(Closed) Birthday Party…who pays?

posted 6 years ago in Holidays
Post # 3
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry you would pay, if you are hosting you should be paying

Post # 4
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it depends on how you phrase it.

1) “We’re going to XYZ Casino for his birthday! Please feel free to stop by!” That, in my circle anyway, implies that you will pay your own way and the birthday person’s spouse/SO will cover the birthday person. For example, a friend of mine recently had a get together at a local restaurant and it was phrased in a way that you knew they would be there and you are welcomed to stop by and say hi to the birthday boy, but were in no obligation to eat/drink/be merry and they wouldn’t cover it either way.

2) “We’re having a party at XYZ Casino and you are invited for a night of drinks/food/festivities! Please RSVP.” That implies this is a hosted event and you will be paying for all your guests.

Post # 5
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lilbluebird:  This is a good rule of thumb. 

I am throwing a surprise 60th for my mom at a restaurant. No one is paying for their own anything because we sent a formal invitation.

 

Post # 6
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It depends on how you word everything. In my group of friends, when we go out for someone’s birthday, we all chip in. I would say something like “I’m planning on taking Darling Husband to XX to celebrate his birthday and would love for everyone to join us! If you can’t make it to dinner, we will be bowling after1”. I think this implies that everyone is invited, but at their own cost.

Post # 7
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

In your situation if you want to get a package deal thing then I’d expect you would be paying. It’s more of a hosted party versus, hey lets all go to dinner. It all is really how you word it though. 

Post # 8
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I expect to be in the minority on this, but I’m not really a fan of people planning expensive nights out to celebrate themselves or their SOs and expecting their friends to foot the bill; I would rather be invited for wine and snacks at your house if that’s what you could afford. 

But if this is socially acceptable in your circle, I would send a casual email (or call people) saying, hey, I’m taking Darling Husband out to [place] at [time] to celebrate his birthday; if you want to meet up with us for dinner or bowling afterwards, we’d love to see you there!  I think “meet up” is kind of universal code for “we’re not paying”.

Definitely do not send any kind of formal invitation unless you’re paying. 

Post # 9
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@lilbluebird:  I totally agree with this!

Post # 11
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

Host pays. Usually I like to treat people on my birthday (but nothing beyond my means).

Post # 12
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Word of mouth can go either way, actual invite means you pay!

Post # 13
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mnp:  If you want to cover hors d’oeuvres, then what you can do is do option 1 where it’s more of a “hangout” than a formal “party” and when they get there, you can cover appetizers/hors d’oeuvres and people can get their own drinks. So essentially, they don’t expect anything and when they get there, you can say, “Hey, thanks for coming! We’re ordered some appetizers to share! Help yourself to some dip or some calamari!” It’s more of a pleasant surprise than anything else.

 

Post # 14
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I guess I’m in the minority… as grown ups, I don’t expect anyone to foot the whole bill for a birthday get together (that’s not hosted in a home). I think that’s just weird. Folks pay for their own dinner, but the birthday person’s meal is covered by someone else.

I’d say, “DH is turning #! To celebrate, we’ll be dining at XZY Restaurant. The cuisine is A, and the entrees range from $B-C. This is the website.  After, we plan to grab some bowling shoes and have at it. Cost is $C for unlimited games for two hours. Contact me if you plan to join us for dinner so we have an accurate count for reservation. Hope to see you there!” I’d send it in an email. My sister did this for her husband as a surprise party at a restaurant, and my cousin did it too– she emailed; he called.

Post # 15
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@lilbluebird:  +1

It comes down to whether you’re “getting people together for _____’s birthday” or “throwing a party”

Post # 16
Member
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

You are really responsible for paying. 

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