Post # 1
I’m 42 and child free by choice. I was on the pill forever and then have had an IUD for the past 6 years. My FH won’t get a vasectomy and at this point, I really don’t care because I recently heard of a friend’s sister becoming pregnant a year after her husband’s vasectomy (yes, it is clearly his kid). I asked my doctor before I had the IUD put in the first time whether I could just have my tubes tied and she said she wouldn’t consider it at my age. Then last year, at 41, I asked her again and she said she won’t do it because it’s too invasive. I have had zero problems with the IUD but I just would prefer not to have plastic in me forever. Has anyone child free had their tubes tied for reasons other than it being medically necessary? What are the pros and cons in your experience? Should I find a new GYN?
Post # 2
tomandrachael : I’m so sorry but your GYN is completely wrong. She should have done a tubal 6 years ago when you asked the first time. A friend of mine got hers done electively at 25 years old but it took 5 GYN before she found someone willing to do it “when you may still want to change your mind”. It’s been 8+ years and she is very happy she made that decision.
Keep searching for a new GYN and have your say for your body.
Post # 3
I haven’t had one, but would like to one day.
There’s a childfree subreddit that has some resources.
Such as a how-to-guide: https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/sterilisation
Plus a list of doctors that have done ligations : https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors
Post # 4
I can’t help you with experience but that Gyn sounds awful! How dare she decide what’s good for you? I heard similar story’s before. I can’t fathom that a doctor thinks he’s so important that he has the audacity to tell you about your life priorities. I believe that the second argument is just for arguments sake yes it is more invasive than a vasectomy but a man they don’t ask twice. My husband was in for another reason (got kicked in the balls during sports) and they had to do something and asked him while on the table if he wanted a vasectomy while they are at it. He was so shocked that he said no. Such a huge decision in a whim of a second was too much for him. After, he said, he wished they had given him like 10 min to think about it, he would have said yes. It was like “would you like some ketchup with those fries?” kinda offer. And women? They make this huge deal out of it as if it was the only reason of our existence is to spawn youngens. Like we are not able to make such a life altering decision because we were only born to breed. Makes me very angry. And it’s not like you are 21 anymore. You know yourself by now and a doctor should respect this. They will give you a new face as long as you pay for it but just dare to have your tubes cut! That’s a decision a woman can’t possibly make. She must be wrong!
Me personally, I love my pill for so many reasons that I have it shipped from Europe. Sooner or later my husband will get snipped but we are not in a hurry because I won’t get off the pill in any case. I don’t want my period every month and the pms that come with it and my pill also helps with my skin (37 years old and the skin of a teenager – the good and the bad that comes with it)
i hope somebody here can help you out with some experience.
Post # 5
I agree with the PP, it’s time for a new gyno. I’m not child-free but am early thirties and have requested to have my tubes pulled. My doctor has no issues with referring me to a gyno to get that done and if one told me no, it’s on to the next one. Some of the new research is suggesting pulling them versus tying them as they’re finding that ovarian cancer might start in the tubes – so that’s also something to think about.
Post # 6
MiaSuperstar : my only worry really is actually getting periods. I haven’t had more than spotting since having the IUD inserted and my periods were really light and short on the pill. I went off the pill because I was having other side effects that were making me feel terrible. The mirena has been great but I’ll be late 40’s when this one is done so I don’t want another one.
Post # 7
tomandrachael : Maybe you should take some time after you get the Mirena out to use condoms and get used to what your life is like off hormones. And then you won’t have that concern about what periods might be like for you, and you’ll have a better idea of whether Mirena, a tubal litigation, or maybe Paragard is right for you. A bonus of Paragard would be that it lasts for up to 12 years, so it could essentially be your last action for preventing pregnancy.
Either way, find a new gyno. I’m also curious what your husband’s reasons are for not getting a vasectomy? Perhaps I’m just lucky, but my husband agreed a long time ago that he’d get one in our mid thirties. I’d like to hear your husband’s perspective. Unless it has something to do with masculinity, in which case I don’t. Haha
Post # 8
I’m also curious about why your husband won’t get a vasectomy, it’s such a minor procedure compared to female sterilisation and carries much lower risks.
Post # 9
His reasons are flimsy but they’re his reasons. He has kidney stones fairly often, like about every 1-2 years and has to have surgery or procedures to remove them. He claims he just doesn’t want any more “poking around down there” his words, not mine. I hve a few years to try to get him to change his mind but I’ve also always been the one to be responsible for my birth control and I’m more comfortable in that sense knowing for sure. I would be devastated if I became pregnant at 42 or even later.
Lovely ruby: yes I definitely think some time off of hormones would be a good thing I can always change my mind and have another mirena put in as I’ve heard of some having to go on the pill to regulate periods etc after having tubes tied which would completely negate my reasons for being sterilized anyway.
Post # 10
I’m 35 with 2 kids and I asked my doctor to get my tubes tied and she gave me the third degree too. I think they have to really as unlike a vasectomy it’s not reversable.
ive been off hormonal bc for years (while having my kids) and I know I don’t want to be on it again and I’m 100% sure I’m done having kids so it made sense to do it. My husband isn’t keen on a vasectomy either and really it’s me who doesn’t want to get pregnant again. tomandrachael :
Post # 11
Personally, if it was me I would push the vasectomy. It’s an extremely minor and often reversible procedure performed under local anaesthetic, where as tube ligation is performed under general anaesthetic and carries risks such as organ damage, bleeding and ectopic pregnancy. If you’ve always been responsible for birth control all the more reason for him to step up!
I’ve had gynae procedures for endometriosis which are performed in a similar way (laparoscopically) under general anaesthetic and the recovery isn’t quick, I was still aching and in pain weeks later, my stitches got infected and I still have scars now years later. I just personally wouldn’t put myself through that again if the other option was a minor procedure under local with next to no risks, I agree his reasons are flimsy, so I would push harder for him to have it instead.
Post # 12
I would definitely get a new gynecologist. But, your husband needs to clarify his reasons. You’ve made a decision as a couple to be child free. Up until now, you’re the only one who’s carried the burden of ensuring that decision is a reality. A vasectomy is a minor surgery, tubal litigation isn’t. When we decided we were done having kids, I told my husband if he wanted a permanent solution, he was getting a vasectomy. Is he 100% committed to being child-free? When my husband had his vasectomy, the doctor questioned hm very seriously about whether he was done having kids. He was asked to consider whether he would want more kids if we got divorced or he was widowed. Men have to consider their looooong fertiliy window. I know for lots of men that’s knocking around in their subconscious. Or there’s a weird psychological component about shooting blanks and what that means for their masculinity.
Post # 13
Wow!!!! I would have got a new gyno the moment she refused to tie your tubes for you the first time! How DARE she make that call for you?
I wanted it done at 28 or so, my gyno had no issues doing so….but she also said “hey, you have an copper IUD, it’s been working for years, already in there, not bothering you…. so why take it out to do this?”
I thought it was a fair enough point so just kept it in till it “expired”. When it was time for a new one a few years ago, I opted to just do it again vs. the surgery for the ease/cost. It’ll last me till I’m too old to have kids.
I had a different gyno for my last IUD, and shes too never once tried to talk me out of it or give me the 3rd degree.
Post # 14
While I definitely agree you need a new OB/GYN you cannot force your husband to get a vasectomy if he doesn’t want to.
Post # 15
At 42 personally I’d just stick it out with the IUD. I’ve known a few women (online) that ended up with tubal ligation syndrome and all kinds of weird shit after having a tubal. I’m sure it’s rare but it doesn’t really seem worth it for a few years at most.