(Closed) Bitchy Bridesmaid

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That’s a tough one. Perhaps you could talk to her and tell her that she isn’t obligated to be in the wedding and that as it is a large responsibility, if she would like to step down and just be a guest at your wedding, you would not be offended. I’d leave it on her because she seems like the type that would go OFF if you were more direct in telling her you want her out. I had a similar situation with one of my bridesmaids and am still struggling with her, but I am just keeping my mouth shut because it’s not worth the argument. But you are in a different situation, so you have to do what’s best for you. Would your future hubby be mad?

Post # 4
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Whoa! Firstly, this is nuts. 🙂 Secondly, I think it is a tiny bit early to give her the boot.

There are a couple of things to consider here. 1.) Some people just have a bad attitude. 2.) If she can’t afford the dress, that might explain her childish behavior. 3.)Maybe she’s not great with email, and for some reason that overwhelmed her. 

I would call her and be like, "Hey, I just wanted to check up with you on the dress situation, I just have so many things to get taken care of that I might not have been too clear on what to do with your dress and the kid’s tux measurements. We need to have this taken care of by XX date because after that I will have a lot of other things on my plate and wont be able to keep track of this. I would really appreciate if you could help me out with this yours will be the last bm dress to cross off the list. "

So it’s a nice way of saying, "WTF… get your crap together and stop being a drama queen. I have too much to be worrying about to be keeping track of this when I gave you ample opportunity to do so."

If she doesn’t respond within the time frame you request or kicks this off, pass it off to your husband. It is HIS sister, and at that point HE will need to talk to her or this could create a rift between you and your new family.

GOOD LUCK! 

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

YOu started with, "I truly HATE one of my…..bridesmaids."  SO right there, there’s going to be trouble.  I feel for you, as you say, "it was understood that all his sisters would be in the wedding party."  I’m getting the impression that either the sisters or the mother (or both) are a bit controlling….  I’m not sure how all of that goes down.  It sounds a little messy.  But I think it gets wedding planning  off on the wrong foot by not asking them.  It’s an honor to be asked.  By not asking them, it seems to take the wind out of the sails.  I’m sure it gives them the impression that you really don’t care.  (Of course I understand that you were forced into it.)  But sometimes we bite our tongues around unpleasant family members, so we can all eat turkey in peace on Thanksgiving.

As for the other stuff,  I’m not sure what’s going on with the dress.  Is it a passive aggressive thing?  When you apologized and have spoken with her, have your conversations been pleasant or short and irritated from the get go?  Is she sensitive?  (Maybe still feeling like you really don’t want her there?)  I would try to back the train up a bit and start again.  Try taking her to the boutique to try on the dress, and she can put her money down while you’re there.  Go out to lunch after….  the pics -well is she good with uploading pics etc?  If she doesn’t have pics of herself, or doesn’t think she’s photogenic, don’t worry about it.  If you don’t get a pic of her, life goes on.  If you really want one, take one yourself.  As for the boy’s tux.  How old is he?  For an October wedding, I don’t think you want a little boy measured this soon anyway.  My son was in a wedding, and the tux place didn’t want him measured until a month or so before the wedding.

But that doesn’t solve the problem that you’re feeling like she is dragging her feet and holding everyone up.  I agreee that you should talk to her and explain what you need.  Really try to smooth things over with her.  It really will be best for family relations.  If she doesn’t get it done, get your Fi involved and let him tell her that you are working hard to plan a nice wedding, and that he doesn’t want the people in your own wedding party to create more stress then you already have.  And it’s disappointing to him too.  If she doesn’t want to put the effort in and be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, she needs to let you two know, so you can make other arrangements.  But hopefully as her brother, he can guilt her into behaving so she doesn’t ruin her brother’s day.  (That and he’ll finally fess up to mom that she’s the one who really set fire to their treehouse when she was nine. .)

Post # 6
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, first of all, sorry you have to deal with that when you have all that other wedding stuff on your plate at the moment.  Since she is causing you problems, could you maybe have your Fiance be in charge of talking to her and trying to get things straightened out?

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