather not go into debt.
Post # 20
Like PP have said – I am not sure the point in an intimate ceremony with a larger reception. I suffer from anxiety, etc. for most of my lifetime, but honestly the reason we decided on a 50 guest wedding was because it fit us more as a couple. We wanted to be surrounded by those who supported and new us as a couple – not just for appearance sake. We invited 50 – immediate family, aunts/uncles, and close friends. No children except for Flower Girl.
Our wedding was extremely traditional – minus bouquet and garter toss. No one said a small wedding and reception couldn’t have all the bells and whistles of a larger one. Looking back – it was perfect for us.
Post # 21
Prior to the evolution of the middle class, marriage ceremonies were considered intimate, private affairs held in the bride or groom’s family home. No receptions, no nothing. It wasn’t until the upper class started hosting a few activites after the intimate, private ceremonies in the early 1800’s that wedding receptions started to evolve. It’s only in modern day North America that receptions are considered a hospitable thank you.
In terms of offensive or rude, it really depends on the size of the family and the situation. My Darling Husband and I wanted to have a small ceremony and dinner after – no reception. To us, the ceremony should be private and intimate and we wanted to focus on being the genuine, authentic versions of ourselves, something that we know wouldn’t have happened with 100+ people in the crowd. Together we have 12 aunts/uncles who are all married and all have children who are now grown up, half of them have kids. Darling Husband is extremely close to the bazillion cousins that he has and their families so we couldn’t invite aunts/uncles without them. Our list was either 20 or 150 – there was no inbetween and it seems like your list is somewhat similar. Based on previous family actions, regardless of whether we wanted a reception or not, DH’s family was going to host one for us. So we didn’t have much of a choice as to hosting one after our private, intimate ceremony. Darling Husband had a panic attack before we arrived at the reception and my introverted self sucked it up for the evening. Our families were so delighted and overjoyed (they’ve compared our wedding reception to wedding ceremonies + receptions, favouring ours) that we threw one so for that I’m extremely happy. Our ceremony though was the most amazing thing ever and our immediate family members (even a few people who opposed that idea) actually saw the meaning behind why we wanted it small.
At the end of the day though, it’s your wedding and you and your Fiance should do what you guys feel is right in your hearts.