(Closed) Big wedding, small wedding, elopement? (so so long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I just wanted to say that I don’t blame you at all for not being sure of what to do.  I was pretty unsure myself for a long time.  Until it seemed like if we didn’t elope, we’d never get married.  I didn’t want to wait until 2020 to get married which is when I often joked we’d get married when we first got engaged.  Both of our familes are pretty large and we both have a good deal of friends that we’d love to include.  Just with family and best friends our count would be around 120.  We wanted to have a wedding that we’d be proud to have and not just something that we threw together so that we could have a wedding.  There’s so much going on in our lives that planning a wedding seemed like a nightmare and we both acknowledged that I’d be doing most to all of the work.  We decided to elope.  Although, I’ll be honest, one of the things that gave me the peace of mind to do that was my mother’s and grandmother’s blessing.  Also, my father passed away a few years ago and that has made a big difference in how I view my wedding day.  I completely understand how you feel about not wanting to give up that experience with your father.  Had he still been alive, I’m not sure I would have been willing to elope.  It’s a tough decision.  Ultimately, you’ll need to do what works best for you and your fiance.  Good luck!  🙂

Post # 4
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time! Congrats on getting engaged! I know how you feel, I felt like I changed my mind every other day.  Our families live in 2 different states and we moved about 14 hrs from both sides, so the logistics alone were driving me nuts! I felt that I couldn’t enjoy being engaged because I was too afraid of hurting people’s feelings and trying to make my wedding “fair” for everyone. We are very low key and it seemed as if everyone was pressuring me to have a wedding.  Also the types of weddings I am used to are extravagant affairs, so it would have taken us 2 yrs or so to save and plan.  I just want to marry my best friend and start our lives together.  I decided that we needed to do what would make us happy, so we are eloping! We found a nice inn that has an elopement package.  We’re getting married on the beach and I’m super excited! Try not to stress 🙂

Post # 5
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can I offer a perpective as a mother of teenagers? One of the great joys in life I am looking forward to is my children’s weddings. Your father walking you down the aisle may not mean much to you… but it means a lot to him, and your mother.

As for nieces and nephews… not so much. I love them, but realistically, their wedding will be nice times for catching up with family, not much more. Do I want to go their weddings? Yes. Do I care if I miss them? A bit, but not too much. Obviously not everyone is the same, and I’m not Mexican, but that is how I see it.

What I am saying is I strongly encourage the “small wedding” route, if you are paying. Only invite the people who it is really special for: your parents, siblings, probably grandparents, maybe a couple of close friends. I really don’t see how that could come to 12k to be honest (food for 20-25 people shouldn’t go much past 2-3k, dress can be under 1000, I think you need to find a cheaper photographer!), but even if it does, you’ve saved 14k.

Post # 6
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you’re not enjoying your elopement then something is amiss!  I think most people have that what if syndrome, not quite sure what they want and wondering which part they will regret.  I have been there, done that.

I was quite indecisive as well, except I had a family that really did not care to be there.  I wanted them there, but I was not going to go through with the planning and $$$ for people that felt obligated to go (by go, I mean fly out and get cars/hotels).

My dad promoted elopement as well (not that he had any financial obligations either).  Said weddings were a PITA for all involved.

We are now eloping.  I have not heard any disappointment from anyone, but all families are different!

How about you sit on one idea, plan some stuff for it (not booking, just research) then see how it feels after a couple weeks.  Not good?  Go on to the next idea…

 

Also, come up with the three top things that you two want.  The three priorities will keep you grounded and you can ask yourself, “Is it part of our priorities?” should you get stuck.

Ours are 1) intimate which can be 2 or 75 people, just the close people; 2) gorgeous scenery, 3) special to us.  We fudged a little on the last since we are eloping somewhere we’ve never been.

Try to refrain from sharing every detail with family.  I did this and every time they were on the phone with me we had a new idea.  It just looked bad!

 

Post # 7
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Elope just the two of you and come back and throw a huge party including all of the friends and family.  A party as opposed to a wedding should be much cheaper and definitely easier to include a large number of people.  You could still do a father-daughter dance at the party so the only thing you would miss out on is having him walk you down the aisle.

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