Bigger wedding after civil ceremony? (Sorry, kinda long)

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Have a wedding honey. Don’t worry about what other people think, honestly because no one is in your shoes or feels what you feel. Call it a wedding reception. In my culture/religion sometimes people have the civil/religious ceremony and wait a year or two and then have the actual wedding because sometimes the timing/money issue doesn’t allow them to get married right away with the big wedding but they are at least able to enjoy being together and being husband and wife. If your heart is wanting to have the party the white dress and the cake go for it and forget the snarky comments :). 

Post # 4
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I don’t think it’s rude at all!! Personally, I know lots of people who decided to have a civil ceremony first, then big wedding later. Lots of people also renew their vows every year. There’s no limit on what you “get” or “deserve” in the wedding world, because it’s about celebrating your love, not material things.

I think, given the circumstances in your family and your sister, that you have every right to plan a nice ceremony. If people want to think badly of you for whatever reason, then they can do so, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing what you want to do personally or what’s right for you, your Darling Husband, and your family.

Post # 5
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’d just call it the “Official Wedding Ceremony.” If you’re really concerned I guess you could call it a “vow renewal.” Maybe talk with your family and see how they feel about it? My friends and family won’t care because we’ve been together longer than most married couples and I could care less how people I don’t know feel about me having a JOP and actual big wedding. People also rarely sign the marriage certificate and have the ceremony on the same date. There are people who can’t get married because of their gender in certain states. There are people who have common law marriages recognized in other states also just for meeting certain criteria.

Personally, I’m not a stick-in-the-mud and could care less about all the ettiquette involved with stuffy weddings. Don’t take what close-minded people say seriously. They’re usually just prejudice against anything that’s different. That’s the reason I took a step away from the wedding scene for a while. I just didn’t want to deal with those downers while planning something happy.

A lot of people might call bees enablers and other names but a lot of ladies (and gentlemen) here will give you the support with whatever you think is right for you. Everyone is different so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Post # 6
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is exactly what we’re doing and what a HUGE number of miltary couples do. Let me ask you, did the other site you posted on have military brides? Cause if so I’m shocked at the response. Both of our families totally understand why we are having a little civil ceremony this May and a big wedding next May. We are not asking for 2 parties, 2 set of gifts, we’re not registering either etc. It is just because it is so much easier to PCS when married, and Fiance could be deployed at anytime. If people don’t understand that, then they’re not worth your time. Have a wedding, don’t feel bad about it. Military families have a totally different set of circumstances that should not have to be  justified to anyone!

Post # 7
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Never go to that other site again, if they are going to be so judgemental!!!  We are doing about the same thing, sometimes life isn’t perfect and it throws you curveballs, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow your dream!! Everyone deserves the wedding they want :3  And I think its great that you want to celebrate the wedding and give that experience to the people who couldn’t be there the first time!

Post # 8
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

@Steampunk Angel:  I couldn’t agree more! stay away from that site it sounds toxic.

I know plenty of military families who do exactly what you are discribing. We got married recently just us and a few close friends at the court house and we are going to have a larger wedding in the summer with all of our friends and family I see nothing wrong with it. I personally am being very careful to word the invitations in a way to let people know that we have allready been married but are doing this so that our friends and family can join in becuase we want thier blessing and support. Most of my family has been completely understanding but I would be sure to talk to them about it first. Even some of my very traditional older aunts and grandmothers seemed to understand, which was suprising.

Do whatever makes you happy and surround yourself with people that love you. That is what a wedding is supposed to be all about afterall.

Post # 9
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

 I know so many, if not ALL married military couples that do this. So many of them have a civil ceremony first and then after, have a decked out wedding! I’d say do it! Have everyone you want there, have everything you there! ENJOY yourself and forget everyone else and the other insensitive site

Post # 10
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Mocha_Latte:  Many do, but a lot don’t. Please don’t suggest that this is something everyone in the military does.

Nothing wrong with the OP’s plan though, as long as everyone calls it what it is and is aware that they’re actually married at the vow renewal.

Post # 11
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@thursdayschild:  I am having a civil ceremony and a year later a big wedding. I am not putting “vow renewal” on my invites. Those who need to know we’re already married will already know, but everything about the church wedding will appear just as any other church wedding would.

Post # 12
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@AirForceWife78:  See, to me that’s a lie by omission. Your wedding was the day you were married. No one said your vow renewal it can’t look exactly like a big traditional wedding. I just don’t like the idea of deceit surrounding such a happy event I guess. If you’re ok with lying to your guests that’s your prerogative. To each their own.

Post # 13
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If you want to have a big wedding after a civil ceremony go for it! It’s inevitable that someone will have a sour reaction-there’s just no avoiding that. But I would be honest with your guests about it becuase I could see how some people could feel deceived. “Vow renewal” would probably be the most appropraite term. IMO I personally don’t care what people choose to do with their wedding. I’m eloping so I have little room to judge anyone’s choice! 

Post # 14
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think what most people have trouble with is when someone gets married, then doesn’t tell anyone about it, then gets “married” again with all the bells & whistles but lies to everyone.

I think if you’re going to have a recommitment ceremony, or vow renewal, or marriage blessing, that’s completely ok.  As long as your families are aware (whatever your reasons, they are good enough to have warranted getting married-I’m sure they would understand) and you aren’t intentionally misleading, then you can have your day & celebrate with everyone you love.

Post # 15
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ntyre:  Stay away from that other site and stick to Weddingbee 😀 LOL. I think we are friendlier over here!

I really think you should have your wedding the way you want to, and not pay attention to what everybody else thinks of how you guys made this choice!

As one pp said, you can put an “Official Wedding Invitation” on the invites or some of that sorts.

Have that spectacular, special day and have it your way 😀 After all, alot of people are doing it this way and we are one of them! So don’t mind all those haters.

Hope you will find some relief in the responses here instead of that other site!

Post # 16
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@thursdayschild:  There isn’t going to be “deceit”. Sheesh. I’m not hiding it, I’m sure word will travel around FI’s huge family when we marry this May, but I’m not going to put “vow renewal” on my invites. I’m not asking for gifts since we’re not having a registry, I don’t want a shower, I don’t want a B-party, soooooo what’s the big deal?

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