(Closed) BIL's girlfriend proposed to him – now I have to wait 3yrs to get engaged!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 77
Member
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I so agree wtih PPs. Being an true adult means doing things when they are right for you, regardless of others ideas. This situation seems a bit silly because in no way did anyone tell you they wanted you to wait or threw a fit, you just decided. How fair is that to yourself and your partner? Get married when you want to get married. Why would you put your life on hold for someone else’s?

 

 

Post # 78
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

View original reply
@MeiFrancis:  SO.TRUE.

This family sounds nuts. Your Mother-In-Law thinks it’s ok for these 19 year olds to get engaged after 2 months, but it’s not ok for you to get engaged in the same YEAR?

Good on you, OP, for being respectful of people’s lives… but honestly this is taking it too far.

There’s no way I’d wait.

But like Mei said, it’s proabably a moot point.

Post # 80
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The idea that you should postpone your life for three years for a wedding that probably won’t even happen is laughable. You’re very gracious to want to give them their time and if you are really worried about stealing the spotlight (which your FBIL’s fiancée shouldn’t be if she’s mature enough to be getting married), wait until next year to get engaged. But personally I think the whole thing is ridiclous. 

Post # 81
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

This doesn’t need to be a big deal. My younger sister got engaged about 6 months after I did and had her wedding 6 weeks before mine. It was fine!!! It was actually nice to have a planning buddy to comiserate with! We were both able to keep from being competitive, which is the real key. It’s not like there’s a finite amount of attention out there – your family can be excited for you both! So I don’t think it woudl be a problem for you and your partner to continue with your plans.

Don’t be mad at them – this was the right decision for them. But that doesn’t mean that you need to change your plans. Obviously you shouldn’t have the wedding on the same weekend. I think a month buffer is nice. But there’s no reason you have to wait 3 years to get engaged!

Post # 82
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Beetle123:  Sweetie. You are being very nice. But a little ridiculous. There is NO reason you cannot get engaged and married during this time. You DO NOT need to wait three years. That’s insane. Also – they are 19? And been dating for 2 months? How do you know they’ll even make it down the aisle? Why put your life on hold for something that seems very impulsive.

Post # 83
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Anna Winery

In my opinion, don’t wait. It’s silly to. They will go through to many up’s and downs to base your relationship choices on them. Who knows if they will even be together in 2 years?? 2 months is too soon for an engagement versus yall have been together for 4 YEARS! You need to do what’s right for you two, it’s your life, not base major choices on someone else. 

Post # 84
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee

@Beetle123:  No way!! Let them have their few months and then you guys can get engaged, besides you would get married next year…they aren’t getting married for at least 2 (if it lasts which is pretty rare after only 2 months).

Post # 85
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This sounds ridiculous. My brother and Future Sister-In-Law got engaged ELEVEN DAYS after my Fiance proposed. Who cares if you all are engaged at the same time? 

Post # 86
Member
963 posts
Busy bee

Could your Fiance have a heart to heart with the brother and tell him that he was planning to propose with the intention of being married in the next year. Ask him if he thinks his Fiance will see it as competition, or if she would be okay with that. Maybe they would be fine with it and you just don’t know it. Won’t know until you ask.

Post # 87
Member
3066 posts
Sugar bee

Their engagement is their business.  Your engagement is your business.  If you want to get engaged then do it today.  Or even right now. It’s entirely up to you.

I don’t think that you need to be annoyed that the brother hadn’t told you about his engagement.  He’d only got engaged that afternoon.  it just takes time to tell people.  He was probably too busy kissing his girlfriend (fiance).

My husband and I dated for 18 months, got engaged and then married 8 months later.  My cousin dated her boyfriend for 8 weeks, got engaged and then married him 2 months later.  Both she and I have been marriex to our respective spouses for over 26 years.

Stop worrying. Just get engaged.  🙂

 

Post # 88
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

No. That’s just crazy. She doesn’t get 2 years of HER time. You guys can get engaged whenever you please. 

Post # 89
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@mepayne:  So Fiance and I are in a similar situation and it sucked we got engaged 6 months after his older brother even though we have been together longer (FIs brother knew of our engagment before he proposed but did it any way) our date is after there date even though Fiance and I arent happy about it.

 

In your case they are postponeing the wedding and only have a vage year set from what it sounds like. I think asking your Fiance to talk to his brother I think you can be engaged and married way before the even start to plan. If his brother is 19 and your guys are in your mid 20s I hope his bother could understand. and if you guys have been together that long his little brother shouldnt be blind sided by the fact that you guys are ready to take the next step in your relationship.

 

I say go for it!

Post # 90
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Beetle123:  I got engaged and 1 month later my DH’s brother got engaged. I will tell you that since he had been saying for years he didn’t want to get married and his GF’s reaction to our engagement (she skipped our engagement party to get her hair cut), it was clear to everyone she had forced him because she was pissed off we “beat” her to it. 

I would wait a few months before getting engaged (even though i dont see that stigma happening in this situation) and get married either the year before or after them. Honestly i doubt they will even get married but for the sake of his family (if they will be helping with costs) i would suggest not having it within 6 months of the brother. 

He’s 19. He has no idea what he is doing. 

Post # 91
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Get engaged whenever you are ready and as long as you don’t pick the exact same wedding date, get married whenevet is right for YOU. 

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