(Closed) Blah

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

*hugs* I wish I had some advice to give to you but I really don’t because you know I’m in the same situation. I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you!

What’s your heart telling you in this situation?

 

Post # 5
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

@MariaW:  *huge hugs* this is definitely a tough situation and I feel your pain! I really really hope he realizes what an amazing woman he has and does what he needs to do.

The thing that gets me in this whole waiting thing is thinking about the future. What if this is only the start of it?! Will our entire life together be about procrastinating?!

Post # 7
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@givemecouture: The thing that gets me in this whole waiting thing is thinking about the future. What if this is only the start of it?! Will our entire life together be about procrastinating?!

This would bother me as well. I mean, if he takes forever to commit to things, how will it be if/when you two decided to buy a house, have children, etc? Just something to think about. Quite frankly if it were me, I’d commit myself to having my own deadline to walk. You can’t push someone else to commit, but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with some else’s indecisiveness forever. How long have you two been together though, MariaW? I’d say him talking about getting married is a good sign, but after a certain point it just becomes all hot air in my book if no action is taken.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MariaW:  Ahh ok, well being in a LDR really compounds the problems of commitment in my opinon. I kinda get where your SO is coming from though. When my boyfriend and I were in a LDR, he was gung ho about marriage and I was happily on the fence. I think some people don’t think about commitment as much in that situation, because you don’t always have the other person there with you, so it might not be a thing that’s at the forefront of your mind. At least that’s how it was for me.

Do you two have an end in sight though? A definite timeline for when the LDR will end? I think that would really help in this situation to get him to start thinking more about marriage. It’s hard to think of committing your life to someone else when you don’t even know when you will be in the same city with them. And leaving can be a hard thing to do, but sometimes it’s needed unfortunately. If he can’t decide that he wants to marry you yet, then you have to decide how much longer you can put up with his indecision. Only you can really determine that though. For some people it’s indefinite, for others they have to walk away so they are happy getting what they really want out of the relationship, even if it means finding it with someone else.

Post # 10
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

maybe leaving is the kick in the pants he needs, focus more on yourself for a change. sometimes a person has to lose something to realize what they had all along. i know when my SO and I werent on the same page about when to marry earlier this year, i took a step back from the relationship, once i did he came around. if anything its better than sitting and twiddling your thumbs waiting for a grown man to make an adult decision.

if he doesnt come around after he probably wasnt the one for you. even the most indecisive man will put his pride aside and fight for the person he loves.

Post # 11
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Do you mind if I ask how old you both are?  I think age plays a huge factor in being ready to commit to someone for a lifetime, and how long you should wait for him to make that decision.

If you’re in your early 20’s, I would say wait it out and give him more time, because you’re still very young, have plenty of time to plan a family, and will go through a lot of changing and maturing over then next 5-10 years.  Don’t rush it.

If you’re in your early 30’s, there is a bit more pressure to move forward faster.  By this point in life, you should have a clear idea of what you want in life, and a plan to get there.  You’re a little older, and a little wiser, and you know yourself much better than you did when you were 20-something.

If you’re in your late 30’s (like me) or even early 40’s, time is of the essence, especially if you want a family.  You don’t have time to wait around for a man to make up his mind. 

Post # 15
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MariaW:  I think you two need to sit down and make a compromise. Give him a timeline in which you will move back to him, or him to you, and make sure your tell him that your timeline is contingent on him proposing before that date. Show your serious about moving and watch him to see if he’s serious about an engagement. I know with visas being involved how messy things can be. My SO and I are going through that right now with me trying to immigrate to Canada. But as much time as my SO and I had spent together in person, I knew there was a difference between vacations/visits and actually living together or close to one another. I wasn’t willing to make the leap of getting engaged without being close to him. And maybe that’s how he feels.

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