- 2 years ago
- Wedding: December 2016
We just got married this summer. -Everything else aside I am SO HAPPY because I got to marry my best friend after 9 years of dating!
The only problem I have, which I really do not want to cause any friction, is bad feelings towards my in-laws, specifically my mil.
I never wanted to be that cliché that complains about her husbands mother, which is probably why I am in the situation to begin with.
My Mother-In-Law has always been extremely intimidating. She comes from a very posh background, has gone to the best schools and lived all over the world. She never got along with my husbands dads family and she has no siblings or cousins of her own. As a result, her her husband and only son (my husband) have always been wuite isolated. And she really prefers it that way. She is quite critical of other people depending on what their background is, and quickly judges people based on small things like what kind of wine do they drink, where do they go and vacation, how many languages do they speak. I think all these negative comments she had to say about people around us (friends, neighbours etc.) made me very vary of speaking up and made me want to stay on her good side.
It can be difficutl to hold a conversation with her, as she doesn’t take well to people disagreeing with her. She doesn’t stop until she ‘winns’ the conversation, and raises her voice easily. I am not a fan of confrontation and cry easily if someone screams at me. -Which I really don’t want to happen.
When I discuss it with my husband he tells me to ignore it, that she is the way she is and that is it. I get the feeling both him and his father are partly ‘scared’ of her, or upsetting her as it never ends well. As a result she gets away with a lot of passive-aggressive comments.
The problem is, it is starting to eat away at me, especially after the wedding. There was a lot of MIL-related drama leading up to the wedding. Basically she was the Bridezilla in the situation. She was not for us getting married but once she realized we weren’t backing out she decided she was going to plan the wedding, and had more than a few dramatic shouting fits the week before all for unesessary reasons she later blamed on stress. One fight because she felt my husband was too ‘conventiona’ (I have no clue what she meant. We had a low-key 80 person wedding, and a 0min non-religious ceremony. Very simple.) and the other fight because she felt we weren’t appreciating all of her efforts enough -this based on my husband getting tired of her constantly complaining about mutual friends we had invited to the wedding that she did not know.
There are a hundred other reasons, like her wearing (white) jeans to the wedding, demanding we not have a wedding cake (because they are boring), feeding my dog foods I’ve asked her not to, saying rude things about my family members etc
I’m sure there is a deeper reason she acts the way she does, but I can’t help but feel like I don’t want to be around her. I am always waiting for the next passive-aggressive comment. She tends to but in when me and my husband are having conversations, telling me to calm down. I always feel like the outsider when she is around, like I need to walk on egg-shells. I’ve once tried confronting her, it did NOT end well.
Nowdays they invite themselves over, as we live in differnet countries, and take our bedroom. I’m dreading the next time they stay over. I work from home and they are around all the time. When she comes in, she takes over my whole household, and my husband doesn’t understand how much stress this causes me.
Last time she was over and I was out, re-arranged my paintings and started cleaning out my cupboards. -Perhaps it comes from a goof place but it feels disrespectful.
How should I deal with this? Confronting her, and trying to talk about it always leads to fights. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and managed to tackle it? I guess I just have to stop feeling sorry for myself and deal with it, but I know the consequenses will be substantial.. But I don’t want this to continue once we have kids!