(Closed) black tie? does that piss people off generally

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Did you include the tux information in the invite? I think with a deal like that, I wouldn’t mind. It’s when my Darling Husband would have to shell out $100 for a tux that would bug the crap out of me. Also, if the women you’re inviting don’t have a long dress, that can also put a damper on things. I like black tie optional weddings a little better…it ensures that your guests will be very dressed up, but doesn’t go as far as making them wear a tux and a long gown. 

Post # 4
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well, for me at least, unless I’m looking VERY carefully, I won’t notice that someone is wearing a black suit versus a black tux. So perhaps your guests sort of feel the same way, and so they’re irritated not by the $19 but by having to go and get fitted and then wear a rental tux that lord-knows-who has worn before, and then have to return it the next day. It’s more about the hassle than the money. But, if it’s really important to you, then as long as you’ve made it clear that this is the dress code, people shouldn’t really complain!

Post # 5
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I personally love black tie. But… you have to know your crowd. If under 75% of your guests don’t own a tux or floor length dress- I don’t think it’s a good idea.

Amongst my friends in the city, nearly everyone own black tie outfits, but amongst more suburban/rural relatives? Not so much.

I absolutely think every man should own a suit, but not everyone needs to own a tux, so it’s a hard requirement for some people to wear black tie.

Post # 6
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I wouldn’t make a stink over a $19 tux if someone had a black tie wedding. I don’t have a long gown, but I never mind shopping!

However, 2PeasinaPod is right, black tie optional does give just a bit of wiggle room for guests and their clothing budgets (if they don’t have a tux or long gown already), but still makes it formal.

Post # 7
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I love black tie wedding! who doesn’t like getting all dolled up and I rarely get the chance to do that. $19 for a tux is a steal! I can understand where the guys are coming from but seriously its 20 bucks and a fun night out! My husband would be up for it totally.

Post # 8
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

OP is everything else about your wedding “black tie”? Is it a Saturday night wedding with a served dinner, open bar and dancing?

Post # 9
Member
26 posts
Newbee

I personally would be elated to be invited to a black tie wedding. LOL! Any reason to dress up would have me so excited! My SO would love it too! How often do you get to get all dolled up!

Post # 10
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s silly if it pisses them off. It hardly seems something to get actually angry over.

However, I doubt I would attend a black tie affair with my guy unless we were very close to the couple. Getting him in to be measured for even a rental tux would be a pain in the rear. I don’t have what would truly be considered a formal gown and haven’t since I moved out a job that was more likely to have events that require one.

Black tie optional though, we’d be all over that. He has plenty of suits, including some very nice dark ones that would work very well. Without the hassle of having to dress him, I’d feel more comfortable going out to buy an appropriate dress.

I’m sorry that some of your guests are giving you grief over it. It seems odd that they don’t just RSVP no and be done with it. That’s what I would do in the situation. I wouldn’t feel the need to burden the bride with complaints over the dress code.

Post # 11
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I personally would love to attend a black tie event and $19 tux rental? What’s the complaint? I can however see some people being uncomfortable with this? Maybe feel out of place at such a *fancy* wedding?

Post # 12
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it would be fun….but I probably wouldn’t be too happy about having to buy a dress because until about 3 months ago, I had no need and nothing in my closet that would fit that dress code.  Honestly….I’d go, but I would probably get a less expensive gift to offset some of the cost of the tux and the dress.

Post # 13
Member
9720 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I love black tie, and if it’s your preference, it’s your wedding, and people shouldn’t give you any flack about it.  Any chance to look as glamorous as possible, I’m all about it!  My Fiance would love it, too.  He knows he’s gorgeous, lol.  There is nothing at all unreasonable about your request!

Post # 14
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it’s really thoughtful that you included coupons for affordable tux rentals. However, for a $19 rental, I’m not convinced of the quality of the tux. If your male guests already have their own black suit, chances are it will already be tailored to fit, and a well fitting suit looks infinitely better than an ill-fitting tux. I personally think black-tie optional will have people dressed up enough for your tastes, and on the night, I bet you’ll hardly even notice if guests are wearing black tuxes or black suits. Just my two cents though! They are your friends and family, and more importantly, it’s your and your finacés wedding! Guests might not be thrilled with your choice, but after a while I bet they’ll accept it.

Post # 15
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

You have to really know your crowd like a PP mentioned. If the majority of your guests don’t have much occasion to attend black tie events, then they most likely won’t have proper attire already in their closet, and it could be a hassle to go shopping for it. Even with the $19 tag (a steal btw!), the inconvenience of having to buy a gown and get fitted for the tux, only to have them be worn once might be too much for them.  (I love shopping, and would massively enjoy going shopping for black tie appropriate attire, but that’s me) I would never complain to the bride about it, though, that’s just not polite. I’d either suck it up, and spend the dough, or if I was really not able to afford it, I’d politely decline the invite.

Post # 16
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It depends on the crowd.  If you’re all usually pretty casual and/or not well off, then yes, it’s kind of annoying and could be seen as rude or pretentious.  I would not go to a black tie wedding unless it was family and I had to, even with a coupon for the tux.  We’d have to go pick one out, rent it, bring it back–plus we’d need to find formal wear for me, which is way pricer than a tux anyway.  It’s a hassle and it can get expensive and frankly, it’s not worth it to me to go to a wedding that has a dress code.  If you’re insisting on formal wear for your wedding and are inviting people who absolutely do not own formal wear, there is going to be resistance.  You have to decide what is more important–strict adherance to the dress code or having certain people attend your wedding.  Either decision is totally fine but you have to pick one and not complain about the consequences (either people not coming or people not in black tie).

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