Post # 1
I am the first of my friends to be getting married and every since my engagement the relationship I have with one my Bridesmaid or Best Man and best friend from college is getting worse and worse. It seems like we just can’t relate on any level and any opportunity she gets to throw a little jab in she takes it.
I understand the pressure of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man and no one will ever be as interested in my wedding than me so I really don’t send her too many things when it comes to wedding planning. I didnt even tell her I got my dress for 2 weeks. I couldn’t decide between a few STD’s so I sent her an email saying, “Which one do you like best?” This was her response, “I think you should do one with one only picture because who wants to look at a slide show of you two on there fridge for a 9 months? They will be like what the f*ck!” My response was, “Wow…well I hope when my family and friends get my STD’s they don’t think ‘What the F*ck”. And the ocnverstaion ended there.
Seriously it just blew me away. This is not the first time she has made passive aggressive comments. It’s to the point I don’t even want to talk to her anymore and it makes me so sad because we were so close and she’s one of my BM’s.
Has anyone else experienced bitterness or a change in friendships since getting engaged?
What should I do? Take it with a grain of salt and let it go or let her know that what she said wasn’t cool?
Post # 3
- Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna
You should be honest and tell her the truth. It sounds like there is something going on deeper than just her not being interested in your wedding.
Post # 4
Been there. It totally sucks and there’s not much you can do. There are a few options: either speak to her honestly and tell her that you’ve been seeing a change and ask what can be done to fix it, or you can continue to includ her and act as if nothing is wrong. Then you could always continue to remain distant and not say a thing. That’s what I did, because I didn’t want drama nor am I good at confrontation. It didn’t make anything better, I’d stay away from that option. In fact, I haven’t talked to this particular Bridesmaid or Best Man since the wedding. I swear in my next life I’m not even going to have a bridal party at all!
Post # 5
@jennifer_espos: You sound just like me. Every time she says something rude I never say anything then I end up getting off the phone thinking, “did that really just happen?” She is totally a type A dominate personality so idk if she would even give me a second to speak or take the time to comprehend that she is rude. the worst part is we talk on a regular basis and just act like everything is fine and I end up getting off the phone thinking…why did I just call her?
Ahhhh this is frustrating
Post # 6
Wow. I can relate. I had this problem with TWO BM’s and my Maid/Matron of Honor. Two of the 3 came around eventually. Honestly, if someone can’t handle that you’re moving into a new stage of you’re life, they eventually won’t be around. It’s very sad and I’m sure you’re close but you simply can’t continue this way after the marriage. People either deal or they don’t. I agree with @ jennifer_espos. Do the best you can up until the wedding. Talk to her about it and continue to include her…but don’t ask for advice (she’ll just end up hurting your feelings) and see if she accepts things once your married. Worthwhile friends will find a way to cope with the new dynamic. Those too selfish to be flexible will eventually fall by the wayside.
Post # 7
Oh gosh and wow. She is almost screaming for a fight with you. I totally agree with Jennifer Espos, I would just continue to include her in things and act like I didn’t notice her behavior, but never go to her for advice or to gab about the wedding again. I actually did have a Bridesmaid or Best Man who was kind of like this, got mad (crying) when I would talk about the wedding b/c SHE was so unhappy so HOW could I talk about my wedding to her? And made some passive/aggressive negative comments about things like making fun of the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, flowers, etc. I honestly just acted like I wasn’t bothered, laughed it off and fortunately for me she did eventually come around (although she did cry right in front of my face during the wedding reception).
Post # 8
Thank you bees. I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this. I think I’m going to say something nicely like, “I’m not too sure what your intentions behind what you said were but you really hurt my feelings.” Im sure i will get a superficial apology. I’m definably done asking her opinion on wedding stuff.
This just suck. I want my friend back.