Post # 16
tomandrachael : he doesn’t get to refuse for “flimsy” reasons if he wants to continue to have sex.
So he’s ok with you going through a *major* procedure under general anesthesia,with significant risks of complications rather than put himself through something relatively minor?! Yeah fuck that noise..I would have a hard time getting past his selfishness and lack of concern for you…
Yes, you need a new gyn based on her first refusal.
Post # 17
- Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE
I am 27 and just got a bilateral salpingectomy last month (tubes completely removed, not just a tubal ligation where they cut a chunk out).
I am CFBF and know I never want kids. My husband didn’t want to get a vasectomy and that’s fair, since it’s HIS body. Real rich of everyone here outraged at how your doctor didn’t let you do what YOU want with YOUR body and in the same breath saying to withhold sex from your husband unless he does what YOU want to HIS body.
Male vasectomy lifetime failure rate is WAY higher than female sterilization and carries it’s own risks like LIFETIME scrotal pain for up to 10% of men. It’s also not effective until 3-6 months later when he’s been cleared w/ a semen sample. That is a choice he needs to make for his body.
A vasectomy is great when you two are having sex, but what if you were raped? Hopefully your rapist had a vasectomy too or you are NOT covered. What if your husband dies and you remarry, will you ask him to get a vasectomy too? What if a Handmaids Tale-esque dystopia happens and all the fertile women are rounded up to become incubators, whether they like it or not? Fat lot of good his vasectomy will do you then. Likely? Maybe not, but if you’re serious about not having children at all or not having any more then these are the things you really should think about.
As for “invasive” I truly have to laugh at that! It is a laparascopic surgery (which by definition is NOT major and is classed as outpatient!!!). My actual surgery took 20 minutes, and the whole experience was 3 hours total at the hospital for the prep work, surgery, and waking up from the anesthesia. I was up and back to normal after 4 days of laying in bed. I took a whole week off from my desk job and totally didn’t need it. I have 3 tiiiiiny scars that have already flattened out and are fading fast. Honesty they just look like the stretch marks next to them!
My husband and I had sex within a week, my period returned right away (I had my nexplanon implant removed while I was under!), and I have had zero side effects. So called “Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome” is a myth and all of the symptoms people describe are likely caused by coming off of birth control at the same time or regular hormonal shifts as people age. I am NOT saying no one experiences symptoms after getting their tubes tied, but there is no actual science that removing or cutting the fallopian tubes causes the types of symptoms they describe.
All in all, having my surgery is definitely one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and I am loving my tube-free life! I used the reddit list mentioned earlier in the thread to find my doctor! You can PM me if you have more questions 🙂
Post # 18
ElephantAndTheFlea : None of this changes the FACT that vasectomies carry far fewer risks than tubal ligation. That’s a fact, there’s no disputing that. Vasectomies are carried out with local anaesthetic and more often that not do not even require stitches, tubal ligation is performed under general anaesthetic which in its self significantly increases risks.
They pierce through your skin and muscle with instruments in three places and pump gas into your abdominal cavity, this carries risks of infection and organ damage. Yes the risks overall are small, but they are much higher than for a vasectomy.
You might have been happy to accept the higher risks and much longer recovery time (there is next to no recovery time for a vasectomy), but I personally would question why my partner would prefer me to undergo such a procedure when they have the option to have much less risky and invasive procedure which has the same effects (contraception) themselves. Seems a tad selfish to me…
Post # 19
First of all, going to echo PP – you need a new GYN. Mine is going to do a tubal on me at 35 when my Mirena expires. No reason why a woman in her 40’s should be denied a tubal.
Umm…so you’re in your mid 40’s – aren’t you going to be reaching menopause soonish? Why would you go through an invasive surgery when in a few years you’re going to be sterile naturally? I would just get another IUD and wait until menopause hits, then you don’t have the cost or the surgery to deal with. Or does your family history have the women going into menopause much later?
Post # 20
- Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE
ariesscientist : None of that changes the FACT that vasectomies carry far GREATER risk of causing a PREGNANCY which has WAY WAY WAY greater risk of harm (here’s a handy dandy list https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complications_of_pregnancy) than either sterilization method COMBINED.
“Severe complications of pregnancy, childbirth, and the puerperium are present in 1.6% of mothers in the US and in 1.5% of mothers in Canada. In the immediate postpartum period (puerperium), 87% to 94% of pregnant individuals report at least one health problem. Long-term health problems (persisting after six months postpartum) are reported by 31% of pregnant individuals.”
VS complications of vasectomy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasectomy#Complications
OR Laparoscopic surgery: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3015471/
Either way it is NOT SELFISH to make your OWN health decisions and to trust that your partner is capable of making THEIR OWN health decisions.
You clearly didn’t read my post because it is NOT a long recovery. I’ve HAD the surgery. I was back up in a few DAYS, the SAME as a vasectomy.
It’s also NOT your decision to make for other people, or your RIGHT to judge them about what they do with their health!
