(Closed) BIL's girlfriend proposed to him – now I have to wait 3yrs to get engaged!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 152
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have zero idea what this is about.

Brides get one day, that’s it.

You don’t have to wait for anything or anybody.   If you feel you do, you aren’t mature enough for any of it.

 

Post # 153
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Beetle123:  You don’t want to get engaged because your Future Sister-In-Law thinks she can claim the next 3 years to herself, and you want to avoid upsetting your Future Sister-In-Law.

So, if your Future Sister-In-Law wants to be the only girl in the family with a certain colour hair, would you dye your hair to avoid upsetting her?

Because that’s how ridiculous this is. When people make crazy demands, you don’t appease them – you ignore them.

Post # 154
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sorry OP, I’ve got to agree with darn near every other poster on this thread. It is ridiculous for you to put your life on hold because of someone else’s choices. Grow a backbone and live your own life…sometimes people get mad at other people for stupid reasons. They’ll get over it. 

Post # 155
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Beetle123:  I can definitely see where your sadness and anger is coming from, especially considering Future Mother-In-Law already told you to wait when you guys were on the cusp of getting engaged, and your Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law haven’t even been together for very long. I’m sure it feels awful thinking that your wedding might be a burden or source of drama. But like I said, this was within a couple of days of their engagement, so it’s possible FMIL’s attitude could go from “you guys should just wait” (when the engagement is still fresh and they’re enjoying the limelight) to “maybe it isn’t a big deal after all” once the excitement is over.

I would give the issue a rest for a month. This seems to be causing a lot of stress, anger, and resentment. Focus on something else for awhile, get your mind off of it; a month isn’t too long. And then, in a month, try approaching the situation again with your SO. Perhaps he will have also changed his mind, or he’ll decide he just can’t stand to wait another three years. Maybe things will have even changed between Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law.

In any case, if you were only a month away from engagement at this point, please don’t let this stop you. Future Sister-In-Law can throw a fit if she wants to, but she would only be showing her immaturity if she did. Future Mother-In-Law could choose not to support you, but that would be pretty cruel. And if they did react badly, SO should stand by you (and vice versa) and explain that you can’t just put love on hold for someone else. But I think, more likely than not, everyone would just get over it.

Post # 156
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

My brother and his fiancee got engaged two weeks after my Fiance and I did and are not getting married until mid 2015 (we are getting married december this year) Stuff them, get married!

Post # 157
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee

@Beetle123:  I think all of this is being built up in your head to bigger than it actually is or should be. Please realize that people are meant to live their lives and no one should live their life around someone else’s schedule, though waiting a month or two to be considerate of your Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law to have some attention on them might be nice. Your Future Mother-In-Law is being ridiculous by telling you to wait until after their wedding. If you don’t need her help financially, then this should be no setback. Frankly, the planning might even be easier if you could do some of it together with your Future Sister-In-Law.

As long as you and your SO know that you wanted to get married because you wanted to and not because of anyone else, you shouldn’t put your lives off for someone else. That’s completely unreasonable. Are you going to plan when you have your kids around someone else’s schedule too? Or purchasing a house? 

Your engagement/marriage doesn’t take anything away from theirs and theirs doesn’t take anything away from yours. If either you or your Future Sister-In-Law are going to be upset about that, well then I think you both have some maturing to do.

Post # 158
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

@Beetle123:  This is the oddest, self-imposed problem I’ve heard. If you and your bf want to get married then get married. If she gets pregnant are you going to wait to conceive until her kid’s three years old or something so you don’t ‘steal her thunder’?!

Post # 158
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Good lord! Your logic is insane! But if you’re going that road… I actually would’ve thought THEY were the rude ones by getting engaged only after two months of dating and being in such a young, not enough marring age as you two are. But hey, maybe I’m the crazy one for thinking I shouldn’t keep my timeline according to other people 🙂 

Ps. You’re still young anywho. I’m the same age and my SO and I are planning to getting married in at least 5 years. So, I guess it is not the end of the world to wait if it is for the right reasons (which are YOUR reasons).

Post # 159
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Beetle123:     You wouldnt be wrong to engage now.  my Fiance and I got engaged a few months after his brother and his now wife, and FI’s sister got married the following fall during our engagement. We are getting finally married this summer.   No one will hold it against you, you cannot schedule your life around other people and their decisions. What would you do if they decided that they wanted to stay engaged for 3 more years?  The buck needs to stop somewhere, there’s no time like the present. Do things on your own timeline, you are a couple.

Post # 160
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My younger sister is getting married three months after me.  No reason you shouldn’t talk to your partner and his brother about an engagement and a marriage BEFORE theirs.  

So they have a two year engagement, you can have yours in 2015 and there should be no hard feelings.  

Post # 161
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I read the updates and I still think this is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard! No offense OP but it kind of seems like you don’t want to get married, if you’re letting something like this stop you. I guess do whatever makes you happy. 

Post # 162
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just get engaged. You should not have to plan your life according to another couple and as long as you don’t put the wedding a week before theirs, there is no problem.

Post # 163
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Beetle123:  Waiting three years to even get engaged because of them is CRAZY! You’re being very polite in wanting to give them their ‘time’ but seriously, don’t put your life on hold because of them. Do what you guys want when you want, don’t let someone else dictate such an important time in your life. I also think you’ll start to resent them if you wait.. Just do whats right for you guys.

Post # 164
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

Beetle123:  (Replying to OPs second update).

My Fiance and I have been planning our entire weddung alone. Why do you and your maybe Future Sister-In-Law need your MILs help to plan your weddings? There’s no need fir her to be involved, let alone ‘under pressure’ from planning two weddings. And if it’s for financial help, then perhaps none of you are ready to get married as it’s be unfair to burden your Future Mother-In-Law.

 

Anyway, just to echo everyone else, you’re all being ridiculous.

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