(Closed) 'Black Tie Optional' wedding with DJ

posted 5 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Can a wedding be black tie optional with a DJ?

    Yes, black tie optional is appropriate.

    No, black tie optional is not appropriate in this case.

  • Post # 16
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    kp2kc:  Your thought process is exactly what I’m hoping for my guests to have! Thanks! 

     

     

    Post # 17
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee

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    chrissytine:  I don’t think the music is the make or break for the level of formality. However, I agree with several people here. Black tie optional is just too confusing. 

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by jamie1207.
    Post # 18
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I know I’m in the minority on this, but I believe black tie/optional is a dress code, not a list of qualifications for an event.  It’s not like USDA certified organic.  You can’t look for a venue, vendors, etc., that are “Certified black tie.”  One persons level of “super fancy” is another person’s casual.  There’s just no way to standardize this.  

    Some people might feel like your event has to be some level of “good enough” to require them to whip out the black tie, but that’s their own qualifications.  There is no black tie certification agency.  Black tie is not a matter of etiquette (well, where to put it on the invites, etc. might, but that’s it!).  

    Post # 19
    Member
    1103 posts
    Bumble bee

    We have a DJ (also formal country club wedding, white glove service, valet, etc.) and we will be putting black tie optional on our wedding website under the info, not on the invites. Groom, dads, and groomsmen will be in tuxes, mothers and BMs in long gowns. 

    Most people in my social circle will already assume to dress this way given the venue, but a few of my family members from out of town probably will not, so on the website it goes. It’s really just for their benefit, I really would not care if someone shows up wearing jeans. Just happy to have them at the wedding! But if they want to know it’s there. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    2979 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    There is no such thing as black tie optional. It’s either black tie, or it’s not.

    Post # 22
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee

    Dress code doesn’t have anything to do with music choice, IMO. We’re having a DJ instead of a live band because a live band can’t play all the types of music we want (so, like you, personal preference), but everything else about our wedding is on the fancier side, so I don’t think it changes the dress code. People are not going to show up in jeans or informal clothes just because of that, lol. Also, unless your wedding is black tie I don’t think you’re supposed to put the dress code on the invitations, so put it on the wedding website instead.

    Post # 23
    Member
    772 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I agree with the PPs that have said that music choice does not dictate dress code.  Whether it should go on the invites or not to me spends on this though:  what is common in your social circle?  If your friends/family are going to see “evening wedding” and automatically put on their long gowns and best suits, then I would skip writing it.  If they would show up in a cocktail dress and suit instead, then it would be a decent idea to write.  

    FWIW, I would rather have a dress code written.  I was once invited to an 11 am wedding with tea reception and by that, I assumed that Fiance did not need a jacket.  I was wrong.  At least my dress was “transitional”

    Post # 24
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    I think black tie optional is totally I thing. It’s way more a thing than all the other wacky dress codes people come up with these days (my Fiance and I joke about it all the time – we’re doing cocktail attire but sometimes we joke we’ll make something up to be confusing, like “Brooklyn formal” or something – we would never but it’s funny to come up with them). Anyway, BTO has been around as long as I can remember. It means don’t wear your light suit but it’s OK if you don’t have a tux and err on the fancier side of cocktail dresses. Saying it’s not formal will leave some people way too casual. If you want it dressy (which sounds totally appropriate for your wedding) but don’t want to saddle people who don’t have tuxes or long dresses, that’s the way to go. And Im pretty sure I’ve gotten invites with dress codes on them. Especially when it’s a very specific dress code like BTO I think it’s good to specify. 

    As far as DJ (which I know was your actual question) I think it’s totally up to you. Especially since it’s BT optional and not required but even so – I guess I’m a big fan of using only what rules work for you! I don’t know whether it’s a rule but even if it is I think it’s totally your choice. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    644 posts
    Busy bee

    I had a DJ and my wedding was black tie optional. Like you, I had live music for the ceremony. I think it worked out perfectly. I’ve been to plenty of formal events that had DJ’s. There are all kinds of DJ’s out there 🙂 

    Post # 26
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

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    chrissytine:  We are having a black tie optional wedding as well. Our theme is James Bond inspired, and from that alone, I would think people would know NOT to wear jeans but apparently not (I’ve never seen Bond wear jeans at the formal events he has attended…but whatever). So on our invites it is going to say “Formal Reception to immediately follow” or something along those lines. And on our website, under FAQ we are saying that it is Black Tie Invited (I liked that better than optional because I didn’t want people thinking that wearing casual attire to our wedding was an option) & asking people to wear their best Bond Inspired attire. Where we are from it is VERY common to get an invite that says “Black tie optional” or “Formal attire requested” on it – and I have never cared. I swear people on this site have given me so much anxiety about what to put on our invites in fear of “offending” someone. I personally like being told what to wear on the invite. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

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    chrissytine:  thanks and I forgot to add, we are having a DJ as well. During the ceremony we are having a friend play the guitar when I walk down the aisle, but other than that we aren’t having anything besides the DJ. 

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