(Closed) BJ's… Powerful or powerless?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: The 'power' is in the hands of
    The receiver : (12 votes)
    11 %
    The giver : (70 votes)
    61 %
    Depending on the situation, either : (32 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    9647 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I agree with you, I think the giver holds all the power, controlling the receiver’s pleasure, and has the ability to give or stop the pleasure at any time.

    Post # 4
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I personally always believed the power was to the receiver b/c I viewed BJs as very submissive for the giver. Something about being “lower” than the receiver and looking up at them.

    Darling Husband on the other hand believes they are the ultimate power for the giver b/c she is holding his “manhood” in her mouth. He insists that there is a level of trust that comes from letting someone do that. He’s been w/many women and he told me he only trusted a couple of them to do that to him. 


    Post # 6
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @cirk:  I think it can work both ways, depending on the dynamic. Men can abuse the generosity of the giver (think Sex and the City with the guy pushing Charlotte’s head down there) and / or try (whether intentionally or not) to kind of…humiliate the giver, trying to get them to submit, making demands, etc.

    But then there’s the mutual respect kind of blow job where the giver truly wants to do it, wants to bring the man pleasure. Even if there’s no teasing involved and it’s just solely about giving the guy a great time, there’s a definite power in that for the giver.

    Post # 7
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014


    @ellisrobertson:  + 1.

    I think it’s all about the atitude in which it is given. The giver can hold the power and dominate the receiver or be dominated and “used.” It really is all about the dynamic in the relationship and whatever floats your boat at the time. 


    Post # 8
    6359 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t know, I honestly don’t see oral sex (on either party) as a power thing. I guess the focus is on the receiver.

    Post # 10
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @cirk:  Exactly! And I’ve been in both situations. I’ve never, ever given one when I didn’t want to, but I have had guys turn it around midway through, trying to dominate the situation and turn it into something totally ridiculous. For me, even when it’s just about giving the guy pleasure, it still turns me on and I refuse to continue if the guy is being a dick (pun actually not intended, lol) about it. Sometimes, to maintain the feeling of power when I’m starting to feel used, I’ll become really unenthusiastic about it and his…um…ego will deflate. It’s vindictive, but when it’s gone from a mutual respect and pleasure thing to a “you will do this for me and get me off and be obedient about it” thing, the switch turns in my brain and I participate in the power struggle.


    I hope it’s a given that I meant that all in the past tense. There’s only one guy now. πŸ˜€

    Post # 11
    501 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Jacqui90:  +1 πŸ™‚ we are the ones in control honey πŸ™‚

    Post # 12
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    Usually the giver, unless you’re getting facefucked and gagging and all that. 

    Post # 13
    4659 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    The giver is definitely more powerful. They’re in control of everything the other person feels. Guys can TRY and take control, but generally the giver will either A. enjoy that and allow it (meaning they’re still actually in control, but yeildng for their own enjoyment) or B. Cease giving pleasure until behavior has improved. πŸ˜‰

    Post # 14
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    In my relationship oral sex doesn’t represent power, just a fricken great time.


    Post # 15
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @Bebealways:  Totally agree.  The giver definitely has the power.  πŸ™‚

    Post # 16
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @cirk:  It depends on the situation and who is controling it. Just because you’re giving it doesn’t mean that’s you. There are plenty of sexual situations where the person *giving* is actually submissive. I suppose without considering fetish life, the giver has the power (but I’d never consider a life without fetishes!)

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