- 4 years ago
I needed an outlet and so I came here. My wedding is 3 weeks away…. and there is so much drama, sadness and awfulness happening in both our families- I feel like this is some sort of a divine test of resliance and I am failing misreably.
About a month or so ago, my great grandma had a stroke, but thank god she seemed to pull out of it somewhat and is now at home. She wasnt doing great but stable enough. Her one dream is to see me on my wedding day and I thought wow if she can survive that, surely a few more weeks will pass by in peace. This morning my dad calls and says that she suddenly started to breath ‘differently’ i dont know what that means but it cant be good.
My cousins grandfather is getting tested for aggressive cancer form today becuase his condition has been detiriorating and he is in pain and they dont knwo what it is.
My own grandfather has declined severely in his condtion and can now barely walk with his walker and not at all without it. My other grandfather is gone already and that is so so sad as well.
Last week, my great grandmothers younger brother passed away from complications following a broken hip surgery. Here I thought ok G-d, we have been through so much sadness, please let our family have these next few weeks of peace. And now the cancer test thing…
Fiance family is tragic as well, Future Mother-In-Law started going through divorce from husband#2 last month.
SO MUCH SO MUCH – this hurts.
I am trying to keep a positive outlook and stay focused on the wedding, but it is hard and getting harder by the second. Everyone has been trying to be “ok” for my sake, to make sure I stay a happy bride but this is getting impossible.
And on top of all this- I blame myself. If I had not wasted 8 years of my life on my ex, if I only just listened to my grandparents and parents and got out before, and maybe I could have been married with a child by now and the wedding I envisioned, with my giant loud beautiful family around me wouldnt be such a f#[email protected]#$% burden on the universe.
I am not sleeping enough and I am so worried about all the other moving pieces… I just cant.