Post # 122
I have one question and a suggestion
Question – does that mean that if a friend or a family member ( one of his sisters maybe) gets engaged inside your engagement time (between the time you are engaged and married) you will get angry with them? Cause that’s really silly. You don’t own time, you just need to do what makes you happy. Your own happiness is about the only thing you can control.
Suggestion – why don’t you guys just have a double wedding? That way you don’t have to wait 3 years and seeing as your so hell bent on maintaining a sisterly relationship with this girl whose only been around 2 months what better way to bond than to plan a wedding together?
Post # 123
@Beetle123: (referring to post # 120). The people who should plan the wedding are you and your fiance. You don’t need your FMIL’s help.
2 years is a really, really long engagement. No one has any right to get angry if a relative gets engaged or married in this time. If your Future Sister-In-Law is so insecure that you getting engaged would cause drama, then she is a super drama queen and you shouldn’t let her get away with it.
If she gets pregnant, will you put off getting pregnant too to avoid stealing her thunder? If she delays the wedding another 2 years, will you delay yours? This whole thing makes no sense. Live your own life on your own timetable.
Post # 124
we had our wedding in September 2012 and my husband’s brother got married in June 2012, I don’t understand the issue in having engagements/weddings overlap?
Post # 125
They could break up next month….after 2 short months is everyone really that sure that they ll last? Why base your timeline around them? I don’t understand how that keeps peace in the family. That would piss me off to wait 3 more years over what time has already passed.
Post # 126
@Beetle123: don’t live your life based on other people. Do what YOU and your Fiance want
Post # 127
@Beetle123: I feel like your inventing a lot of barriers that do not need to be there. Ok so they got engaged this month, so wait two months and get engaged. Maybe they’re getting married in 2 years, so get married in 1 or 2.5 years.
There is noooo reason to wait 3 years.
On top of that I cant tell you how many girls I knew that got “engaged” in highschool or college and broke up a month later. I was almost a very young bride myself (bf was in the military) and looking back on it, not only did we not have any means to get married, but it would have been horrible (that bf is now an ex bf).
This is probably just young love getting over excited. And even if it isnt and they’re in for the long haul, they don’t get to monopolize 3 years for a one day event.
Post # 128
I am just kind of in shock by this… she beat you to getting engaged so therefor you can’t get engaged until they are married in 2 years?
You say that she is the type that she would be upset about having you get engaged/married before her wedding even occurs but I cannot picture a woman being so insecure that it’d bother her. I’d see if you got engaged immedaitely after they did and stole her thunder or planned your wedding for a month before hers… but I HIGHLY doubt she’d be upset with you going ahead with an engagement. I know I would be upset knowing that you put your life on hold for me thinking I’d be offended.
By your logic you’ll never get married because you’ll always be stealing someones thunder or your Future Mother-In-Law will always have something else to do during your wedding planning process. 2 years is a very long engagement and since they only practically just started dating it may not even last that long!
Post # 129
Many a woman has helped two daughters plan a wedding at the same time and lived through it. It’s not as if you would be doing everthing at the same time. You could get engaged six months before her wedding and married six months after it.
Post # 130
- Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club
@Beetle123: dont let this ruin anything.
I recently got engaged (Dec 2013); after that, my big sister announced that her and her SO were planning on thinking of getting married the same year my Fiance and I are having our wedding; and my cousing just announced her engagement this week.
It is all about love and support; dont let this ruin your planning. each wedding is unique; and should be celebrated.
Post # 131
@aribanana: If the situation were reversed I wouldn’t really care.
Part of the reason I find this so stressful is because I don’t know Future Sister-In-Law all that well aside from a few conversations where we got along quite well but from what I have overheard when she talks about her wedding, she will be one of those people who thinks that she gets claim over the whole three years.
I also feel a little silly because SO hasnt proposed to me, however were hoping to do it this year but now feel like if we did, we’d be going against Brother-In-Law, Future Sister-In-Law and Mother-In-Law which is silly because I just want us to all be happy.
I already know I’m taking everything out of propotion and causing barriers for myself, I 100% agree. But this is the stress I feel and we aren’t even engaged or anything of the kind. I want planning to be married be a happy and exciting time but right now it feels like it will be a burden and upsetting.
We have already decided to wait for a least another year and see where everything falls. I guess I’m just venting and it’s frustrating that because of their sponinutity it feels like we can’t continue with our plans. She wouldn’t have been able to know though. I feel like such a cow writing that but I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it.
I am genuinely happy for them, just not that they did it within a month of us hoping to become engaged.
This is just silly and know that but I can’t seem to shake my sadness and at times anger.
Post # 132
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
@Beetle123: Many people have had the same opinion about this– doesn’t that help ease some of the stress or convince you that perhaps you’re overthinking it?
Life happens too fast and unpredictably to put these kinds of artificial timelines on yourself! Get engaged when it makes sense for YOU TWO. Plan your wedding the same way.
If you can’t get over this self-imposed barrier, you will only have yourself to blame!
Post # 133
@Beetle123: couldn’t you just ask your Brother-In-Law and his fiancee if they would be OK with the two of you getting engaged? Maybe ask the opinion of your Mother-In-Law too just to be sure?
Also, and I realise this sounds quite horrible and I would definitely not wish it upon them, but they’ve only been together for two months and they’re very young. Two years is a long time, they can’t know each other very well yet, so a lot could change over the course of their engagement. Wouldn’t it be silly to wait for them to get married if maybe there is a chance that they rushed into this and things turn out differently than planned?
Post # 134
@prahajess: Yes, this has helped me a lot. I’m glad to hear that not all my concerns are in my head.
Post # 135
I have to echo all the other posters who have said that this is ridiculous. If you and your SO want to get engaged – do just that. Get engaged.
Not getting engaged for over three years because your SO’s brother is engaged is, In My Humble Opinion, seriously stupid and people pleasing to the extreme.
If your SO’s brother fiancé gets shitty because you and your SO get engaged, she’s just showing her obvious immaturity. Her reaction (and any one else’s reaction, including FMIL’s) should have absolutely no impact on yours and your SO’s decision to get engaged.
Post # 136
I say get engaged, plan a wedding, get married. By the time theirs really does role around, they probably won’t be together anyway. It’s not about who get married first is que. The wedding is more for the bride anyway…I would tell the family that you all have decided to get married and have a wedding…true love doesn’t have to wait. If they do not like it, then that is their problem.