(Closed) BIL and His Wife- Still Cause Tension between SO and I

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I?
    Suck it up and hang out with she and BIL for the sake of husband. : (17 votes)
    32 %
    Force husband to hang out with them without me. : (11 votes)
    21 %
    Remind husband of how much he supported me before, and that he is just going back on his word. : (23 votes)
    43 %
    Other... : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4311 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @nantes14:  I could have written this about me and my husband’s sister.  I hate her.  I know that sounds harsh, but I could spend all day telling you  the sh*t she has done to me, including physically assaulting me.

    You are allowed to set boundaries for yourself.  If this woman is not healthy to have in your life, don’t go around her!! 

    Like this Sunday my Mother-In-Law is having a Super Bowl party.  Of course I am not going because SIL will be there.  Like you, I feel like I cannot be myself, and I am 100% uncomfortable around her.  Why should I have to put myself through that?  I don’t.

    And you do not either.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4375 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Have you suggested to your husband that he and his brother schedule a guy’s night every so often? It gives him a chance to see his brother with no obligation for the wives to hang out. They could hit a bar or play pool or do whatever they like to do together.

     

    @deetroitwhat:  Physically assualting you? Crazy!

    Post # 5
    Member
    9181 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    @deetroitwhat:  sounds like my sister. She stills flips the fuck out and hits me occasionally.  she’s 28 and I’m 30, and it blows my mind that someone could *still* be doing that at her age. She is literally the only person in the world that I don’t get along with (although most of the time it’s ok), so I just have to limit my time with her :/

    @nantes14:  I agree, have the twins go do a boys’ night! 

    Post # 6
    Member
    7647 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @LadyBear:  This.

    I don’t think you should let it go if she has said/done hurtful things. I patched things up with my SIL, but I still cringe when I have to spend time with her, which luckily isn’t often, but when it is I still get anxious and don’t want to go. I do suck it up because it is only one day out of every 6 months. In your case, being you live so close, I would keep my distance if she treats you like garbage.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4311 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @LadyBear:  Yes.  She threw a loaded metal water bottle at my face, luckily it only hit my shoulder (my shoulder hurt for days) & then threatened to go get her gun.  We left the house.  She’s effing looney tunes man.  She got an A&B charge against her last October for beating the sh&t out of her husband’s sister.  Let’s just say she doesn’t play nice with others.

    @lolot:  His sister is going to be 34.  She’s nuts.  I really don’t have any excuses for her.

    @megz06:  Good point.  Holidays are like the only time I will suck it up.  And then I just get wasted.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4311 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @nantes14:  I 100% agree with you.  He needs to be supportive of that.

    I haven’t seen the girl but one time in like 3 months, and I’m still recovering lol.  Like you, I feel all around much better when we do not have contact.  I had to block her number and change my email because she was sending me nasty notes.  You don’t want it to come to that for ya’ll!

    Post # 15
    Member
    4311 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @nantes14:  To be honest, it’s becoming a real sore spot in our marriage.  She text me and him all kinds of rude comments about me.  He doesn’t stand up to her, and gives me a hard time about seeing his family.  I just think he accepts her this way… she hauls off and hits everyone.  She’s tried to stab my husband in the past (I lived out of the state at the time) and pulled a gun on her husband.  They’ve been in jail for domestic before.  The most recent incident, my husband was there and just literally stood there.  Over Christmas, he kept convincing me to try and talk to her.  I was really pissed.

    I know they still talk.  And when he does talk to her, he doesn’t do it around me.  He said I was making it a bigger deal than it was.  Their whole family protects her lunatic ass.  I told his mom his sister was lucky I did not press charges against her, too.

    So the other morning (I am really sick right now) my husband stayed home from work because he got the cold first.  Well I woke up, and I rolled over and saw his phone on the dresser, and I picked it up and made sure that he had text to tell work he wasn’t going to be in (he sometimes forgets).  Anyways, he has an iPhone, and the most recent text before that was with his sister.  I shouldn’t have looked — I know he wouldn’t care, but I did.  And she text & was like “You guys aren’t afraid of going to the Super Bowl party because I am going to be there are you?  Cuz I have other plans.”

    First of all fuck you.  Second of all, my husband text back and said “No, we’re just not going.”

    Which is a lie.  I flat out told him the only way I would go is if she did not go.  He has not mentioned it to me or anything.  So he lied to her, hasn’t said anything to me about it, and I guess we’re not going (not that I care).

    Of course I am pissed.  But I didn’t even bring it up to him because the last time I did, he yelled at me and said “I’m done talking about it.”

    I don’t know… if that were me, I would tell my brother off.  I would seriously lose my mind.

    Post # 16
    Member
    4311 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    And OP, the thing is I feel like the crazy one.  I feel like the asshole coming in between the family… he won’t go over there a whole lot without me.  But the thing is, that’s not my fault.  Even though sometimes I feel like that, I know at the end of the day it isn’t.  It’s just not a good idea for me mentally to be around her.  Because one day I will snap and end up hitting her back.  Just not worth the stress.  So I am totally on your side about this one!

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