(Closed) BIL's girlfriend proposed to him – now I have to wait 3yrs to get engaged!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 122
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I have one question and a suggestion 

Question – does that mean that if a friend or a family member ( one of his sisters maybe) gets engaged inside your engagement time (between the time you are engaged and married) you will get angry with them? Cause that’s really silly. You don’t own time, you just need to do what makes you happy. Your own happiness is about the only thing you can control.

Suggestion – why don’t you guys just have a double wedding? That way you don’t have to wait 3 years and seeing as your so hell bent on maintaining a sisterly relationship with this girl whose only been around 2 months what better way to bond than to plan a wedding together? 

Post # 123
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Beetle123:  (referring to post # 120). The people who should plan the wedding are you and your fiance. You don’t need your FMIL’s help.

2 years is a really, really long engagement. No one has any right to get angry if a relative gets engaged or married in this time. If your Future Sister-In-Law is so insecure that you getting engaged would cause drama, then she is a super drama queen and you shouldn’t let her get away with it.

If she gets pregnant, will you put off getting pregnant too to avoid stealing her thunder? If she delays the wedding another 2 years, will you delay yours? This whole thing makes no sense. Live your own life on your own timetable.

Post # 124
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Beetle123:  

we had our wedding in September 2012 and my husband’s brother got married in June 2012, I don’t understand the issue in having engagements/weddings overlap?

Post # 125
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

They could break up next month….after 2 short months is everyone really that sure that they ll last? Why base your timeline around them? I don’t understand how that keeps peace in the family. That would piss me off to wait 3 more years over what time has already passed.

 

Post # 126
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Beetle123:  don’t live your life based on other people. Do what YOU and your Fiance want

Post # 127
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Beetle123:  I feel like your inventing a lot of barriers that do not need to be there. Ok so they got engaged this month, so wait two months and get engaged. Maybe they’re getting married in 2 years, so get married in 1 or 2.5 years.

There is noooo reason to wait 3 years.

On top of that I cant tell you how many girls I knew that got “engaged” in highschool or college and broke up a month later. I was almost a very young bride myself (bf was in the military) and looking back on it, not only did we not have any means to get married, but it would have been horrible (that bf is now an ex bf).

This is probably just young love getting over excited. And even if it isnt and they’re in for the long haul, they don’t get to monopolize 3 years for a one day event.

Post # 128
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I am just kind of in shock by this… she beat you to getting engaged so therefor you can’t get engaged until they are married in 2 years?

You say that she is the type that she would be upset about having you get engaged/married before her wedding even occurs but I cannot picture a woman being so insecure that it’d bother her. I’d see if you got engaged immedaitely after they did and stole her thunder or planned your wedding for a month before hers… but I HIGHLY doubt she’d be upset with you going ahead with an engagement. I know I would be upset knowing that you put your life on hold for me thinking I’d be offended.

By your logic you’ll never get married because you’ll always be stealing someones thunder or your Future Mother-In-Law will always have something else to do during your wedding planning process. 2 years is a very long engagement and since they only practically just started dating it may not even last that long!

Post # 129
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Many a woman has helped two daughters plan a wedding at the same time and lived through it. It’s not as if you would be doing everthing at the same time. You could get engaged six months before her wedding and married six months after it. 

Post # 130
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club

@Beetle123:  dont let this ruin anything.

I recently got engaged (Dec 2013); after that, my big sister announced that her and her SO were planning on thinking of getting married the same year my Fiance and I are having our wedding; and my cousing just announced her engagement this week.

It is all about love and support; dont let this ruin your planning. each wedding is unique; and should be celebrated.

Post # 132
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@Beetle123:  Many people have had the same opinion about this– doesn’t that help ease some of the stress or convince you that perhaps you’re overthinking it?

Life happens too fast and unpredictably to put these kinds of artificial timelines on yourself! Get engaged when it makes sense for YOU TWO. Plan your wedding the same way.

If you can’t get over this self-imposed barrier, you will only have yourself to blame!

Post # 133
Member
15 posts
Newbee

@Beetle123:  couldn’t you just ask your Brother-In-Law and his fiancee if they would be OK with the two of you getting engaged? Maybe ask the opinion of your Mother-In-Law too just to be sure? 

 

Also, and I realise this sounds quite horrible and I would definitely not wish it upon them, but they’ve only been together for two months and they’re very young. Two years is a long time, they can’t know each other very well yet, so a lot could change over the course of their engagement. Wouldn’t it be silly to wait for them to get married if maybe there is a chance that they rushed into this and things turn out differently than planned?

 

Post # 135
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

I have to echo all the other posters who have said that this is ridiculous. If you and your SO want to get engaged – do just that. Get engaged.

Not getting engaged for over three years because your SO’s brother is engaged is, In My Humble Opinion, seriously stupid and people pleasing to the extreme.

If your SO’s brother fiancé gets shitty because you and your SO get engaged, she’s just showing her obvious immaturity. Her reaction (and any one else’s reaction, including FMIL’s) should have absolutely no impact on yours and your SO’s decision to get engaged.

Post # 136
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I say get engaged, plan a wedding, get married.  By the time theirs really does role around, they probably won’t be together anyway.  It’s not about who get married first is que.  The wedding is more for the bride anyway…I would tell the family that you all have decided to get married and have a wedding…true love doesn’t have to wait.  If they do not like it, then that is their problem.

 

Kitty

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