(Closed) Biological Father Wants a Relationship With Me.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you should give it a chance. And I say this as a mom of a daughter whose dad has basically dropped out of her life. You really only know one side of the story. I would never try to dissuade my daughter from having a relationship with her bio father- especially as an adult. But of course only if you feel comfortable about it. If you feel it might bring too much heartache, I could understand that too.

Post # 3
Member
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

For me it would be a no most likely. But if you really want to you should contact him. Keep in mind that is may very well upset your mom when she finds out. And it may become one of those “I’m not coming to your wedding if he does” situations. :/

Post # 4
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

You know, it totally depends on you and how you’re feeling. He has been a shitty dad so far. But, he has always wondered and thought about you and has made a few attempts to try. Now that you’re an adult, you get to decide what you want to do. 

I would say to give him a chance. Get to know him as an adult. It might not be perfect, but it’s an opportunity to get to know him. I believe in second chances. We all do things we regret in our youth. Maybe give him a chance to make it right, if just a little bit. 

My husband has a son in Scotland that he hasn’t seen or been able to contact for 10 years. He is now 13 and we hope he will reach out when he’s 18 and want to know who his bio dad is. He can’t contact him now, because of a complicated family situation. I wish he would. Anyway, good luck. these things are always tricky.

Post # 5
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My situation is somewhat similar to yours; my mom had me young and I never grew up with my dad. We occasionally talk but we will never have a normal father daughter relationship. But I never shut him out, I’ve accepted it is what it is. Give him a chance bee. Maybe he’s a different person now. 

Post # 6
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
TeacupSeahorse:  this is absolutely none of my business, but since you asked, I’ll give you my opinion.  If  I were in your shoes, I would not have a relationship with this guy.

If he had wanted to, this man could have been in your life from day one.  He could have provided financial support or at least a shoulder to lean on. Casual social media contact does not a relationship make.

I suspect that if you try to get close you will only be disappointed.  Of course, it’s your choice to open yourself up to that experience.

Post # 8
Member
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It really depends if you want to or not. Like a PP said you only heard one side of the story. My DH and my own dad had similiar stories of absentee fathers who wanted nothing to do with them. Come to find out both their mothers refused contact and even want as so far to get rid of letters and gifts. My dad recently found out he was taken to the park so his dad could see him – only at a distance. DH found out his mother lied about a lot of things from his childhood. 

Again, these are the experiences I’ve been witness to. Not all are like this. It might be a heartbreaking meeting or it might be heartwarming. Really no way to tell. Either way – perhaps it would bring you closure. 

 

Post # 9
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Eh it’s obviously up to you, but be careful. My mom had me young and my dad was in and out of my life in my younger years, but I’ve not seen him 10+ years. His newest Girlfriend added me on FB last year and so they have a bit of idea what’s going on in my life now. She does the same sort of thing and writes those gushy things, wishes happy birthday, etc. 

He had a son before me, and I’ve kept in good contact with him (half brother), his wife and their kids. They’ll be invited to my wedding, but he won’t. He just has nothing to offer, and at this point in my life I dont see the point of bringing up past heartache. 

Post # 10
Member
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
TeacupSeahorse:  well this case you can gove him a chance. Just before you get close to him make a decision regarding what would happend if you had to chose to only have one of your parents there and make sure both of them are aware of your decision. This will hoppefully save you some heartache if it comes to this…

Post # 11
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

I vote for giving it a chance.  Go slowly, protect your heart, but it’s worth a shot.  He has tried to make some contact over the years, you only have your mom’s version of the story, and people do change.  Most of us have done some stupid stuff as young people that we wouldn’t think of doing after we’ve matured a bit.   It may not work out and you certainly do not have to make the effort, but if you don’t would you ever think back and wonder “what if”. 

Post # 12
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

Personally I would continue my life without him. 

Post # 13
Member
1121 posts
Bumble bee

If it were me I wouldn’t let him into my life.

Background: I have been out of contact with my Dad for 9 years after he gave me reason not to trust him on several occasions and had violent outbreaks. This it probably the reason I gave my answer, therefore my opinon is most likely biased by my experience.

Post # 14
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

Yes give him a chance. My male friend who is in his mid-40’s now had a child with a German woman when they were in their early 20’s. They split up afterwards and he was never able to see to the child again until one day he found the boy (who is now a young man) on facebook. Just because your father was not there doesn’t mean he doesn’t  love or think about you all the time – well i can only say that about my friend’s experience. I know it pains him to not have be there for the boy but he didn’t have custody rights and they lived in different countries. He had depression over this (which his son does not even know about to this day)

Post # 15
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

As someone who both had an absent father and who has an adult child with an absent father, I would say do whatever you need to satisfy any curiosity you may have, but don’t have too many expectations.  These things often fizzle out after that initial curiosity has been satisfied.

I’d also say go in with an open mind and don’t let him get away with excuses.  My daughter’s father said he would refuse to see her if I asked for child support, but that when she grew up he would tell her that I refused him access.  Lovely.

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