(Closed) BIL's girlfriend proposed to him – now I have to wait 3yrs to get engaged!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 137
Member
9485 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

just read the op…and that’s the most insane reasoning I’ve ever heard. Keep up with that buffer rule and you’ll be old and gray before it’s your turn. 

Post # 138
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Beetle123:  I don’t think she meant that people agree with you when she said a lot of people have the same opinion. I think she meant that alot of people think it is unnecessary for you to put your lives on hold for so long. If so many people think it’s okay for you to get engaged sooner, shouldn’t that make you feel a little better about moving forward? IMO, if FSIL would be so upset over someone getting married or engaged before she gets married, she shouldn’t have such a long engagement. Also, I agree with PP who said you and your FI should be planning the wedding, but FMIL, so that isn’t something you should worry about. 

Post # 139
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@Beetle123:  

@pineapplez17:  

Yes, I wasn’t clear! I meant that the majority of people on this thread agree —with each other— that your concersn ARE mostly in your head! 

Do NOT postpone anything in your life because other people are doing the same things!  EVERYBODY does these things!!!! Move on with your life!

Post # 140
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’ll echo what others have said – not only do I think it’s unnecessary to wait until after their wedding to be engaged, I also think it’s silly to be upset/angry when it appears that this is only your opinion, not the opinion of your boyfriend, his brother, or the brother’s fiancee. It’s kind of you to try to be respectful but I think you’re going overboard in this case.

Post # 141
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

My FI’s cousin got engaged the same year we did, we had hoped to get engaged in the late summer but because she got engaged early summer and only comes home for Christmas my FI decided to ask me after Christmas, so she could have her moment as the first of their cousins to get engaged.

Honestly, their relationship and yours is entirely separate, and I don’t think it’s disrespectful at all to be engaged at the same time.

That same cousin of FI’s is getting married in August, we got engaged in December but are getting married in June. We know we’re different people, with different relationships and different wedding styles, so it isn’t something we’re too concerned about. And honestly, when you’ve been in a relationship as long as yours, people aren’t surprised and just see it as a natural progression, so don’t disrupt your plans just to be overly considerate of someone else. Sometimes you have to stand your ground regarding your relationship, and where it’s going, and I think this might be one of those times.

Bottom line, don’t put your life on hold and deprive yourself of the happiness and excitement you have over this, just to be overly considerate of someone else.

Post # 142
Member
6163 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Beetle123:  Seriously? Your fiance needs to man up! If you both are ready to get engaged, get engaged. Like hell I would knowingly wait 3 years just to please someone else. 

Post # 143
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I say you get engaged when you planned, get married in about a year and that still leaves a whole YEAR for them to plan their wedding with the help of FMIL.  Don’t put your life on hold that is the perfect receipe for resentment, and you really don’t want that.

Post # 144
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

We got married in March and my BIL and his wife got married in November of the same year. I don’t get what the big deal is. It sounds like you are putting undue pressure on yourselves. Get engaged when you are ready and make sure your wedding dates don’t overlap. Geez, you two could get engaged and married and all settled in well within the timeframe of their two year engagement.

Post # 145
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Windstar on Naples bay

Don’t post pone your life for theirs. My husband and I got engaged, and then my BIL got engaged two weeks after. It started a bit of fight but things got better. We got married and their next in two or three months. 🙂 no biggie. No harm no foul. Don’t wait. Waiting leads toore waiting. It’s not worth it. Something will always come up. 

Post # 146
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Beetle123: ” I think that FSIL is the kind of person who would take offense to getting married before her and would see it as stealing her thunder.”

Then she is far, far too young and immature to be getting married. If that’s the case, why bother ruining your life because of her?

Note that nobody is supporting the three year wait here. It is the most absurd, ridiculous thing I have ever heard. You aren’t forced to put your wedding on hold for 3 years. Heck – I have a friend who is one of 15. Going by your strange rules, about half here famly would be middle-aged by the time they got to marry!

Post # 147
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

The thought of waiting 3 years to get engaged just because his younger brother is engaged/getting married is absolutely ridiculous.  You cannot put your life on hold just to avoid “stepping on toes”  If anything, wait a few months and then get engaged.  I would just avoid having a wedding date within 3 months or so of their wedding, for financial purposes of your family with travel required, showers, etc.  Other than that, I’d say it’s fair game.  
Getting engaged after only 2 months seems VERY soon to me as well, but I guess to each their own.  They would be insane to be upset with you for getting engaged/married when you want to. 

Post # 148
Member
5455 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think this is one of the most ridiculous things I have read… Why the hell would you want THREE YEARS because some KIDS who probably won’t even make it to the wedding are engaged. That is insane. 

Also, maybe it would be a damn good idea to sit down and have a MATURE talk with them about their engagement and your own. If yall are mature enough to be getting married, you are mature enough to have a conversation with them and actually ask if they have concerns about it or if you are just making it all up in your head, like it seems that you are doing. 

Post # 149
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Beetle123:  You can be engaged at the same time. If your SO wants to get engaged, just do it.

Post # 150
Member
1673 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  +1 Agree with everything you said. 

 

@Beetle123:  I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to wait that long just for them! It would be plenty reasonable to get engaged with, say, a month in between each couple. That’s totally fair.

It’s fairly common for people of relatively the same age group to have many engagements and weddings in the same general period of time. 

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