On that note, I’m not replying to this thread anymore. I don’t have to justify my personal healthcare choices to strangers on the internet. If the OP wants to PM she can. I want everyone in this thread to do what’s right for THEIR health and THEIR family. I know lots of people with vasectomies, tied tubes, no kids, and up to 8 kids. It’s not my job to say XYZ person did a selfish thing just because their life plan doesn’t follow mine.
Post # 21
ElephantAndTheFlea : You seem…overly aggressive about this whole thing.
This article (and many others) states that pain after a vasectomy occurs in 1-2% of men, and that’s only for “greater then 3 months”, not necessary a life time. The pain/symptoms also seem similar to tubal ligation syndrome, in that there is no direct answer as to what is causing the pain. They literally call it “post-vasectomy pain syndrome.” I’m not sure why you would dismiss other women’s symptoms so easily, but yet it’s a huge issue for a man to experience some discomfort after surgery?
She could have an abortion if she got pregnant. And I mean who wouldn’t take plan B after being raped. There are options in worst case scenarios, rather than undergoing a surgery that might be completely irrelevent to her in 2-5 years.
Post # 22
I’m really surprised that people in this thread would push a partner to have a vasectomy if he didn’t want one.
My husbands and I are not planning on having kids, but I would never push him. If I died tomorrow, he may want the opportunity to have children with a future partner, and it’s not my right to deny him of that. We just aren’t planning on having any together.
On the flip side, if he died tomorrow, I have zero desire to have a baby with anyone, ever, even though I probably have a good 5-6 fertile years left.
People have the right to make their own decisions for their bodies.
Post # 23
ElephantAndTheFlea : You seem very emotional about this, a vasectomy has a much shorter recovery time than a laparoscopy, men are “back up and running” immediately, with a laparoscopy women have at least a few days of recovery if they’re lucky. I’ve had two laparoscopies and I got an infection after my second, I was no way “back up and running” within a few days, it was weeks before I was able to go back to normal activities without pain.
A laparoscopy and general anaesthetic is in no way compatible to a vasectomy in terms of risk and recovery. Yes, for the majority of women they have no long term issues and recover well, but that does not negate the risks of the procedure.
I just don’t see why women are usually the ones expected to bear the burden of contraception in heterosexual relationships, we take hormonal birth control which has a long list of common side effects because in most cases men don’t want to use condoms. In this situation OP’s partner has given the reasoning of “not wanting anyone to mess down there” as to why he refuses to have a vasectomy, yet he is more than happy to allow his partner to have invasive more risky surgery instead. If I was her I would not be happy with this excuse, she’s been responsible for birth control throughout their relationship, it’s his time to step up and deal with it imo.
If you were happy with your partner’s refusal to get a vasectomy and wanted to be sterilised yourself then that’s your choice. It’s of my opinion that if your partner is unwilling to take responsibility for contraception (condoms or a vasectomy) in your relationship and their only reason for refusing a more simple and less risky contraceptive option is because “they don’t want anyone to mess down there” that’s not a good enough reason. I would suggest condoms or a vasectomy then it’s his choice, it shouldn’t be all on the woman to deal with contraception and the risks and side effects.
Post # 24
I have heard of various people having ectopic pregnancies after having their tubes tied. That would be my greatest fear.
Post # 25
I had my tubes tied when I was 34 and never regretted it. You neeed a new Gyno like yesterday.
Post # 26
pinkcorsage : Right, I have no intention of trying to force him to at all. It’s his body and his choice.
Post # 27
sweetdee89 : Not a lot of family history to go by. My mom was on the older side but my grandmothers were both on the younger side. Me being older is one of the best arguments for not having it done that I have on my list.
Post # 28
ariesscientist : I am always responsible for what happens to my own body and I would be devastated if I became pregnant. I’m not really emotional about it at all, I just wanted to weigh all my options and hear from others possibly in a similar situation. I’m not saying I just want to jump into having surgery and those saying my SO should be stepping up etc know nothing about my relationship or his health issues. My partner is fine with condoms but I am not. Hormonal birth control has served me well for over 25 years but I wanted to explore other options. If I would have had a GYN who would have talked to me about it instead of just tossing my questions out, I may not have come on here but while I feel his reasons are flimsy for not wanting a vasectomy, I can’t and won’t force him to get one. ETA: I see the emptional thing was possibly meant for another poster, sorry was reading on my phone.
Post # 29
mrstodd2bee : #1, I don’t deny sex as a punishment, we don’t punish eachother, we discuss things. why would I punish myself for something he has every right to refuse to do? #2, he is not in favor of me having a surgery AT ALL but again, my body, my choice. I just wanted to hear from people who have had it done. I figured I would hear some that had a good experience/no issues and some who did not have a good experience. I feel like if I really pushed him, he would do it. I have 3 more years before I need to figure things out but it was something that I have been thinking about as my 43 year old sister in law just had her 4th kid in 5 years.
Post # 30
tomandrachael : I had mine tied after my second one was born in 1999, never have i regretted it. My then husband said: “It is you or me!” We were done. And get a new gyno, one who listens to you and respects your wishes.