(Closed) BIL's girlfriend proposed to him – now I have to wait 3yrs to get engaged!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Beetle123:  Putting an engagement/marriage off for THREE YEARS is ridiculous IMO. Two people in the same family can be engaged at the same time. As long as you don’t get married on the same day, what does it matter?

ETA: Seeing as how they’re both 19 and have only been together two months, there is a chance there might not even be a wedding in two years. Especially since your Brother-In-Law didn’t tell you the “happy news” in person. 

Post # 4
5006 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2018

My engagement is almost two years. I’ve seen plenty of people get engaged and married during that time. It happens. You can’t postpone your life for three years just because they might get married (and, let’s face it, they’ve been together for two months. Odds are slim that they’ll actually make it down the aisle). I’d avoid setting your wedding date within a few (2-3) months of theirs for conveniences sake, but really… if you want to get engaged, then that’s between you and your SO. It has nothing to do with them.

Post # 5
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Beetle123:  I think it would be silly to put your lives on hold. Stick to your own calendar, get engaged when you want to be engaged, and only when you are ready to set the date, discuss the situation with the other couple (if they are still engaged by then).

Post # 6
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Beetle123:  It’s time your fiance put on his big boy pants and stopped letting his mommy tell him what to do.

So his mom say your wedding should wait until after his younger brother’s wedding… well why is his mom the boss of his life? Are you guys going to let him mom also tell you where you can live, when you can have kids, etc etc.?

He should ignore his mom’s advice and get married when you and he want to. So long as it’s not too close to the other wedding (say, 2-3 months), there is no problem.

Post # 7
4029 posts
Honey bee

@Beetle123:  Honestly, the whole situation sound ridiculous and immature. There is no need to wait three years (let alone multiple months) to get engaged just because somebody else got engaged. If you two are old enough and mature, you can decide to get engaged whenever you want to. Will it cause problems among other family members? Maybe, but you two are adults and need to make decisions for yourselves.

Post # 8
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

@Beetle123:  I think this must he one of those cultural differences. I’m engaged. My niece is engaged. We are a very close family. None have told friends and family. We will within weeks of each other. It didn’t even occur to us that one of us would get mad over it. We are super happy we can play wedding planning together! Lol.

I truly hope you guys don’t delay and put your plans on hold for so long over trying not to tick someone else off. Especially when you’ve been together a few years and were excited to start a new chapter.Keep in mind that if it is a big family and you have many friends, chances are someone will have an important event this year. And next. And the one after!

Post # 9
119 posts
Blushing bee

If you plan on getting engaged and married before they even need to start planning and are going to put it off because of this, that’s really stupid. There is going to be almost 0 overlap in time frames. You’re 24, be an adult and make your own decision, don’t let his family make it for you. 

Post # 10
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  i totally agree.


@Beetle123:  there is no “queue” for getting engaged or married.  expecting you and your bf to wait 3 years to just get engaged is completely unfair. 

i don’t think any of this should change your original timeline.  move ahead as the two of you discussed.  every bride gets one day.  your fsil does not get 3 years.

Post # 11
3669 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Beetle123:  This is so silly and I don’t have any advice other than to be an adult. Sorry if that sounds like silly advice but this is a silly problem. 

Post # 12
8575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

2 months? Wow, thats a super short time.. Honestly.. I would be surprised if there even is a wedding. I’ve known lots of 19 year olds who get “engaged” and then break up a few months later.

Anyway, I would wait a few months and then do your thing. You don’t need to plan your life around theirs.. just give them a little time to plan their engagement and then plan yours.

Post # 13
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with PP. It is very ridiculous to assume you would all wait for them now. You can still get engaged and get married and they would still have time before their wedding to enjoy being the center of attention if you chose to. I also think that after being together for 2 months they might not end up following through anyways.

Post # 14
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Beetle123:  What if they had decided on a 5 year engagement?  You can’t put your life on hold for other people.  You have no need to feel obligated to wait or guilty if you don’t.

Post # 15
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I really really REALLY disagree with your mom and I don’t think you should change anything about your plans.  You have waited long enough to get engaged and its your SO’s brother and gf that have totally jumped the gun.  If anything, I think they have been a little disrespectful towards you and your SO.  I would continue to plan your lives like before and maybe just try to space out the actual weddings by 6 months to a year so its not too stressful on his family having two weddings in a row.  However, one of my closest friends is getting married in August (she’e been with her SO for 11 years!) and her sister is getting married a month after her!  It doesn’t bother either one of them.

Post # 16
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Beetle123:  This is so incredibly ridiculous. There are no rules about when you can or can’t get engaged and be married. 

As far as I’m concerned you have no basis for your concerns whatsoever, so I have no clue why you’re so worked up about it. 

The topic ‘BIL's girlfriend proposed to him – now I have to wait 3yrs to get engaged!’ is closed to new replies.

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