(Closed) Blamed for why he won't propose

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like the relationship’s been doomed for a while.

Seriously, don’t waste your time with him. You’re trying to mold him into something he’s not going to become.

Post # 3
Member
941 posts
Busy bee

I am not trying to sound mean but I have to say… This guy made you beg for 10 months to give your relationship another try? Sweetie, absolutely no chance in hell would I want a marriage with someone that would make me beg! I think you need to seriously think about how your life will be if you marry this man. I can’t imagine it’ll be good since he tells you not to talk to him about any life issues. He’s supposed to be your biggest support sysyem. lets forget about the engagement for a second and look at the fact that he doesn’t even support your emotional needs. I have no advice to give other then walk away before he completely destroys your self worth.

Post # 4
Member
4054 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yeah, end it. Honestly, it sounds like both of you are trying to live a life like he has no debts, eventhough he does. He will only get back together wiht you if you don;t bring up his debts. You want to go ring shopping (which he needs financing for), and buy a house (which he doesn’t have the money for). You broke up because he couldn’t get his act together financially, and now that you are back together, absolutely nothing has changed except for the fact that you’re trying to ignore a problem that can’t be ignored.

It’s really clear that you both have very different expectations/timelines, but instead of aknowledging this, you want to just steamroll over it and go ahead with the plans you have in your head. 

If you stay with him, you will either still not be engaged, or will be engaged with even more debt.

Post # 5
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

this is not the right man for you, that’s my advice! cut him out of your life completely and push yourself to date other men, find an ambitious man who wants thesame future you invision

Post # 6
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m going to be blunt here, so I’d like to apologize in advance if any of this is offensive to you. That guy does not and has never wanted to marry you. 

Your solving his every problem so he would did not help the situation..

You can definitely do better. By “better” I mean someone who actually wants a future with you and who will go the distance to make that future a reality. 

I’m sorry Bee, I know ending a 7 year on and off relationship sucks ass, I’ve been there myself. Just know that one day you WILL look back on this and say “I’m glad that happened. It freed me up to live my life and love others.”

Post # 7
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

Leave him…you deserve better, and I think you already know that my dear. 

Everything will work out for you because you seem to have a good head on you shoulders. A man such as yours will not change. Debt is a serious issue and one of the main reasons for divorce. He seems to not want to get out of this position, can you imagine if you were actually married? This would be crippling to you financially, emotionally, and physically (depression hurts).

 You will find someone who understands the importance of commitment to you and the importance of taking care of your finances, especially in this day and age.

Leave.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee

Its easy to become obsessed with the idea of someone and to lose sight of the bad things when they aren’t in front of your face.

My advice is that you shouldn’t have begged for reconcilliation. You aren’t on the same page with this guy and there really are lots of fish in the sea. My advice is to break up from this guy, to step aside from the house purchase for now if you can’t afford it and build a life on your own. You need to start looking forward and stop looking back. Don’t call this a separation, the only way to get happy and move on is a break up and cutting off contact.

Post # 9
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

Read your post and pretend like you do not know yourself. 

Don’t take this the hard way but honestly you’re doing it to yourself. He’s a puppy who can’t get his act together and doesn’t want to get his act together and since you want him to stay so bad, he’s staying around. 

He didn’t even want his name on the house. That should say enough right there. 

Kick the puppy to the curb and get a real man. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  greensunglasses. Reason: stupid stuff
Post # 10
Member
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

waitingandwaiting:   Please leave this guy and find someone who is reliable and financially responsible.   He has shown you who he is, and he isn’t worthy of you. This guy will just keep tearing you down.  

Someone out there is worthy of you and of your love, please free yourself to find him.   A good relationship brings strength and comfort.  You deserve the best.  

Post # 11
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

waitingandwaiting:  This guy is a Loser !! You sound like a hard working woman that knows what she wants. Throw him out, hopefully you didnt put his name on the house and find a real man who knows how to treat a great woman like you properly.

Dont ever beg a man for anything. You dont need anyone that bad.

Post # 12
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

waitingandwaiting:  You are educated, driven, and responsible.  I’m failing to see what it is you see in him???  Your partner should lift you up, be there to support you during the bad times.   Not only is he NOT doing this, he’s also being downright mean and disrespectful.  Honestly, and I hate to admit it, but your guy sounds like me in my previous relationship. And you know what- it was because I didn’t respect him or even want to be with him but I didn’t have the courage to end it and move on.  I wanted all the perks of a relationship without actually doing any of the work.  RUN!

Post # 13
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception/The Gallery

This guy doesn’t respect you, your goals, anyone’s finances or responsibilites (including his own). Ending a long-term relationship is horrible. If feels like the worst thing that could or will happen. But it’s not. And you’ll find someone who will be your equal and share your goals and responsibilities. Take care of yourself first and foremost and get out of this unhealthy situation.

Post # 14
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

You can do better. Like other bees have said before – it’s just really honestly not supposed to be that hard. If someone wants to marry you, they’ll skip the ring and the ceremony and take you to the courthouse! Sounds like you two aren’t in a healthy relationship and you’re not on the same page. I wish you the best of luck.

Post # 15
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly, I agree with the previous posters. You can’t make someone into something they’re not. If you had to beg for you guya to get back together, especially when you guys separated because of HIS debt and HIS problems, then you might love this guy but he doesnt necessarily love you in the way you deserve. Please think about what you want in life before you proceed. Then make a decision and stick to it, no crawling back to someone who doesnt deserve the love you’re giving. 

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