(Closed) black tie optional

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
29 posts
Newbee

if you’re concerned about what family members wear in pictures, why not just call them up and ask them to wear a certain length skirt? i think an explanation is overkill, especially for your guests. i guess it depends on what circle you run in, but all the weddings i’ve been to are black tie or black tie invited and everyone seems to know what it means and dresses appropriately.

 

Post # 5
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think your explination is ok but i would cut out that last sentence, its a little too much. O agree with blondi03 that you should just call everyone who is going to be in pictures and let them know what type of attire you would prefer.

Post # 6
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think when you say black tie optional, you have to expect some short dresses. I think your Future Mother-In-Law will look lovely and it won’t be weird in pictures. I would say 99% of your guests will come dressed appropriately. My weddign was “formal” and that was stated on the invite. Everyone looked wonderful, except one of DHs cousins showed up in jeans and sneakers. What can you do? It didn’t ruin my day in the slightest.

Post # 7
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t blame you for worrying.  Not everyone is blessed with the gift of common sense, unfortunately.  As simple as you might think “black tie” or “formal attire” is to understand, it’s amazing how other people will interpret it.  

 

Post # 8
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@magilnyc: I agree that you have to expect some guests in short dresses. To me, black tie optional means that if you own a tuxedo or a formal gown you should wear it. If you dont own one, you are not required to go out and purchase something that is black tie but you should wear the nicest cocktail dress that you own. If you wanted people to wear long gowns you should make your dress code black tie.

Post # 10
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

black tie optional does include knee length dresses. Also is there any particular reason why you do not want short dresses? I agree with pp that the explanation you have put on your site is a bit too much and unnecessary. I think you should cut out this part:

Women should avoid dresses that are too short or too risque. Do not show up in business clothes, business casual, sportswear, casual clothes, sun dresses, clubbing dresses, or jeans.

 

Post # 11
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think the description is overkill and slightly insulting? Make your description on your website playful and fun sounding, not like it’s a dress code. If you want everyone in long dresses it should be “black tie” or “white tie.” NOT black tie optional.

I attend many events throughout the year that are black tie optional. To me, this means my nicest cocktail dress (which is not floor length) and tuxes for men. Yes, you should be able to control what your Future Mother-In-Law wears. Tell her that the bridal party must be in floor length dresses.

Post # 12
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@PinkMagnolia: “Yes, you should be able to control what your Future Mother-In-Law wears. “

Umm, I have to disagree. She’s a grown woman and should be able to pick out her own clothes. As long as she’s not wearing something completely inappropriate (like a clown costume), then let her wear what she wants. A short dress will look FINE, even if the bridal party is in long dresses. I also had a black tie optional wedding and most of the guests who were around my age were in short/knee length cocktail dresses. SOme older women wore long gowns, and all the men were either in tuxes or dark suits. As @bells and @PitBullLover stated, black tie optional does NOT mean that guests must wear long gowns. In fact, straight out black tie doesn’t even mean that–the rules have gotten much more flexible than they were 50 years ago.

Post # 13
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think you should dictate what Future Mother-In-Law wears, but the she should go off the style that you set.

Post # 15
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I also think you should get rid of that last part. I know the reasoning behind it, but to be honest it sounds rude, obnoxious and condescending.

Post # 16
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@spoonoutmyheart: Mine was black tie optional. The dress was still all over the place. We did have some folks in tux’s with their dates in short dresses. We also still had guys that showed up with no jackets, just shirts and ties.  You have to be ready for people to be dressed at all different notches. We didnt have any hawaiin shirt and khaki guys, but still not what we had stated. I think you’re coming off super harsh about it.

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