(Closed) Biggest decision of my/anyone's life….. Advice, PLEASE!

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Have you ever been to South Africa ?

I haven’t but I have a few friends from there who are now Canadians… and as much as they like to go home to see family (and the incredible scenery) they have said they WOULD NEVER live there again.

South Africa isn’t North America by any stretch of the imagination.

It is still a country in transition with a lot of social problems.

Not sure I’d want to raise kids there based on what my buds have told me about the country.


Post # 4
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t know but this sounds like a really really wonderful opportunity. It would be hard for me as well to leave my family and friends, but it would also be hard to turn down such an opportunity. And to compare that to living in a condo in vegas? Honey vegas is nowhere to raise children lol.

Also, nothing is ever permanent. What would be wrong with giving this a shot? If it’s really not for you, l and things don’t work out well, then you will figure out how to work with that. But for now all you can do is make the best decision for you and your family in this moment, and let it unfold! 

Post # 5
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@nonapkns:  I’ve been to South Africa, my uncle lives there with two young children and they love the place. It is an incredibly amazing country. His wife is from South Africa so she has family there, it sounds like you would be in a similar situation with your husbands family.

From reading through your post it sounds like a no brainer – you would have opportunities in South Africa that you never would have had in the US.

Change is scary, and that’s a huge change to adjust to, but I think it’s something you would probably regret and always wonder ‘what if’ if you didn’t at least give it a go.

Could you commit to a certain amount of time there, say 5 years, and if you’re really not happy there after that time you could move to the US anyway and live in the apartment in vegas and start over?

South Africa is a relatively safe place now, of course there are still issues as there are in any country, but on the whole it’s a very different place to what it was years ago.

I feel like if you had no family or no connections in South Africa it would be a different story but i think you should go for it!!!

Of course your heart is probably freaking out but thats normal when you make likfe changing decisions, embrace it and make the most of it!!

Post # 6
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

go to south africa!! worst case scenario? you come back to the US

Post # 7
4691 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Go to SA as long as you live in one of those gated communities. Isn’t it super dangerous?!

Post # 8
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Nothing has to be permanent :). You can always come back to the US if you decide it is a better fit for your family. why not do it? It could be an incredible experience.

Post # 11
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Seems like a no brainer to me- move to South Africa. Logically it seems to make sense and you have obviously given it a lot of thought and planning, which is great. Perhaps the freakout you have each time is just because it will be a big change (which is always scary) and not because it is the wrong decision.

PS I’ve also been some time traveling around South Africa, felt comfortable, and could see myself living there. But I’m also biased because although I love partying in Vegas I ould never not ever want to live there. Whatever you decide, best of luck!!!

Post # 12
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That sounds like an AMAZING experience! I would definitely try it out for a few years!

Post # 13
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ahhh sounds wonderful to me… how I’d love to live somewhere that isn’t cold haha. I have a couple friends from South Africa and by all reports it’s got its issues like everywhere but is generally great if you’ve got common sense and you’re not wound too tight.

Post # 14
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

I think it sounds like an amazing opportunity but make sure he is really on board with the 4 years…that gives you time to decide on schooling and such but it makes a lot of sense for now.  Just know that he will be vested into that business, so I would consider discussing the “what ifs” to make sure he would be willing to give up that dream later on if you really weren’t happy.

Post # 15
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@nonapkns:  Heck yes!

What a cool opportunity! At the very least it will buy you the time and resources to start a family in the immediate future, and if you don’t like it, the worst that would happen is that you would return home to the states.

Plus, your kids would have beautiful south african accents & that would be nifty 😛


Post # 16
1450 posts
Bumble bee

I would definitely take all those perks/opportunities and move to SA!  It sounds like you’ll be in the richer neighborhood and if it’s a popular tourist spot, you should be relatively safe — it’s no more dangerous than living in the metro areas in the US (where crimes are high).  These are some desperate times in the US with the horrible job market and people desperately clinging on to whatever menial job they can get.  I would move to SA and try it out for a few years, have children & raise them until they are of school age, build up my nest egg, and when the economy gets better in the US, then consider moving back to the States.

In this current economic crisis, even after 8 mo your Darling Husband might still not be able to get a job in the US.  My Fiance went to an prestigous ivy league school and even with his credentials, he’s having a really hard time finding a job because the economy is so bad.  If your Darling Husband has a guaranteed way to make a good income in SA, than by all means, I would move anywhere to support him and his career.  Because if you move to Vegas, YOU will have to be the breadwinner and it’s HARD having that responsibility on your shoulders, and your Darling Husband more than likely will be depressed because he’s just sitting at home — it’ll put a strain on your relationship with all these stressors.  Not to mention, you might have to put off having kids until your Darling Husband can find a job to help bring in income and that’s something to seriously think about since you’re in your early 30s.

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