- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
…I am a mess. I feel really guilty for even writing this post, but if I hold it in any longer, I think I may burst.
My boyfriend made a promise to me last year that we’d be engaged by the end of this summer. We are in a LDR right now, so that really cuts down on opportunities for him to propose. He’s finishing up grad school. I am a teacher, so for me, summer ends when I head back to school. If you want to go by what the calendar says, he technically has until Sept. 20ish.
Here’s a bit of background about my SO. He’s 24 (I’m 26), we’ve been together for nearly 6 years (we started dating in college, and I wanted to be settled in my career before I would think about getting engaged). Well, I’ve hit that “settled in my career” phase. I’m about to start my 4th year of teaching, 3rd year in this grade level and school. He is absolutely fantastic. We have similar family goals, similar ideas on how to spend money, what we want for our future. He is the person I can tell EVERYTHING to, he makes me happy, and he genuinely cares about me.
That being said…if I see or hear about one more engagement before it happens for me, I think I might go crazy. Since I won’t see my SO until after the school year starts, I know I won’t be starting the school year with a ring on my finger. That has really, really gotten me down. I wanted to start the year with exciting news, I would even dream about putting that bit of information in my welcome letter to my students (kinda pathetic, I know). I’m just so happy and so ready to take this next step.
I know that he is, too. We took a vacation with his family last month, and he was telling me that he couldn’t wait for us to be married and have a family. We talk about the future all the time. Lately, on the phone, he’s been more lovey-dovey. He even told me in June that he was intending on keeping his promise.
I feel like–actually, I know–that I should put on the big girl pants, suck it up, and be patient. I know that it’s not a race, it’s not a competition. A lot of it comes from when I was in my senior year of college. 98% of the girls in my senior seminar got teaching jobs before me–most of them in one of the top districts in the city. I only had something part time. I ended up getting a full time teaching job, and I’m really happy where I am. I keep trying to relate it to that–it may take longer than most, but I will end up happy.
Part of me is afraid that, for the first time in nearly 6 years, he will break a promise to me. During my visit in August (it’s a weekend visit–Friday night thru Sunday night), that Saturday night, some of his classmates are coming over for a get together. I feel that if we were getting engaged, we’d be doing something to celebrate that night. I also am First Class Worrier. If you could major in it in college, I’d have graduated with top honors.
I am doing my best to follow the Mr. Bee plan. I am not saying anything to him about people getting engaged or married (unless he knows the person, too). I am throwing myself into the upcoming school year. I just joined a gym about two weeks ago, so that has helped. I just needed to vent. If you made it through this…you are awesome :-). Thanks for listening to me.