(Closed) Biggest scare of my life

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t have any advice, unfortunately, but holy crap, how can they possibly think they’d get away with blaming it on your daughter?! 

How old is she? What grade is she in? My story is not even remotely scary, but it does involve the school’s approach to certain things. My fiancé’s son is five and just started kindergarten a month ago. He and his ex wife both pay electronically to the school for the kid’s lunches. Well, for the entire week, his account was showing zero money, so he couldn’t pay for lunch. They ended up giving him free lunch, but never once mentioned it to any of us. Today, when the teacher finally brought it up (in her defense, she didn’t know what was happening because she doesn’t handle the money for lunches and was only told today) to ask if it was all sorted, my fiancé had no clue what she was talking about. The school’s defense? “Well, we told your son.” The kid is five. No note, no call home, no email, nothing. Just trust a kid to remember to explain the faulty nature of an electronic payment system? Right.

Anyway, I am SO sorry about your daughter! I know that my post doesn’t count for much as I’m not a mom, exactly, but for what it’s worth, I absolutely would not trust that school. Sure, I’d trust her education to them, but I wouldn’t take any chances with things outside of that. They need to understand that they can’t blame the student. What if it happens again with another kid, but it doesn’t end well? Then will they say, “You know, we should do this differently.” 

Post # 4
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

I would be LIVID. I’d be calling the local news, the school board, the police….

I’d be making a huge media fuss, especially after they blamed your child!

Post # 5
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@MsPanda:  I can’t say much without knowing more details including her age and WHO picked her up? This to me is very important.

If she is 8 and just ran off with her friend at home time and the friend’s mum picked her up, how was the school to stop her? At 8 you are old enough to know that this would freak your mother out! But if she is 5 and someone picked her up, that is scary. That being said, was it your SO who picked her up? In that case I don’t think you can blame the school…

Also, I don’t have a concept of American schools but in Australia the school is certainly not in charge of looking after who picks you up. Kids go every which-way at home time and many get picked up at the pick up zone (or elsewhere). Does every child get ticked off as they leave at her school or something?

 

ETA: I am really sorry that you had such a scare. I can’t even image how terrified you must have been!

Post # 8
Member
10571 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

What do you mean by someone picked up your daughter?  If it happened while she still should have been in school, then yeah, the school screwed up.

If it was at the end of the day though, how does the school prevent that?  Here, some kids walk home and if a kid doesn’t get on a bus, then they have missed their bus.

You explained while I was typing Smile

Post # 9
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@MsPanda:  Given the new information I would definitely be livid!!! 

You do need to go down and talk to them but I’m not sure how you are ever going to be able to trust them again.

 

Post # 11
Member
10571 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@MsPanda:  I’m not a mom, but when I’m emotional about something I find it’s best if I can write down the points I want to discuss.

I wouldn’t be switching schools right away.  They may have asked her if it was her grandpa, she said yes, and they thought it was ok.  There are some parents who get annoyed if their plans get messed up because the school was being too strict with their policies.

Hopefully, after you talk with them, they will know that she is to be on that bus unless you have spoken to them beforehand, and they are not to bend that rule with your daughter.

Post # 13
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

@MsPanda:  

 

I am so sorry that this happened to you and your daughter; it must have been terrifying!

Two things that pop into my mind:

1) While I understand that there are dozens of children that her teacher is responsible for, how could she not be aware of the fact that your daughter is supposed to get on the bus?; and

2) What the heck is her grandfather doing messing about like that? Whoever’s father he is needs to sit him down pronto and informing him that his behaviour is unacceptable.  No prior permission, no picking up your daughter, no exceptions.

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
10571 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@MsPanda:  Oh, when you said that I thought you meant they didn’t know him, as in he wasn’t on a contact list or anything like that.  Not that they had no idea how your daughter was related to the person who picked her up!  That is a bit more of a concern.

I think you have the right to be upset, that probably won’t help when meeting with people though.  Try to be a little forgiving, while still getting your concerns across.  For sure mention how panicked you were when your daughter wasn’t on the bus though!  It will be an easier decision if this is the right school if you’re calm during the meeting.  Hopefully that helps a little.

*hugs*

Post # 16
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

@MsPanda:  

 

While I agree that being civil is important, you are entrusting these people with the safety of your child; I probably would have lost my cool too. 

We all have stories of ‘misadventures’ when it comes to our children, and nobody’s perfect, but trust your gut.  My kids are 22 and 20 now, and completely (okay, mostly) independent but I’d much rather be safe rather than sorry.   Losing track of a 5 year old is not acceptable.

Hang in there…. you’re doing the right thing!

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