(Closed) Birth order and relationships

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have noticed a difference between the babies and the first borns, or even middle children. Although, I don’t think I’ve ever dated an only child, so thats weird. For example, both my husband and I are second born, but he’s the baby, whereas I am one of four. When we were dating, I did notice that he expected a lot of preferential treatment, but he isn’t bad about it, just different than me. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Fi is an only child and that sounds so much like him! The worst was when he was a bit younger and first met my sister (who was 9 at the time) they didnt get along so it took a ton of adjusting for him. Thankfully he’s a 100 times better now but there is still a little more work to do LOL He’ll get use to it, just make sure you hold your ground and make him realise how you feel 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My Fiance is the oldest, and he was close with his younger brother but not his younger sister.  In their family, it was tolerated if he picked on her or ignored her.  I’m the middle child, and while I certainly fought with my sibs, my parents didn’t tolerate grudges or meanness, so we are all pretty close.  It’s been an occasional adjustment with him, since he is used to doing what he wants and not having to compromise or worry if he upsets someone, whereas I’m always trying to keep the peace and skip to the end of the fight where we’re all happy again.  But he’s gotten a lot better, not just with me but also his sister, since we’ve started dating.

Post # 7
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  Have you ever read The Birth Order Book by Kevin Leman? It has some really good stuff about birth order! I highly recommend it!

Post # 8
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I’m an only child… whatever you do, do NOT look over his shoulder as he’s reading/watching TV/on the computer.  If anything at all seems like it could possibly be construed as an invasion of privacy, I will flip OUT.  With only’s, privacy and alone time are key to being healthy, happy, and sane.

Adlerian theory will say that there are some matches that are more in tune with each other than others:

  • Only + Oldest
  • Oldest + Youngest
  • Middle + Middle

The most volatile would be Youngest + Youngest and Only + Youngest… yiiiikes!  The lamest would be Only + Only because they’d just be 2 people who happen to live together, hahahah.

Post # 9
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh lord, my Fiance is an only child and I had to literally teach him how to share. Now he’s a pro at it, but for a long time, it was like taking steak from a rottweiler.

What makes me laugh now is that he’s overly concerned about “fairness.” Like, “Uh, honey, why didn’t you just wash all the dishes in the sink?” “There were 8 in there, so I did 4” and keeping tabs on who had to do xyz last time.

Whether this is truly an only-child thing, I don’t know, but I like thinking it is. I grew up with two siblings and you quickly learn that fairness is a bit of a fallacy!

Post # 10
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m an only and FI’s the youngest (he has 1 brother who’s 2 years older). The only problem that we have had as far as me being an only child is the whole sibling thing. I don’t understand siblings. He and his brother have this bond and I just don’t get it. 

I’m used to all attention being on me (being the only grandchild for the first half of my life didn’t help this complex) but having to share time with FI’s brother and his wife is new to me (and may I add, quite annoying, lol). 

Post # 11
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Interesting post. I don’t really have an answer, but here’s my experience:

FH is the oldest child and has a sister about three years younger.  He is very caring, responsible, considerate, adaptable, etc.  I dated a guy before FH who was also the oldest child and had a sister about three years younger.  He was very selfish and self-serving.  I’m not sure what his relationship was like with his sister growing up, or the types of things his parents tolerated, but the way he treated others sometimes was like he thought he was the only person on the planet.

My brother is 11 years younger, so I am sort of an only child.  Admittedly, I can be pretty bossy, but I think this might come from the age difference and being a live-in babysitter of sorts.  I do tend to be a little selfish too.  I’m working on it, but I realized a few years ago that it doesn’t really occur to me to do nice things for other people.  For example, if I stop at store, I usually don’t even think to get something for other people at the house or to call and ask if they want anything.  I also find that I like to be alone a lot more than other people, and become more irritated if I feel like FH is disturbing/interrupting me.

Post # 12
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@JennyW1: I’m an only child and I know all about “fairness”. I also had to be taught to share and to be honest, I don’t like it nor am I any good at it. 

Post # 13
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

We are both only children, but neither of us seem to have a problem sharing. 

My ex, who I dated for 5 years, had 5 siblings, and it was hard for me to understand his sibling relationships. 

Post # 14
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

This is always so interesting to me. 🙂 My old Sociology professor called a pseudo-science (basically crap) but I still think birth order effects your relationships with those around you.

Fiance and I are both the oldest; hello, we’re future over-protective parents. We’re both super-protective of our younger siblings. I have three, he has one.

What’s interesting is that fact (non pseudo-science) says that oldest borns tend to want children at a younger age than their siblings. I find this to be true. I got “baby fever” pretty young. Of course, it’s obviously not true for everyone. Nothing is. But it is for us in comparison.

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