(Closed) BIL and His Wife- Still Cause Tension between SO and I

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I?

    Suck it up and hang out with she and BIL for the sake of husband.

    Force husband to hang out with them without me.

    Remind husband of how much he supported me before, and that he is just going back on his word.

    Other...

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @deetroitwhat:  Okay, now I’m dying to know.  Did she show up for the Super Bowl?

    Post # 33
    Member
    3338 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @MrsJX3:  no haha. She lied too she didn’t even have plans. We had a pleasant evening with all the other siblings 🙂 I know it’s only a matter of time before shit hits the fan with her. If she’s smart she’ll leave it alone. My husband generally is a peacekeeper and once you tick him off, good luck!

    Post # 34
    Member
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    That’s what it seems like!!  She sounds just so intense and crazy!!  I don’t envy you one bit.  

    Post # 35
    Member
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @nantes14:  If you ever figure out an answer let me know! I’m not married yet, so I don’t have a SIL. . . however, my SO’s older brother is dating a girl I can’t stand. We’ve known each other since pre-school and even back then I didn’t want to be around her. She just can’t help but cause drama in order to get attention (any attention is good attention to her), has caused multiple altercations between her SO and his family, and has pretty much guaranteed that no one in the family likes her. . . yet, they continue to tolerate her out of respect for the brother. Drive me (and my SO) crazy!

    I’d have a good talk with your husband. Let him know that you understand his brother is important to him (and if you want throw in that he’s important to you as well) and that you have no problem with the two of them hanging out.

    Remind him of the intervention and what she said. Also make it clear that you have to have boundaries with his SIL.  Let him know what those boundaries are and how often you can see her without losing your mind. Do your best to remain nice and polite or, at the very least, civil. And see if you can convince your SO to hang out with them in a group setting so there’s at least other people to act as a buffer (this definitely has made it easier for me and SO to deal with his brother’s girlfriend; we have to see her in a family setting on a weekly basis, at least). 

    Post # 36
    Member
    2567 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    I’m confused since you use “SO.”  Are you married?  Or is this your boyfriend’s brother’s wife?  If you’re married, you need to have a serious conversation with your husband about this woman.  You shouldn’t have to hang out with her all the time.  Yes, I think you should need to put up with her for family get togethers, Christmas, etc.  But you shouldn’t be forced into hanging out with her “just for fun.”  Your husband should be able to hang out with his brother on his own.  Why does he insist that he needs you there every time?

    If you’re only dating, you may want to reconsider marrying into this family if she really bothers you that much.

    Post # 37
    Member
    4134 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    Have you tried having an honest conversation with her about how you feel?

    Post # 37
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee

    I am in the same boat.   BIL’s wife acutally scoured weddingbee until she found me and read all of my posts which she then shared with people I vented about during the wedding planning.   Its been 6 months and I can’t bear the thoughts of being in the same room as her.   DH supports me but is sad that its come to this.  I worry that he will resent me in the future.  The sad thing is that we got along with them for so long, but because I did one thing that pissed her off, she went on a witch hunt. 

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