(Closed) BIL's girlfriend proposed to him – now I have to wait 3yrs to get engaged!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 107
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Beetle123:  Um, your BF’s mom is ridiculous.  People get married all the time in the same families in the same year, let alone several years.  And what if they decide to call it off in 2 years?  Then you waited for nothing.  2 months is not long enough to really know someone.  This whole situation seems ridiculous to me.  Do it on your own terms.  Don’t let other people boss you around!

Post # 108
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I really can’t believe that this post is real.

Why would anyone wait to get engaged, especially  for 3 YEARS, just because another family member was engaged first?

Their engagement should have NO affect on yours.

Post # 110
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Beetle123:  We got engaged last year, and FI’s close cousin got engaged 5 days later! We chose a long engagement, and she got married this past November, so during our engagement. Just an example that your relationship with your Future Sister-In-Law won’t change if you get engaged. It sounds like you are really thoughtful, and I’m positive you two will have a good relationship because of that! To avoid any family drama, I wouldn’t jump the gun to get engaged right this second, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t stick to your original timeline. If they do end up setting a date and getting serious about the wedding planning, pick a date that you and your future Fiance love but put some space between the two events (but no need to wait a year!!)

Post # 111
558 posts
Busy bee

You are wonderful people for being so considerate of others, but remember that you have been an item longer than they have and therefore the likelihood of your getting engaged and married quickly was much higher and probably on everyone’s minds as a big possibility coming up.


You have had a mature approach to date, discussing and loosely planning.


As far as I’m concerned, marrying this year is fair game for you.


If you were marrying within 6 months of their ACTUAL wedding date then, hmm, maybe I would see that as a little competitive. But who EVER heard of someone waiting patiently for over 2 years.


If the bro didn’t have the decency to tell you both himself.. then who’s hurting who here? 


Do you think if the shoe were on the other foot he would wait, the same as you’re doing?


Happiness is not something to “postpone”, we only have the Here and Now. Go and build your dreams together.


How could your happiness cloud anyone else’s? All you are achieving is sadness by thinking you must wait in line as if someone is handing out allowed dates and times. Only you control your future, do not hand that power to anybody else.


I suggest you get engaged now and then you can have your wedding way, way before. And to be honest, they might not even last the engagement. And then where will you be? 2 years on and for what? You can’t go on other people’s If’s and but’s. You are a solid couple and you should go for it. 


If you are still really worried about what is “Good Form/etiquette”, then do a Poll here on the Bee forum. Something like : Fiance’s bro pipped us to the post and suddenly got engaged, it will be for 2 years. Is there a safe distance to keep from the end of their engagement, to actually MARRY?


1 year? 6 months? 3 months? Whenever we want?”


(notice I didn’t even write “safe distance to get engaged” because you can seriously get engaged whenever you want, that is something private between the 2 of you and not something that needs to be discussed with others over a dinner table, as it’s only actual wedding budgets that need to be dissected and dates that need to be agreed on)


Seriously, in the same way that when one friend has a kid, their friends start having kids too. Do you really think people sit around saying: Oh we can’t have a kid now because my best friend had one and it would steal her thunder?


No way !


And my conclusion for you is: How can you put a timeframe on Love ?????????


It is something that needs to be lived, not shelved.


Post # 112
4036 posts
Honey bee

Yep! It seems so ridiculous. Like the post this week, from the gal who had to give her engagement ring back, because the center diamond was bigger than her MILs. If it seems too strange to be true, usually it is.

Post # 113
10 posts
  • Wedding: December 2014

My sister and I got engaged two weeks apart and are both super excited about it because we get to help each other plan. I think every situation is different but I think it would be silly to wait that long just to get engaged, they were able to do what they wanted so why shouldnt you be able to be happy and stick to the plan you had! 🙂

Post # 114
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

They’re 19 and have been together two months? Chances are this won’t last… Just go ahead and get engaged when you and your partner are ready and start planning your wedding. Unless they’ve got a date set, scheduling won’t be hard.

Post # 115
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh good lord.   This is completely ridiculous!  Get engaged when you and your partner want to get engaged.  Just don’t have your ceremony on the same day.  Or maybe do have it on the same day and save on expenses! 

Post # 116
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Holding off on an engagement for years just because someone else got engaged is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard of. I don’t think you should plan an engagement the same week, or a wedding for that matter, but outside of a month, there is absolutely no issue. Life has enough drama, don’t create any. Just be happy and content in the way your own relationship is progressing and try to be happy for the other couple and hope that by some miracle it works out or it doesn’t, but they both walk away a little wiser and with their hearts intact.

Post # 117
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@JrzyGurl:  Agreed.

OP, I think the stress of this situation is all in your mind and you’re making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. No one in their right mind would think that you a)can’t get engaged in the next 10 months left in this year just becauae they got engaged, and b)that you can’t get married until after they get married. is that what you would expect out of people when you get engaged, to put their lives on hold for years while you wrap it all up? I certainly hope not. This should have zero impact on you and your SO’s plans–can you imagine if you waited 3 years and they called off the engagement?! That would be an insane waste of your time!

Post # 118
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Beetle123:  My Fiance and I got engaged just 2 weeks shy of his sister and her Fiance and our weddings are 5 months apart – theirs first. I don’t think you should have to put your lives on hold for anyone! Do what you feel is right for the two of you.

Post # 119
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Beetle123:  I just have to say this, hats off to younger brother and his fiance,  not for getting engaged before you and your boyfriend,  but for seemingly to not care what others might have to say about them becoming engaged after only dating for a few months. Seriously,  life is too darn short to purposely wait for someone else’s approval to do what you want; especially,  when it’s your life.

Post # 120
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you have to wait to get engaged until none of your other family members or friends or anyone else are getting engaged or married, then you will probably never get married. I get letting them have their time, but you don’t have to put your life on hold just because Future Brother-In-Law got engaged. 

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