Post # 1
I really need advice on how to navigate this situation! My birthday is coming up next week and I’ve been wanting to organize something with my SO and a bunch of our friends, but I haven’t taken care of it yet. My bf also recently brought up that he wants to get married within a year which really makes it seem like a proposal is in order! Last week I sent him a message asking him what he thinks would be the best date to organize a bday party, and he didn’t reply. Yesterday, I brought it up again and he said “oh wait your birthday is next week, right? Man, I really need to write that in my calendar to make sure i don’t forget” I find this super sketchy since he’s never forgotten my birthday in the 5 years that we’ve been together, and last month he pointed out that he needed gift ideas (so he definitely knew it was coming up!)
So now I can’t decide if he’s surprising me and doesn’t want to directly tell me or if he’s just being a total douche lol. And I kind of need to know because if he hasn’t organized anything, I’ll be sad, I really wanted to have a party!
Do any of you have any thoughts or ideas as to how I can subtly get an idea of what’s going on? Or should i just shut up and wait?
Edit : I think he pretended to forget to throw me off, in case i was suspecting something
Thanks everyone and happy thanksgiving to all canadians in the hive 🙂
Post # 3
Tell him what you want to do for your birthday. Ask him if he had any ideas. I mean this strictly in the birthday celebration sense. Convince yourself that he is not proposing.
Post # 4
I said make your own plan. Why? Personal experience lol!
Two years ago I didn’t make a single plan on my bday. I made plans to meet up with my girlfriends the day after my bday to see what my SO had planned. We were def going through a difficult time in our relationship and……nothing. I was very disappointed and honestly thought about ending the relationship….then the next day he got hit by a car while on his bicycle and everything changed.
Then, this past year I turned 30 and was finishing up my undergraduate classes and I had one class that went until 8p, so I wouldn’t get home until 830. I didn’t make any plans, and was left so disappointed because I thought that maybe he’d plan something (like a proposal!).
It didn’t happen and really fueled my waiting depression/anxiety. I share this with you because looking back (even more so because of the place I’m in now mentally and in life)…I see how much of this was my fault. I set myself up for a let down both birthdays by depending on him.
On the one hand, it’s hopeful that he has something planned. On the other hand….if he doesn’t, how upset will you be?
Happy birthday, bee!! And I’m pulling for you, fingers crossed that you ARE getting engaged because what a bday gift that would be!
Post # 5
Thanks! I will try 🙂
@veryberry13: Thank you, great advice! I usually organize my own events so I’ve never expected him to do anything but this time he’s been really suspicious haha. I’m also afraid of organizing something and interfering with whatever he might have in mind. We’ll see how this turns out!
Post # 6
i would just wait to see what he has planned for you.
Post # 7
@geekychinchilla: I’m in the same boat as you! My birthday is at the end of this month and my SO won’t even tell what DAY he’s planning on doing something! What a pain in my behind! Lol. So I’ve referred all friends and family that ask what I’m doing for my birthday to him, so he has to deal with it.
I voted to keep saying something about wanting to celebrate because he’s mentioned that he forgot…I know that if my SO doesn’t end up doing anything and I’ve built up this excitement for no reason I will be super pissed!! Lol
Post # 8
@geekychinchilla: You could do like my first option-plan something for the day after Or the weekend after…this way you won’t interfere with his possible plans!
I should update—Mr Vb came over to my apt on my bday, and was dressed very nice and already to take me out and do whatever I wanted to do. I’m not one to really ‘ask’ for things, and once I realized he had nothing planned…I was a little bummed. But, at the end of the day, what is important to me is the TIME we would be together on my bday..so we ordered a pizza and cuddled on the couch and watched movies. Not a bad bday at all!
I just put it out there that I was expecting a surprise and well…I was disappointed when nothing happened. Try not to be like me lol!
Post # 9
@geekychinchilla: I think you should plan something with your friends for the day(or weekend) after your birthday and tell him you want to spend your actual birthday with just him, whether that is quiet night in or if he wants to take you out. Let him know that you are ok either way but it’s up to him to plan it. That way he can propose if he was going to and you have a chance to celebrate your birthday & hopefully your engagement with your friends after.
I say this because I have a similar situation coming up for my bday in a month. I know he’s planning to take me out for my bday to a place that is pretty meaningful to us. I have strong suspicions he’s planning to propose then. Although he did have me shopping for my birthday present this weekend so who knows. I have a get together with friends planned for the day after to celebrate. Whether he ends up proposing or not I will still have a fun birthday celebration with friends and a romantic dinner with my SO.
Post # 10
I agree with PPs–I’d make weekend plans with friends, but leave your actual birthday free!
Post # 11
Great ideas, thanks bees 🙂