(Closed) Bit disappointed in my bridemsaids.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
77 posts
Worker bee

@lola blue: aww! *HUGS* have you thought about maybe asking your mom to host the shower for you? i was in a similar predicament, particularly as my Bridesmaid or Best Man are all an hour’s flight from me…so i never expected anything from them, but i thought it would be nice if i made the flight down and asked my mom to host it for me instead – she was delighted!!! 🙂 

Post # 4
1365 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t expect people to throw me a party without telling them I wanted one. I’d plan it together with them, if they want to help, but you can’t expect that of them.

Post # 5
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I feel like I wrote this post!

both of my girls volunteered to be bridesmaids and talked about planning a shower and a bachelorette party for me and now that it’s 7 weeks away and they haven’t begun the planning i am frustrated. i feel like they don’t care. 

actually one of the girls said to me she doesn’t want to plan my shower anymore because shes too busy working 20 hours a week (and that is ALL she has going on).

so now my mom and the other bridesmaid are going to plan it and i figure i’ll see if the flaky bridesmaid will plan the bachelorette party because it’s not as much work.

i’m sorry this is happening to you too. but…i don’t think there is anything wrong with hinting that you would like these things. and your mom or grandma could help too!


edit: i reminded my peeps about it so that’s how i’ve gotten the ball rolling.

Post # 6
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lola blue: Ack, I’m so sorry to hear this. 🙁 While it is frustrating they haven’t offered to help you with DIY stuff, Have you tried inviting them over anyhow? Entice them with some tea and cookies or something? Is it possible they’re making your shower a surprise? Hang in there…

Post # 7
4 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was having similar feelings about my bridal party not too long ago.  I have 3 ladies in my party; my little sister (who lives out of state), my FI’s niece (who lives 2 1/2 hours away), and my older sister (MO; who lives fairly close to me).  When we first got engaged last year, it was such a big deal, because we’ve been together 12 years and everyone (including myself) was waiting for us to get married.  A while into the wedding planning process, I started getting upset that my girls were not even asking how things were going, let alone asking if they could help with anything.  I mean really people…12 years remember…this is supposed to be a big deal!  Then, I started getting nervous about how the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party would turn out.  Would they just throw them together last minute, with little thought or personal touches by going to the “Bridal Shower in-a-box store” and just following the instructions on the box?  I didn’t know.  This is making me sound slightly ungrateful and high-maintenance I know, but really I’m not.  I just have been waiting so long for this, and didn’t want to feel let down or disappointed.

I remember complaining to my friend about this and she gave me some great advice.  When she was getting married, she felt the same about those closest to her.  She told me flat out “No one will feel the same about your wedding as you do.  They won’t be as excited, take it as seriously, make it as much of a priority, or dream about as many reception details as you will.  You can’t expect them to know what you are hoping for or expecting out of them without letting them know first.”  Then I was all…”Whah?!?  But this is MY wedding…they have to take it seriously and make it priority because it’s SUPER important to me….right?!”  Uh…wrong.

So, I decided to talk to my sister (MO) and tell her how I was feeling.  It turns out this whole time she was super excited too and wanted to be involved, but was actually waiting for me to involve her more.  I realized that I was doing a lot on my own, then sitting around all sad with their “lack-of-interest” cloud hanging over my head, and feeling disappointed that no one cared.  When all the while they were feeling like I had it all under control and were just waiting for me to include them. Huh, so apparently my family and friends aren’t psychic after all…go figure, right?

I made some changes to get them more involved, because I want them to feel like they are part of our big day as well.  I had the girls choose their own dresses; I just asked them to communicate with each other and choose the ones they all liked best.  I also let my sister and mom know the overall feeling I was hoping for my shower, by dropping them hints here and there (but without being as micomanagy as I’m sounding right now….no, but really, I wasn’t I swear).  They totally did a great job and it was amazing!!  They themed it around our honeymoon to Barbados and made it a tropical paradise…including yummy rum drinks and fun cheesy shower games to keep people laughing (which I loved!).  For the Bachelorette, I let them know that I like surprises and didn’t want to know all of the details, but I also gave them hints on what I think is fun and what would have me totally embarrassed and screaming towards the door (for example: a yucky, greasy male stripper trying to pick me up or smush his yuckiness in my face…Uhhhh, NO! Eeeew….LoL).  So far, so good.  It’s not until Oct. 1st, so we’ll have to see what comes together, but I know it’ll be a good time! 

Anyhoo, I know this was a super long post and it was probably boring to most, but this topic really hit home with me.  This whole wedding thing made me realize that communication is totally key in keeping your relationships healthy and happy.  I realized that my ladies aren’t mind readers and I needed to communicate my feelings with them.  And really…no one will think this day is as big of a deal as we do, (and you can’t make people be thoughtful or caring if they’re not), but hopefully if you let your bridal party know a little about what you’re looking for, they will pull through and make this time super special for you because they care about you.  You did choose them to stand up there with you for a reason, I’m sure they will come through.  Although, I don’t see anything wrong with dropping a few hints here and there just in-case!  Good Luck!  Smile       


Post # 8
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Mrs.Coran2Bee: No one will feel the same about your wedding as you do. That’s so true.

I’m really glad I have an involved Fiance, but in my culture there’s no BMs tradition, don’t get me wrong I’m changing every tradition for my ceremony and having bridesmaids and groomsmen instead of godparents, but as far as they know they only have to show up for pictures and throw a bachelorette party.

The topic ‘Bit disappointed in my bridemsaids.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors