Post # 16
jayquellen : I saw that thread! I completely agree with you. It was derailed, and I feel bad for the bee who posted. It wasn’t the advice she was seeking, and that thread did seem harsh and condescending.
Tbh, I think a little of my own personal struggle with a family member who insists “age doesn’t matter at all,” rubbed off in my post.
Post # 17
j9marie : Acceptance is so big. My man has to accept I’m a nutella addict and that I won’t change that (actually, he just joined me in it haha). I have to accept that despite hating peanut butter (I know I’m weird) he is still going to eat it, and still going to try and kiss me afterward. And that’s okay.
loz24 : You make so many good points! RESPECT, trust, compromise… yes, yes, yes. Admitting you were wrong is huge, and I have been there with the tired fighting. That’s when you come back to it the next day and figure out what the true problem was and how to resolve it.
knotyet : I’m glad you did! I have someone to back me up that I’m not making things up here lol. Yeah I’ve met some of those “age doesn’t matter people”. Actually, I probably was one in high school. Age is totally a factor, but one of many, as I say. There’s completely legitimate concerns behind it, but sometimes it goes too far. It seems like a lot of people are just putting all the young couples down and discouraging them. 🙁
Post # 18
– both agree what the meaning of life is (to be happy, to be rich, to be holy, to serve an other, what ever thing you think it is, you agree)
– both have respect for the other in they must both consider they “marry up” like what the other thread on here said. Not marry up like in money but in overall personal characteristic. The other is a “real catch.”
-both are promise keeping. What ever it is, but including the vows, to marriage forever and in good times and bad times. To not keep their word is hateful to them.
Post # 19
1. The Secret to Love Is Just Kindness
“Being mean is the death knell of relationships. Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together. Research independent from theirs has shown that kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage.”
“Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated—feel loved.”
2. Conflict Management Skills
Fighting fair (otherwise you’ll be mean/evil, and kill kindness).
3. Needs vs. Wants (Discern & Respect)
Treating your partner’s needs as wants (diminishing/ignoring them) leads to disaster.
Post # 20
mrsnyctola : Marrying up in character is a new phrase that I’ve heard, but I like it 🙂 It’s true that people who marry because they feel like they’re running out of time for kids, etc., and not for the quality of partner tend to divorce much more (from my observations).
southerncharm : I never thought about it, but kindness is quite a necessity! You have to be kind/nice to your partner, otherwise you’ll start breeding resentment. Fighting fair is a good point too. I know some couples who don’t fight well and it just hurts a lot of feelings and doesn’t resolve the problems.